gwynna

Ugly and Fat? Please remove those words from your vocabulary. I'm not going to relate all the catch phrases you've likely heard beyond that. Anyway, say hi, and use his name. If you don't yell it to him from accross a crowded room or make a big issue of it, it's likely he'll just say hi back or at least give you a reaction to go on. Good Luck! Gwynna

I'm 25 and still a virgin. But I'm a bit different with the decision. I rearely take and action I'm not prepared for the consequences of. I grew up in a rural area and watched quite a few of my childhood friends get pregnant, and only one ended up marrying the guy and remains happy. I decided that I wouldn't have sex until I was ready for children. I'm not talking about marriage either. Until I am independetly prepared emotionally and financially to raise and nurture, I won't be taking risks in that area. I am proud of those that hold off. The opportunities abound, but if you are waiting for love, or marriage or to be able to handle the difficulties and questions sex will bring to your life, it makes more sense to wait than to just take the plunge. The stigma of the virgin is one that you learn to live with, but just stay true to your own ideals and tell anyone that if it's right for them, fine, but it's not for you yet. I tend to pull conversation in that direction to a halt by telling the truth (and depending on who is doing the asking and how mean they are about it), sometimes brutally. I'm armed with numbers though...pregnanc and STD stats are rather helpful. *grin* Gwynna

I'm so blunt when it comes to guys that it's a lot of my problem. I'm very clear that I'm up for only friendship. I don't say "at this point" or anything else that leads to abiguity. I'm trying to change my own mind atm about dating. I don't need or want complications. Guys tend to fall into three categories with me on this: First there are the ones that say okay, and then drift off to find someone interested in whatever they have in mind (these are the casual relationship seekers and the offended). Then there are the ones that say great, we are friends and then turn around in a couple weeks or months and become aggressive, trying to convince me that I just want to be chased both emotionally and physically. Even when I dated I preferred gentle and slow, nice, and even shy guys. I stop the friendship right there and burn the bridge. And the good ones are still my friends and good ones at that. I know I won't change my mind about one of them, and they learn that I'm a fabulous friend to have. When I develope a crush, it is likely someone I'm not ever going to be able to become friends with. So I can't really understand chasing someone and losing interest. I'd rather be honest or be at a distance. Gwynna

There are assertiveness training courses, but they are usually for work related prolems. I've never seen a class about how to get over shyness in respect to dating. Maybe you should try talking about something work related, and see where it goes. If you are in the same department, it will be a lot easier to find something. Start small, then hopefully you will begin to feel more comfortable.

So even with my doubts and reservations I should just find someone and go for it? I don't know about that... Anyway, as for all guys being @ssholes, that's not true. I have male friends, and only a couple of them are at times. And I'm essentially positive about others finding people, I just can't seem to get over myself enough to let myself go.

I have this little war going on inside me right now. Half of me is jaded by the complete uselessness of dating, and is convinced that I'm not ready for someone to get close enough to me that I feel something. That half is the one that reminds me how hurt I've been by men in the past and how difficult it is to believe that anyone can be attracted to me. I just am not the type of girl men fall instantly in love with, and no one has ever been patient enough to stick around and find out if I am at all. The other half is my romantic idealist side. The one that wants to eventually find love, and passion and follow all of the avenues that lead to such wonderful places. I tend to love everyone I meet...not in a romantic sense of course, in the respect that I see the best in everyone, but it means that when someone hurts me it does more damage than anyone imagines. So needless to say, when I date someone, my heart gets involved REALLY fast (and no, I don't tell them that), and when it's over it slams me to the ground. I haven't been on a date in close to 4 years. I've been interested in men, but then my little holy war starts and I just don't do anything, I can't make up my mind. I'm a really fantastic person. I make friends easily, I am intellegent, charismatic and funny. But I tend to use sarcasm as a defense mechanism. I'm interesting looking, not ugly, not gorgeous, and like most women, have a skewed body image. I just can't seem to break down the walls I've built against falling for someone again. And recently, I've found I really want to. It's not for one guy in particular, more because my life is so good right now, but for this one exception. I'm genuinely happy, but I want something more than work and courses and nights spent wanting companionship. Sorry, the post was so long... Gwynna