missy25

Day 13 Today was suppose to be the day we will get in touch with each other to work things out. I feel so stupid for even expecting a phone call or a message from him. It's the afternoon right now, and I haven't heard anything... Why do I do this to myself when I know that he probably wants to break it off? If he had any intentions of working it out, he would have called me. I feel so stupid for looking at the getting back together stories, and hoping that one day, I will post my story. Those stories gave me hope, that maybe the impossible will happen. In the process, I hurt myself every single day because of that hope. I wish I can just snap out of it and move forward. I've been keeping myself busy with school and work. The friends that I have abandoned while we were together, I found again. I should be happy, but I feel so hollow. I know that I've decided that I will not contact him regardless of what we talked about 2 weeks or one month. I want him to contact on his own, because it hurts me more when he gives me the cold shoulder. I am just really exhausted thinking about this. I wish I can get to the point when I can stop waiting and just accept that it is over.

Day 10 My heart is pounding and my heart is racing. I can't take my mind off of him... I know my limit though, so I won't initiate contact. He was very cold the last time I got in touch with him. That's more than enough reason for me to back off. I've been missing for more than a week, and he didn't even get in touch... I can't believe I'm still somehow hoping that things will change. Wishing I can get past the hurt and just be in the acceptance stage. For now, alone time is going to the getting back together forum, and looking for happy endings to help me feel slightly better. I'm getting stronger everyday though. At least, I've been keeping my word about keeping NC.

Day 8 I'm feeling sadness and hatred right now. I'm so sad to let this relationship go because of how important this is to me. I'm sad because after everything that he and I have been through, prior to this break, we always stuck by each other. I'm angry because out of all the hardships that we have struggled with for the past 2 1/2 years, his issues seemed so little and with communication, can actually be straightened out. I am angry because even if I was upset with him, and always said that I will break up with him, it was always just talk. At the end of the day, all the issues were hashed out and forgotten. Why is it that when I'm the one who wants to compromise he can't hear me out? Instead he shuts me out, and now I'm forced to pick up the broken pieces... I am hurt because he turned his back on us, and I wish it didn't have to be like this. I know I made my mistakes too, but I wish that he had given us another chance. After all, if 2 people really love each other they will try to make it work no matter what...

Day 6 I've been up and down. Sometimes, I don't want to think about it anymore, but sometimes I get this nervous feeling that I want to get in touch with him at that very moment. Still feeling confused whether I should get in touch with him, if he doesn't get in touch with me in a couple of weeks. I was sincerely honest when I said that I wanted to work things out with him. I know that I needed to change, and I am currently working on it. Due to our conversation last Thursday, we have decided to work it out after giving him space for 2 weeks. I am honestly very scared, because he might change his mind or say that he is still not ready. Therefore, I am thinking about not telling him about the NC. Should he decide to not contact me within our timeframe when we're suppose to work things out, I am thinking about just letting it be and go NC to avoid the possible pain that he might put me through. But won't that mean that I am inconsistent? I sincerely want to work it out, and then I will just disappear completely? How does this work? I'm so confused on what to do...

Hi Enn. Thanks for giving me a wake-up call... I really love him and I do want him back... But you are right. He finds me so predictable already. I guess in two weeks, I won't give him a call. At least I know that he initiated the call himself, and not because I forced him to do it. Then more NC until I get the answer I am looking for. For the meantime, I will be busy and have fun without him!

Day 2 So broke the NC after four days when I was out drinking with my friend. The thought of being in limbo was driving me ballistic. I called him up in the afternoon and no reply... He texted me in a few hours asking how I was doing. By that time, my friend and I were in a bar already and starting to drink. I couldn't handle all the confusion so I called him up. I told him that I hate being in a limbo because I'm not sure whether I should move on or not. He still said "I don't know", I asked him if he minded if I could date guys during this break, and he said "do what you have to do". I asked him again if he is sure and he said that he does mind. I told him that if he wants me to wait for him, it is unfair for me because at any time he can pull the plug and say it is over. I gave him a choice. I told him that I'm willing to work on this relationship, but if he doesn't want to and he thinks that our differences are unworkable, then let's just break up. He did say again that he wants his space, but he wants to work it out. we gave each other 2 weeks of space, while he works on his issues, and I work on mine. It's frustrating because he thinks that relationships should be smooth and easy. I told him that once the honeymoon phase is over, that's when the real work begins, since no two people are the same. Odd too because most of our issues can be talked about and compromised, so I don't know why he's suddenly so confused...

Thanks Enn. It's so immature to be handling things via a phone call though. I still can't get my head around that. I know that's how he's trying to handle his confusion right now, but I still think after all we've been through, I deserve to hear it from him face to face.

Day #4 Dreamt last night that we got back together. I'll take it as a grain of salt though, as I never know what the future holds. Thinking about him still gives me a twinge of pain in my heart, and it gives me headache. I accidentally saw his instagram yesterday. The pics that he had put in were from places we went to, but I'm not included in there anymore. The break is really leading toward a break up it seems like. I'm really trying to move on and keep myself busy. I had my weak moments when I want to give him a call. Seems like everyday that we don't talk, he's moving farther and farther away from me, and I want him to know that I'm here. But then I revert back to thinking that talking to him will not be worth it, because he has decided on his mind that we are done and I can't change his mind. I feel like I'm going back and forth and it is tiring. I'm trying not to wait behind the wall and start living my life, but there are moments of weakness, and I go back to waiting.

Day #3 I was fine yesterday... I didn't think of him that much, and I only cried once. I've thought about the things that he said: I don't think it's going to work out, I'm not happy, I feel trapped, I don't want you to get hurt, and I feel suffocated. I think that it's his way of saying goodbye to me, because we were suppose to meet up prior to the initiation of the one-month break, but he kept on putting it off. I think that he is guilty that he is going to say goodbye to me, and he can't face me! Yesterday, I hated him for being a coward. He thought it will hurt less if he did not see me or that a one-month break to ease my pain is a better option than leaving me dead cold. But it's such a passive-egressive and immature way of handling things! I resented him yesterday, and thought that I do not want somebody like him anyway. This site has been helping me with my recovery, and my friends are there to support me. I know that I need to let go and move forward. But how do I? I miss him terribly... I miss him today more than anything. I feel like I'm punched in the stomach whenever the thought of you moving on and being with someone else cross my mind. I don't think that he misses me, because if he did, he would have gotten in contact with me a few days ago. I can't wait until the day that I recover from this... It's way too raw and painful.

Day #1: Yesterday we have decided to have a one-month break. I want to treat it as a break up, because I have heard that most "breaks" result in break ups. I had finals today, but I couldn't concentrate nor study. I have been crying on and off. When distracted by my friends or when I have someone to talk to the pain goes away. I think about him and our memories together. He wasn't my first love but my second, and it was genuine. I knew that he loved me, but maybe grew tired of us. I want to get in touch with him, but I know that the more I initiate contact, the further he runs away. I wonder if he feels the same way I am feeling? My brain is thinking that I shouldn't expect anything. I should expect the worse case scenario and think that either he will tell me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, or not even initiate contact with me after a month. My heart is telling me to expect the good things though. That maybe in a month, he will realize what he is missing, and come back. I know right now, the more explanations I give him, the more he will say I am not respecting his request. I should have listened to him when he was verbalizing his concerns about our relationship. I don't know why I have been so caught up with me and not his needs. Now, I feel that everything is too late and he has made up his mind about us. I feel so helpless and lonely even if my friends have been trying to cheer me up. I want to improve myself, but I just want to cry it all out.

I'm currently on the same boat. I initiated the break up though he wanted a break, but I think a break is too much for me to handle if he decided he wants to leave for good. We've been together for almost 2 1/2 years, and while things were great, we certainly had our ups and downs. I know that he loves me very much, and he mentioned that he is not sure of what he wants. At one point, we were talking about the future and settling down together. I asked him recently if he saw a future with me and he said yes. However, he feels pressured and overwhelmed right now and he doesn't know what he wants in life or our relationship. I feel like the more I try to talk to him and work it out, the more he thinks it will not work out. Anyway, as much as I mentally want to move on, I miss him terribly. One day, I wish that I will get to post a successful story. On the other hand, my first love and I dated for a year and a half on and off LDR. Just when I was about to see him, he cancelled on me the last minute! After almost 2 years he calls me up and tells me that I was a good gf and he wants to start over. I didn't want to because I was already over him and I realized that he had not treated me well when we were together. My current ex was so much better in so many aspects.