Kyoshiro Ogari

If I were the girl in this situation..what advice would you guys give me then?

Simple question for her to answer: Knowing you can't have both, who do you want?

ALL NIGHT LONG ...........i hear that alot, but this must be some fantasy, can men go all night long?

To paraphrase Richard Pryor:

A man once said, "Man, I can have sex for 8-9 hours!"

Richard Pryor replied, "If you have sex for 9 hours, we know where to bury you on the 10th."

I just want to say thank you to all for the kind words of support. It's been so hard and it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.

Hence the name of this site.

I know how you feel. I was cooking dinner for my father, waiting for him to come home from work, and then me and my mom got the phone call from the hospital saying he died instantly from cardiac arrest. It's been close to 5 months and I will miss him forever. I just hope for you it gets better as time heals the wounds.

Wow Spidey, my best friend is in a similar situation as you.

She has a boyfriend of 10 years that she is now engaged to. She met my friend at a party and realized they have a ton in common, along with a mutual attraction that is pwerful indeed. They live in the same neighborehood and hang out a few times a week. Her boyfriend lives 10 miles away and sees her once a week. She is slowly growing apart from her boyfriend, but not far enough.

My friend and the girl have been having an affair. She is torn. She loves her fiance, but she is not sure she wants to marry him. She "really likes" my friend, has more in common with him, is more attracted to him and sometimes wishes she weren't engaged.

My best friend however, is not thinking in your line. He doesn't care about the boyfriend, but he does care about his own sanity. I told him months ago to end it and he's considering doing so because he knows she is not ready to dump her fiance for him. He wants 100% devotion, not wondering what she's doing with her boyfriend while they're together.

For you, I say you do one of two things.

1) Get your leatgher jacket, turn up the collar and challenge her boyfriend to a good ol' fashioned rumble behind the soda shop. The loser walks away empty handed and the winner has her for keeps. That is the only way you can have her by your own control, which of course will NOT happen.

So all kidding aside...

2) Step back and let her decide for herself, but don't wait on her. Find someone who can give you herself 100%. AntiLove Superstar said it best about you labeling her "The One" after less than a month. This does not make her "The One", just "The One Right Now." I've met tons of perfect girls for me. They pop up every now and then. If you two can be together, nature will have to take it's course, she'll have to evolve towards you and dissolve away from her current beau. I wouldn't wait while twiddling my thumbs because life is too short, but if you want to, good luck with that.

I really do sympathise with what emotions you're going through. Good luck to all three of you with whatever paths are chosen. ]

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For some guys like myself, we need the ultimate assurance that we are not going to be shot down like Don Cheney's hunting partner. Like if you wore a t-shirt that read, "Ask me out and I WILL say yes!", then maybe we'll get the hint. You said "anyone with half a brain." Well unfortunately, shy guys have no brains when it comes to this for some reason. I do not know what it is. For me, I need to know she feels the same way because clues are not enough. Those clues, believe it or not, are often the same as misinterpreted clues, which makes us think it's all in my head.

Trust me, I liked this girl and she was giving me the same clues my best's girlfriend was giving him before he asked her out. So I was giddy until I found out she was 'just a flirty gal' who liked my sense of humor, nothing more.

Good luck to you though.

I can't help but think about this, as I've never met a girl that found me attractive. Even if I am confident when I speak to a girl, if she doesn't find me physically attractive am I just wasting my time??

I always think this is true. after all, how we look is probably 3/4 of the first impression. What comes out of our mouths is the rest but somehow I think if a guy is super hot, just as long as he's not a jerk, he could read a phone book and have her hooked.

I can't find out how I can be confident approaching a woman when I don't feel attractive. Where do I get this confidence, especially if I plan on approaching a girl in a club for example, when there are hot guys aplenty and I want to ask her for a drink or dance. I can't imagine her thinking anything else but, "Of all the guys, why him."

Well, I'm talking about subtle flirtations, i wouldn't be over the top. But just out of curiosity...what would you consider to be "crossing the line"???

Like if I said, "Sorry, I'm not interested" but she's back the next day with the same flirtations and even turns it up a notch. Like not getting the hint. Any subtle flirting is perfectly fine with me because we're still friends and all and it's harmless. But if it's not subtle and a relentless assault, I'm heading for the hills.

Perfect example: my friend had a dilerious crush on her co-worker. She told him, he said no thanks and even used the words, "You're not my type" which I know was a killer for her. But God Bless her, she was back 2 months later with the same, "I really like you, give us a chance" and again he told her she wasn't his type. Needless to say, he kept his distance and even ran away from her a few times.

Let me put it this way for me: Beggars can't be choosers.

If she were annoying, I may make excuses like, "I need to wash my hair" or something. But if she knew where to draw the line, I'm fine.

Have this awkward relationship with this guy where we both know we like each other, but nobodys stepping up.

Confucius say, she who know both like, but no step up, should do the stepping up.

In other words, I agree with the others.

hotornot is the worse place to ask for an opinion. Please don't refer to it and let us tell you how handsome you are. Or, I'll put my pic next to your's and you'll look absolutely fabulous.

You have a "type". Everyone has it to certain degrees. It could be a type of look, a type of personality, ect. My type is "girls", but when I was a kid, blonde hair always attracted me because the first few girls that kissed me or said they liked me were all blondes.

Nothing wrong with you. This could be a phase or a fetish. Perhaps something that is simply irresistible to you, or something that you experienced that gave you pleasure and now you want more of it.

You'll see as time goes on if your type evolves into something more general or remains specific to your current liking. Good luck in finding that girl, whomever she may be. ]

My friend is a devoted Muslim from Egypt. His wife is a devoted Catholic from Costa Rica. They are both intensely religious.

They have 3 kids and love each other very much. Their kids are named after cities in Egypt & Costa Rica.

He prays 3-5xs a day. I witness this all the time. We are all talking and then he excuses himself, goes to an area in the room where it's quiet or into another room, gets on his knees and prays, then comes back to the conversation.

She has dozens of religious statues in one area of the room. She goes to her church without him. Their families love them both.

They have had several "disagreements", but never had fights about religion. I have seen it first hand and it works. I think as long as it doesn't get in the way of your beliefs, or if your devotion is flexible or not too strict, then you will be fine. Religion shouldn't control who you love, right?

Thanks guys. It is fun being a hot blonde chick who has a crush on himself. What?

I'm in Jersey City. And I live in NY. If you can make it all the way here dyt, I know a good pizza place.

At least the view of Manhattan Island is nice, but I feel like Phil Hartman as the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer on SNL, "Your world confuses and frightens me!"

It's kinda hard for me to invite myself because it feels as if I'm joining their circle uninvited. Like if I said, "Hey guys, mind if I join you?", I don't know I think if they wanted me to join they would've asked because they all plan their lunches in my vicinity with Mr. Matrix guy. They are all friendly, but circles are closed for a reason.

The worse thing is that I am a conversationalist. I enjoy discussing things, from football to Berlin in 1946. I hear them talking about things and I just want to join in and give my thoughts, give them a few laughs, whatever, but as the new guy and as a shy guy, I feel I have no right to.

I guess time will tell. I'm just not used to being an outsider and trying to become an insider is too difficult for me. I need a puppy.

I've been at this new job for 2 months. I work with a team of about 10 people. Every one of them is very nice, some of the best people to work with/for. And just like with most jobs, there are "circles of friends" over here, but I am probably the only guy in the company that's not in a circle. Everyone treats me nice and all, and none of them are mean or snobs by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel like the odd man out.

Today I was going to lunch in this large and crowded food mall and I notice one circle hanging out in one place, another circle in another place and me, with my hands in my pockets, standing in the middle of the room, waiting for my food, whistling and nodding my head like I'm having a good time, all the while I'm miserable as hell. When I got my food, I sat alone at a table and just chewed my food like a good little boy.

But what's worse is that at work, I am sitting next to the most popular guy in the entire universe! He's the matrix of the company, everyone swarms his desk for advice, laughs and help on things. I've always been the funny guy wherever I've been, but this guy is a knee slapper, a stomach grabber, a tear jerker, he's just too funny and outgoing. I'm subtle. Sometimes I try to ease myself into their convo, but I don't want to intrude.

Oh yeah, and then there's the age gap. I think the oldest among these guys is 25, and sometimes I feel REAL old. I asked The Matrix Guy if he ever played a game called Super Breakout for the Atari, and he said he "...saw it on the History Channel." I felt ancient after he said that, although I laughed at the irony. I used to make fun of my former boss for being so old that he had a bible autographed by Jesus with the words, "Keep in touch, dog!" written on the back. Damn you, Karma!

Anyway, does anyone else feel like they're left out in their workplace, for whatever reason? How do you cope? Should I go postal for a friend?

Lucky for me I don't have to maintain eye contact with the ladies. They don't look at me long enough to establish the 'ol eye lock, so I'm in the clear! \\

Wait, why is that good?

Just a quickie,

 

When you meet somebody for the first time and you are instantly attracted to them is it the norm that they are attracted to you also?

Not in my world. Never ever ever ever ever.

But it is possible but not a sure bet. Must be wonderful though, that mutual spark.

When you're not expecting it someone will 'pop' into your life.

Yep.

And she'll be married or taken.

Or even worse, she doesn't dig your vibe.

And you're back to square one.

But hey, at least we have other things to take our minds off of love, like hibernation & isolation.

Wow this is so sad. Really sad. My condolences go out to her family and friends.

Quite honestly, you'll be making his day and could end up with a winner. If a girl approaches me, I'm grinning all day. If a stunning girl approaches me, you couldn't wipe that smile off my face with a scud missle.

I hate it that the guys have to ask the girls out. If you like someone, let it be known. They may like you too and then what are you stuck with: happiness and bliss. Me lika bliss. Me lika bliss alot.

There's a difference between:

- Loving you for being a part of his fetish and that's enough.

and

-Loving the fetish so much that it doesn't matter if it's you, she, them or they, because it is never enough.

If that is the case, I say it's time for you to put your foot down (with or without stockings) stick up for yourself. Good luck!

I didn't even try on this one and she's running for the hills.

Last year, I worked with this girl who I thought was very attractive, but some sort of a mystery. Once I got to know her, I was fastinated but still cautious for some reason. She was very friendly and really down to earth and humble, but too pretty for me. Anyway we talked here and there while working, just chit chat nothing deep and philosophical. On my last day, which was September of last year, I was in a caferetia and we said our goodbyes and a pleasure to work with you, yada yada yada. She even told me "Don't be a stranger" and after she said that, I jokingly replied, "Yeah, I'll shoot you an e-mail in about a month to see how you're doing and to keep you up on my current events, ha ha." That comment was a play on our co-worker who gives us monthly updates on her life (which no one could give a rat's butt about) through our company's e-mail.

But the look on her face after I made the joke told me all I needed to know. It was a split second, but her eyes lit up. Not light up as in excited, they lit up as in "Oh God he likes me, where's my mace" look. She thought I was actually trying to softening her up with e-mails before I go for the kill and ask her out for a cup of coffee. Which I was, but I used the joke to make it seem harmless.

So I left it at that and didn't see her again until last Monday on the train. My stomach and heart did backflips when I saw her and I started to shake, sweat and fidget with my hands. She was approaching my seat and after gaining my composure I leaned out and said "Hi, how's it going?" I guess I was expecting a little more enthusiasm, but she said "Heey" and kept on walking.

No big deal, I left it alone and cried myself to sleep when I got home. But today was a real downer. I'm standing there waiting for the train again and when I turned to see if the train was coming, there she was standing next to me (it's an organized line for this train, so she had no choice on where to stand.) I wanted to say hi, but I got nervous and shaky again,whistling and trying to act cool while looking like a guy trying to hide the fact that I'm nervous. What bothered me was that she was doing everything in her power to not face me. Wouldn't turn her head so that I could say hi. Now I could've easily tapped her on the shoulder, but those vibes I got were telling me that she was caught between a rock and a hard place.

I feel so bad for her, I made her uncomfortable by inadvertedly hinting to her that I like her. But the problem is, we take the same train going home (the ones before and after are 30-40 minutes apart.)

So my question is, why would she act this way, avoiding to so much as look my way after that e-mail joke I made a year ago? Is it possible for a guy to scare off a girl if he likes her and she doesn't like him, and she is around him just about everyday. Now I know how King Kong felt. Too bad I can't run amuck and destroy innocent extras.

Scenario #1: If you think you're beautiful but people keep telling you you're butt ugly, you'll have one of two reactions:

A) "They're jealous!"

B) "They're right!"

You can have your up days and your down days, but since your esteem is high to begin with, sticks and stones are your only enemies.

Scenario #2: If you think you're butt ugly but people keep telling you you're beautiful, you'll have one of two reactions:

A) They're crazy.

B) They're psycho.

An up day for you is rare. On a scale from 1-10, 3 is the highest you've felt about yourself and chances are you were drunk when this feeling arose. And since you were tainted with low self esteem to begin with, sticks and stones are the least of your problems.

I'm scenario #2, minus the compliment. No girl ever has told me I'm handsome, but they tell my friends all the time, so this is hammered into my head and now I have 20+ years of being looked over to work against. If a girl does manage to tell me I'm cute/handsome, my self esteem will rise high. Some will say that I don't need anyone else's opinion, that my opinion is the only one that matters. That is true if I was trying to pick myself up in a bar.

I agree with trial and error. You need, what they call in the role playing world, experience points, which is in the form of opinions from others along with your own opinion about yourself. I have +1* experience point, and that asterisk is because my mommy tells I'm handsome.

What captures my attention is a lot of eye contact with a smile! maybe a few seconds of eye contact with a bright smile would do it.

Yes, depending on the guy, if you don't add a smile with that eye contact, he may think you're just looking at him and not looking at him, or that you're looking but are not interested.

I can take it a little further.

It's bad when you fall for someone who is already taken, which I did 12 years ago. The only thing I told myself for comfort was that she met the guy before me and fell for him. Her feelings for me had nothing to do with it, and since she's seeing someone, her feelings for me are inconsequential since she has soneone in her heart.

Flip that scenario a bit. If I met her, we're both single, revealed my feelings to her but she didn't return them, it would sting like you know what. Then add on top of that, a few months later she goes out and meets a guy and falls for him, leaving me in the cold. Then I would feel suicidal, homicidal and genocidal.

My friend went through something similar. He liked a girl but she didn't want to take it further than friendship. He cried to me about it alot. The only cure was her moving to Germany for school, otherwise my shoulder would be drenched.