quazit

ugh she mace we went to a park and she was cold and we started getting closer and well we ende dup seirouly making out and well then we went back to my house and my room and we made out more butthen right b4 she had to leave she said she wasnt going to take me back but maybe i could convince her over time... ugh i understnad where shes comnig from and hse has sound reasoning but it seriously seems like she wanted exactly this to happen... like she wanted to do this stuff with me and then just give me the blow right b4 she left it hink it mgiht be something to see if ill cheat on her even when were not going out shes making me hurt to see if ill do anything with the girl thats coming over later i was already hurting from what i did but this is a whole different kidn of hurt she didnt even seem pissed off or hurt by what i did at all she just kind of seemed i dunno like she wasnt sure what was going to happen but was sure what she was going to do

this manipulator thing isnt really a curse in some ways im planning at the moment to become a lawyer so i dunno could be usefull then but sometimes im afria div ended up manipulating everyone andit jsut might be part of my personality

just because she doesent question it does not mean that she doesentsee through it and is suspiciouse but its eating her up inside because she cant ask you about it maybe if she felt she could you wouldnt have this opinion on lying. if she did ask what would you tell her? and would you be able to lie to her to her face?

hey im definitly a practitioner of honesty in a relationshi no mater what... bad or good it has to be the truth in a relationship i know that and i always have. she appearantly cheated on me too though she says mines worse because i made the first move and i supose thats true... ugh i just hope i dont drive myself crazy b4 she gets here otherwise theres now ay in hell we are working this out

i hope so but yea the relationships over... but im hoping to god i can still be friends with her considering how compatable me and her are. i was already hurt because i am really disgusted with myself at what iv done but she doesent care that much... like im hating myself more than shes hating or even not trusting me i cant be ina relationship with her right now cause i broke my own god damn trust in myself... 15 and i mess up this bad already... o well my friends were all pretty harsh about this but they all believe that im sitll a good person. so that tells me something. some of them said finally because i have such a perfect track record. friends react very diff to what you expect sometimes. im glad none of them tried to say what i did was ok though. i would have just thought they were stupid for thinking i would believe that. i made sure to keep myself honest by telling her bestfriend because i coudlnt get ahold of her so i knew if i didnt tell her her friend would so there was now ay for me to stop it

and to answer a question from someone earlyer how do i feel when i get what im trying to well i feel genuinly good. and when i dont get it well its eaither because i would have hurt them badly or played on fears or i just felt i seriously didnt deserve it. its why i didnt want to talk it out with my gf in person because i just instantly wanted her back. she looks like a goddess to me and well not only that we just cant seem to help standing really slose and well i wanted to not manipulate her but then instead of saying we needed to be friends i ended up kissing her neck... so yea ummm i cant really remember a case of when my manipulations failed except for two girls for whom i was putty in thier hands literally would have done almost naything they said as soon as i could. they werent manipulators but something about them made me drop and not think about every defence i have

im not in control of all things and iv been in group situations and it did go good but the way i seem to do it is not by lying because although i can lie i dont as much as i possibly can the way i do it it seems like is i just feel hell i canrctically taste their emotions and i know exactly what they want to see back i dont use thier fears or insecurities or blackmail if i feel like im going to do that i wont have the emotion that they want. the thing is i actually feel this emotion whn i gave it to them its not just like calculated things to do or to say i just feel it back and well it tends to get the end result i want. while thats how i do it with some people with other people who are analysts i can just weave my words around emotions and well end up with a silver tongue i give them facts not fiction i talk it out wit them and generally show them a new prespective and i tend to have passion for what im speaking aobut in both my voice and eyes almost o mater what it is exactly i talk about

hey umm i know if youv read my other posts i must just seem like pure evil by now but i never realized until now how much i think i manipulate people i can convince people to do waht i want almost always ... i try and do this as little as i possibly can considering the ramifications but well i just have a personality that makes it very easy to do that. i fixed things with my girlfriend but i had to end it when i realized the only way i was able to do this was by manipulating her. i cant be with someone if iv done that to them because i might slip and do it again and it makes me feel like it wasnt really her decision. does anyone else feel like this or any comments on it?

yea well waaaaay to late for that and also we arent going to stick together my decision but not because i dont care about her its just well im a bit messed up in the head because around her and this other girl i just dont think. my emotions run me completely im seeing both of them tomrow and im getting things figured out and hopefully i will have two friends or a friend and a soon to be gf but i dont know whats going to happen exactly but i dont really agree with you well on one level i do but on another id ont i agreee that if i hadnt wanted to hurt her not telling her would have been better but i coudlnt have done that it would have ended up jsut as bad i had to tell her i cant lie to her like that even if its jsut not telling her a truth i cant do it i dont think ill ever be able to keep something like this fomr someone i actually care about

i figured out what my sense of dread its that ill hurt her again i thought it had something to do with i thought it had something to do with i wont be happy in the relationship but its got ntohing to do witht hat im still afraid it might fail and badly but the feeling of dread was ove rher happyness not mine

it fels like my relationship with my girlfriend is doomed because of the history weve had in such a short time she doesent really trust me yet she even admits that and she doesent evenw ant me hanging out with the girl i cheated with but im not going to be restricted with my friends for any girl i decided that a long time ago because thats what a girl made me do once. and i coudlnt stand it it just made me hate that girl. i really have a horrible feeling that im going to do something or shes going to do something or that even one of our friends are going to do something but iv never been wrong when iv had these feelings it may not always come soon the bad thing but it has always come i vonly had these feelings 3 times b4 and some of those were jsut about friends and well the feeling was no where this strong... im trying to ignore it but its making me physically ill. im throwing p because im trying to push it away so i cant do that iv got to thinkon it isolate what my fears are and figure it out... i dont think a relationships going to work very well a relationship between me and her right now simply because she made me figure soemthing out about myself and now i have to cope with it and well this other side of me is only run by my emotions i havent learned to quite controll that side of me with thought yet and well its why i skrewed up and i feel very strongly for this other girl not only as a friend and not only in a loving way but very strongly in both.. i honestly dont know what to do right now it owuld have made it easyer if she hadnt forgiven me but she did and now i have to choose

i cant believe it we talked it out... were going to try some more and well now im going to try and be as perfect a bf as i can be. im still going to hang with the girl i cheated with but only as friends and i told that girlt his and she was fine with it i feel happy but for some reason i get the worst feeling that this is the calm b4 the storm

o ok sorry taking thing kinda personally right now i guess....

yea i flirt with everyone i even kind of flirt with guys iv never been able to help it and well yea it all depends on comfort level if i had a girlfriend who was uncomfortable with me tlaking to girls to much then it would be a problem because i talk and hang with girls more often than not. i jsut get along with em better while this leads alot of guys to think im gay i really dont care... i am comfortable tellin gmy gf when i like cuddle with people and stuff cause they know that usually its just how i express my friendship sometimes and its diff when im cuddling with her

no checking out can sometimes be cheating especially if its someone he could possibly get with. and sexual kissing and touching is a good way to describe it. alot better than trying to set it upon a whole lot of circumstances

i wasnt just doing this to discuss my situation this was for everyone to express thier ideas of what it was so if oyu have an opinion on what is cheating please express it

definitly keep at it my friend my dad has taught me to focus reiki energy and well its healing energy its always worked for me and weve healed all our pets and eachother on numerouse occasions and also iv been trying to do what you are doing but the only energy i can get out of my hands is reiki energy no matter what i do. i havent tried meditating for any real amount of time though so maybe i should start iv meditated some b4 and it helped me get a hold on the reiki and also helped me not go insane from some of the things i pick up from other people (this all may sound very odd but my family researches and practices these things) and well im kind of an empath so if i dont learn how to shield it will skrew me up big time

definitly it makes alot of sense. when i cuddle with one of my friends its just like a way to be closer without overstepping the line into a relationship. me and my gf agreed that kissing for games like truth or dare wasnt cheating but thi stime since i was atteracted to the girl it turned into more... i never thought i would be attracted to anyone besides my gf that i have but it jsut happened and i feel and felt like crap i spent an entire night with that other girl and in the morning i think both of us were feeling regret. im seeing the girl i cheated with again on tuesday and were going to try and figure things out then and well after i tell my girlfriend what i did im pretty sure ill never be seeing or talking to her again... but cheating to me is a kiss or anything more with a loving or even lustfull intent behind it so thats why games dont count. i just realized a very fatal flaw in that idea last night however.

o bad writing on my part too i was talking too james_533 who seemed like they wanted me too take a hint of some kind. i did recently cheat on somoene so i guess it just kind fo started me thinking about all of this... because well i suppose my thoughts on cheating are a bit odd because well i have alot of friends who are girls and i just like cuddle with em all and well last night it turned into cheating the first time its ever gone further than cuddling like that and well its the first time i ever cheated on anyone and im never going to do it again

15 and i guess i didnt explain i was just wondering this im not trying to get advice on what to do or not to do its just something that everyone has different opinions on so i was just wondering

listen i know this should be a personal dicision between you and your partner but for you personaly what constitutes as cheating?

and mscolly i can see by one of your threads earlyer that you have had a bad experience with cheating and lying so it means alot coming from you that you say that its not an intollerable thing i did because im not going to lie. i will still never do it again but i at least am not even at the back of my mind tihnking of overdosing on the pain killers i have... it wasnt a big thought and well there was almost no chance of me doing it but its still better that its not there at all

yea i know cuddling can lead to other things but its always been something iv done with my friends who are girls. i think theres only been like 4 girls iv been good friends with whom i havent cuddled with. but your right cuddlings kinda risky when your in a relationship. i didnt think about any of this when she turned around and we were face to face. then we started getting really close and i just gave in. and i kind of feel bad about kissing her on another level cause me kissing her then was her first kiss. it woudlnt have been so bad if id only kissed her once but we hung out all night like that and of course in morning after netality i felt like crap the next morning i had nausia and a migrane and well my pain killers made me so dizzy i coudlnt walk. my mind punishes my body for some things... and well i was afraid i wasnt going to tell my gf the truth so to keep myself honest i told her best friend last night but told her i wanted to tell claire because well its the right thing to do. its going to hurt her i know that which is why i had to make sure i kept myself honest otherwise i would have not wanted to hurt her and i might have lied.i seem to always end up doing something or at least wanting to do something and she does too with all the girls i get close too... only two girls have been this exception. i feel like such a rat for all of this though but thank you for telling me its better i learn from my istakes now

thank you for the kind words but i know im going to hurt her thats what makes this so horrible this is a horrible feeling this will be the last time i cheat. im kind of empathic so i have to learn how to stop myself from wanting to recipricate when someones showing me emotions of love or even lust. she was just going to give me another chance after i f*cked up earlyer too.

i feel like i shoudlnt be in a relationship ever because it always ends up in both of us getting hurt... no matter hwat my friends may think it does hurt me every time a relationship ends