rchubn

Re reading your post. I think you're infatuated with her. Youre not trying to help her out by bringing her to the US, you're trying to legally traffic her. You're bringing her over here with the unspoken assumption that she will be with you romantically. She could also being with you simply because she wants to be in the US. You went through loss and had a young woman comfort you. She likely only comforted you because you're family. She was doing her job as your relative. You shared vulnerable moments with her I assume. I could share a vulnerable moment with an adoptive step sibling, that doesn't mean I'm free to date them because we're not bio related. Her parents adopted her into the family with the expectation that she would belong as a family member and that her DNA does not alter her position in the family and peoples ability for her to see her as family IF you ever want to get with this woman (without "trafficking" her to be your partner), you really need to find a way to get her to the US without forcing her to being legally binded to you by marriage. You would give her free will by disconnecting yourself legally allowing the relationship to flow and decreasing the power imbalance. Do you have any friends that can marry her?

The age gap is creepy. 1. You were in your early 20s when she was BORN. 2. When you saw her at 32 she wasn't even in her double digits. I'm not against age gap relationships but most of the time the older one in the relationship doesn't have the burden of knowing their partner as a child and they don't come from the same family. Normal age gap couples have only ever known each other as adults. If you date her people will silently assume that there was boundary crossing/grooming going on.

When my dad was alive he wanted me to go to another funeral for a cousin because he wanted to show me off to his family

I reconnected with my dad last September after years and he just recently passed. He was not around growing up. Though he provided for his other children, he didn't provide for me because he didn't like my mother. I have other siblings that he did decide to raise. My older sister said something about my mother (unprovoked) in a group chat. She said "He didn't like your mother. Deal with that." Insinuating that I unwanted. I snapped and I snapped back at her and said something mean. The rest of the group chat with my other siblings saw and they took her side because they know her better and they were raised with ger. I apologized to her but she was right I was unwanted. 😔 I got close to him last few months of his life and he ranted on about how he bought his other kids expensive things while my sister and I fought over hair ties because we couldn't afford to buy more His funeral is next weekend and I'm very unsure if I should even go. I'm just so torn. Advice?

Edit,: the thought of purchasing groceries again gives me a full on panic attack. I can't oicgure myself every purchasing another food item again because of how triggered I feel

I come from an abusive household and grew up being told I didn't deserve things (attention, food, love, etc) and having things taken out of my hands because aindidnt deserve them Yesterday I ordered groceries and the person delivered them to my apartment lobby and other residents took the stuff thinking it was free. The doorman apologized but I'm extremely triggered because that deprivation has always been seen as a punishment for me. as messed up as it sounds In my mind I'm wondering what I did wrong to lose those items I needed. I spent over 200 on those groceries/house supplies which is a lot of money for me but I can't bring myself to report anything stolen for a refund because I feel the people that took them were more deserving I feel like I didn't deserve those groceries and the universe just gave them to other people that did deserve food. Any advice?

This job literally saved my life. I was able to have my own home and escape an abusive household. It was truly a blessing and I'm terrified that I'll lose it. My life has not been easy and this solved so many issues in my life. How do I stop being scared?

I have this intense anxiety about me being fired and it's absolutely ripping me apart. My company is currently taking on new employees after departing from a partnership. The new employees aren't even in my same department but I'm TERRIFIED of being let go. Key info - I'm the only employee in my field currently. Meaning there's no one at my workplace with the same job title BUT I'm also the only one in the company with my job title. - The new positions aren't in my same department and wont impact my job whatsoever. They're hiring mental health professionals and I fall under administrative work and supervisor management. - I run an office 40 hours a week. My supervisor comes by maybe 5 hrs tops and only on the weekends when she needs a quiet place to work meaning my position is definitely needed. - I act as a placeholder when we're unable to get shift coverage for one of our lower level jobs like maintenance and security - No one has even insinuated that I'd be fired or anything of that nature. Infact my boss told me that these changes will not impact our department in any way but I'm scared. I just have this anxiety about being fired. I know if I'm fired my life will be completely ripped apart, I get anxious and then I start spiraling. If I were fired I'd have to go back into an abusive household and possibly get rid of my dog.

13 years is a really long time. A lot can happen in 13 years. You do not know this woman anymore. She may not even be the same person anymore. You messaged her....cool. She responded...also cool. But it sounds like you have high expectations about reconnecting. You're disappointed a woman you dated 13 years ago isn't falling down at the sight of your messages. It sounds like she was glad to hear from you but isn't interested in anything beyond that and prioritizes her current life over daydreaming about the past you.

I was in your boyfriends shoes and my partner left me. I was going through a hard time in my life (a time that was only temporary) and my partner left me instead of loved me. I was betrayed by this but soon realized anyone that can leave me in pain does not love me enough to be in my life. I thought I would marry this person but his actions proved he was not willing to stand by me in sickness or health. He was not willing to love me through my pain and be there for me. Instead of loving through it, he was letting issues that were beyond my control dictate how he felt about me. I was the one with the trauma, I was the one hurting and he used my pain to dictate if I deserved love or not and punished me for it. The answer is simple, if you love him enough to stay, stay and be there for him. If not, let him go because there is someone out there that will stand by him when he needs it. If you're going to punish your partner for their pain, struggles and trauma, it is best for you to walk away so someone will actually love him the way he needs to be loved. Protect your mental health and do whatever you need to do, but understand the grass is not greener on the other side. People are damaged and most adult relationships require assisting your partner through their trauma.

Edit: Not only cant they care for you without triggering you but they're not willing to accept that you're triggered. They're not willing to consider your feelings or accept your feelings meaning they will never do the research and actions to comfort you.

I have a similar relationship with my mother and I am also 24. I went through something similar at the beginning of COVID, my mother desperately wanted to me to move back home because of the pandemic even though I still had a lease. Her reasoning was that I could save money and be with family during that traumatic time. She cried and did every move possible to make sure I said yes even though I knew it would be a disaster but she insisted.. I fought her on it and eventually caved for the simple fact that I needed to save money and my mom was actually wanted to help me for once, the second week I moved in I instantly regretted it. She had managed to trigger every childhood trauma within 2 weeks and because I was already an adult she would threaten to kick me out knowing I had no where to go, I had no job, it was a pandemic and that I was basically homeless if I didn't comply with everything she said. I couldn't even pay for my own food. I was an absolute mess. So depressed. So stressed. Why does this matter? Because its important to understand that certain relationships have limitations. I now know I cannot live with my mother without her triggering my trauma. You know that you can't rely on your mother on to care for you because it causes conflict and triggers YOUR trauma. I know it sucks you can't rely on her without it turning toxic but its important to know your boundaries and protect your mental health. I would recommend asking a friend to help you or pull through it until you're recovered and accept the fact that next time, due to your relationship with your parents, you're going to have to avoid having them assist you because they can't care for you without triggering you

Honestly it's her life too... she wanted another dog. Its your job to adapt yalls life to her needs and desires as well as yours. You'll have difficulty renting with 3 dogs but you're gonna have to. Why? Because having 3 dogs makes your partner happy and as her partner you should you should be able to alter your life just a little bit and accept the small challenge simply for her happiness. Does having another dog make you chronically unhappy? Is this dog ruining your life?

Edit: she told me my father is crying and upset about this. However I'm having a really hard time understanding why. He has 15 wonderful children to have a relationship with, why does he need a relationship with me? 15 children should be enough. He has been estranged from me for 15 years and suddenly now wants to have a relationship. I tried. I really did but the whole situation makes me uncomfortable. Now I feel like they're trying to make me feel guilty.

My dad has about 16 kids. Yes, 16. I decided I didn't want a relationship with him (he was estranged for 15 yrs) and my sister is mad at me for saying my dad has enough kids and that doesn't "need" a relationship with me. He has sixteen children. Why would it matter if I didn't have a relationship with him when he has a BUNCH of children. Its one child out of the sixteen. He has 15 other children to have a relationship with, not counting his step kids. Am I in the wrong here? She is really mad at me for saying this but this is logical. I don't understand why she is so mad?

I can almost guarantee that the girl DID NOT send him those pics for him to lust over them past the point where they ended their relationship.

Uhhh No!? It's weird and creepy and it violates the other woman/person in the video. Their relationship ended, its creepy for him to be lusting over her body knowing he ended the relationship with her. It's weird. So weird. Not sure if it's flat out illegal but its definitely something morally/ethically incorrect.

My father is newly paralyzed due to a gunshot wound to the spinal cord. I don't know how to support him. He's lucky he's alive but his life has changed forever. Everytime I think about it I feel physically sick and I keep putting myself in his shoes and its this horrific feeling. I feel so bad for him. Does anyone have any advice? How can I support him?

My father was a victim of attempted homicide. He is potentially paralyzed or will be because they cannot remove one of the bullets from spinal cord without doing more damage

My dad (who I havent spoken to in years because he left us) someone attempted to kill my father (gun violence) and I tried to call him at the hospital and his ex step daughter picked up. He was always in her life but never in mine. She informed me he was sleeping but now I feel triggered because it reminds me of him choosing her over me as a child. I feel foolish for calling and now I'm triggered. My older brother has been there at the hospital with him and has been begging me to call my father in the hospital because he got devastating news and I did, she picked up, now I'm in this emotional spiral and I feel like an outsider. I'm sure she'll tell him I called but I don't know how to muster up enough courage to call again, especially being triggered like this. I dont even know if he wants to talk to me. What do I do?

Leave him. He shouldn't be bringing up stuff like that with his current girlfriend. It's weird. He probably wouldn't like it if you did that to him.

After a weekend of feeling awful I did finally respond to his text where he apologized. I told him I'm blocking him and he's doing the "I will always love you" and other stuff like that. I just feel so guilty that I'm setting boundaries and now my brother is doing the "he's not going to live forever" stuff. This father wound I have has been a thorn in my life. I just wanted to mend some of that for myself and I just wanted to heal it by reconcilation. I just thought if I could just heal that I would stop getting into abusive relationships and stop letting men walk all over me. And now it feels worse. I thought if I verbalized how I was feeling without shutting down like I always do, we could slow things down and work it out. I was open and forgiving, I just wanted grace and time and I'm not understanding why I was not able to mend this for myself and why I had to walk away with MORE hurt

I NEED advice... Here's what's going on: - My dad was a deabeat majority of my life. I havent seen him in over 15 years. He recently tried to come back to my life with his new daughter and its been traumatic for me. It's caused me a lot more pain and stress so I ultimately decided maybe I was not ready for reconcilation. If the reconcilation is more traumatic than the actual abandonment, maybe I'm not ready. - I told him that and a huge argument happened. Lots of cursing and him saying mean things to me. Which was even more traumatic for me. He said things to me that I will now need to work through mentally. I walked outta this situation with more trauma than I had walking into the idea of reconcilation. - Now he's trying to guilt me. He realized his reaction was inappropriate and he apologized and he's using guilt tactics like "i will always love you, know your father loves you" and this confuses me because he does not even know me. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm denying a parent a relationship with their daughter (me) but 1. This man does not even know me, how can he love me in any valuable way when he was absent. It feels like manipulation. When he says stuff like "I love you" he is viewing me as a concept and not a person, he does not know me well enough to love me as a person. 2. When I verbalized that I was struggling with everything and needed to take everything slowly, he completely went off on me. I dont even want to repeat the things said to me and he did apologize but everything he said to me validated every negative thought I had growing up about the reasons why my father wasn't around. I'm learning that he is immature and underdeveloped as an adult but I feel GUILTY that I'm done with this relationship. My older brother told me my father is a complicated person and that I need to set boundaries but should still try but I'm someone who has already been through enough. I can't have people I hold highly saying mean things to me when I'm honest about my feelings and then apologizing afterwards. Any advice?

I feel so insignificant. I feel like I entered this world with no one. I can't describe the pain I felt when I saw those photos on Facebook.

No one in this world loves me. I'm not close to my moms family and I live my life alone with no family around me. I got in contact with my estranged father after 20 years of no contact and found out that he has a 10 year old daughter. I made a mistake and looked him up on Facebook and his daughter is extremely beautiful. There are so many pictures of them out and about doing things and I developed this toxic jealousy against her and I feel terrible about it. I'm realizing he will never love me as much as he loves her. She's his little girl. Not me. He doesn't even know me. He attempts to message me almost every day but its normally just small talk. I want this relationship to work out but I struggle with the fact that he is very capable of living life without me. He did it for 20 years. What should I do about this?