the_tiger_striped_cat

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check out the links at the bottom. get support and get over this. At least you want to change.

ha ha.. of course.. I actually revised it a bit. I think I'm sending it tonight

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You are one of the most beautiful, loving, self-sacrificing people I know. You truly are an angel . I am really going to miss you. I feel like I'm at the end of a movie, hoping so dearly for something after the credits, hoping for a sequel. Kelley, I don't know if there's a heaven. I hope so. Then I could introduce my sister and grandfather to your mother. But do me a favor would you? When you go back there, look for me please. And if I make it there, I'll make sure to look for you too. But either way, when God does review my life, as it flashes before my eyes the second before I die, I know there will be memories of you.

Memories of bold romantic overtures, legs wrapped so tightly as if tied by Gordian himself. Or the first firefly I ever saw outside your place, right by where we would sit together and watch--a ballroom of dancing stars. The , the tickles, and all the youthful abandon. The hours spent waxing philosophical in your office, or all those many movie nights I spent cuddling with an angel on a small cloud in heaven. Or the poems and the proclamations of love. Or how I was so happy being with you that I lost track of everything possible, including life itself. And how you looked on the last day I saw you. And your beautiful voice. And

I guess I never had a chance to show you my truest feelings or full potential. But in the end I guess that doesn't really matter does it? One day, when much time has passed I will no longer regret the things I did, or chances missed. I won't be sad that circumstance wouldn't allow love to grow in your heart. I will only be elated that it grew so powerfully in mine--that I dared, that I hoped, that I risked anything to love you that much. In the end, I will simply thank God for every single moment that you were a part of my stupid little life. I only want you to know that you are unmatched in this world Kelley, and the only reason I fell in love was you. And as the tears form a stream down my smiling face, as I type these final words, I just want you to know: I pray for the best for you in your life, I know you will be happy, and...

I will always love you.

They do taste disgusting don't they. But you're not doing it becasue it tastes good. The one I was used were from a GNC or a vending machine at my gym. They look like this:

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These don't tast like shakes, they are more like juice then milk. Myoplex also makes good protein drinks, but they are more like a chocolate shake. I hate drinking a chalkly milk after workingout, but this is more like a chalkly juice, so it's a little bit better.

Now you notice it's a little on the expensive side, but I only drank them for about 5 times a week for 4 weeks or so, I ate like an animal, lifted hard and drank these things after working out. It's very important to take protein when your muscles are starved for it.

So I think I went from 165 --> 180 and probably about 10lbs of that was muscle. You do have to watch that your not packing on the lbs. You should err on the side of getting a little fatter, the cut phase will take care of that. But my waist probably gained at least an inch. But when I came back at least 3 people independenly said, "you look huge." I have since been on a cut phase so I'm back down to 170 but I've kept most of the lean body mass. So I'm same bf% as last year but with 10 more lbs of muscle, I plan on doing the same thing for winter break. It's a good way to train actally, bulk in the winter, cut in the spring for swimsuit season in the summer.

Good luck on your training.

That was so sad... like a movie.

Got to love the earlobe kiss.

-Spiderman kiss -- Just watch the movies.

-The "fight for the upper lip becasue that signifies dominance" -- try to fight with your lover to kiss their upper lip HA HA FUN!

-suck the touge kiss -- self explanatory

-the longest movie kiss ever

-the make her laugh kiss. take your lower lip and curl it outwards then stick your toungue up so its curling against your upper lip--- it makes you look like you have giant lips.. NOW KISS THEM AND DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!

Cant think of any others at the moment

ice you are exactly right. will you marry me?

He is 29, I'm 25. He told me I was his first real relationship since his fiance called off their wedding 5 years ago. He's the type of person who will only do things if he wants to. I guess that's why I thought these were good signs that he may have realized he made a mistake...that maybe he's slowly coming back.

Listen to iceesonebubble becasue she's the hottest girl on this forum . (And she complemented me )

But anyways, I would be VERY careful. Was there anything that 'sparked" the breakup between you two. I'm just trying to wach out for the case wehre he ends up hurting you again. And if he couldn't make it work with his last gf then that doesn't auger well. I'm not saying that you're in a horrible state. But if he doesn't have comittment problems he has problems knowing what he wants. The later is usually a problem with women though, men are the ones with comittment problems. The fact that he "needed space" doesn't bode well either.

I'm sorta worried for you. Did you ever talk about marriage? Was there anything you did that might have scared him away? Does he have problems making major purchaes? How is his relationship with his parents? Just be CAREFUL. If he does come back, make sure it seems like he does because he loves you. I want you to understand that there are guys out there that really do love their women and do romantic things, go down on them everyday--oops, where was I, oh yeah-- guys who really would like nothing better than to marry their girl. So don't let this guy breakup with you more than once, or string you along for years.

As you can see I seem to think that he might want to get back with you, like the others might be. All I'm saying is you need to think further down the road on this.

Good luck sexy

abcd I think I just got that avatar. Is that the senesi from Naruto??

Carter,

NUTRITION IS SO IMPORTANT. I used to lift a lot in high school and I got strong but didn't see much in terms of gains.

You need to eat a high protein meal after breaking down your muscle. The last poster was right. High weight/low reps (8-10) and good nutrition is key to hypertropy. I lifted hard for 3 weeks last december and took a high quality protein suplement drink after my workouts (50g I think) I got big. My friends all commented on how big I was. I saw was because that's how you should do it.

Cut phase--> Mass phase --> cut phase --Mass phase. Eventually you'll have the BMI of Stalone.

good luck

I don't get it. This is ALWAYS the case. The military girls can make LDRs work for YEARS at a time, half way around the world. Yet, my ex couldn't even make it work with her ex for a year, broke up twice and still had a REALLY hard time (argued all the time) this last year after the 3 attempt, and they only lived 6 hours away.l

Is it something about the Millitary. Do you think it makes them more caring, more responsible? Or is it that the women that fall for millitary guys are more predesposed to having a good relationship, maybe they had good relationsihps with their parents and their parents had a open loving relationship with each other.

I really wish I knew,

I agree COMPLETELY. Actually I never really thought aobut it that way. Doctor, we can only go on what you tell us. And we can only go 2 sets of 5 sentences, it's nothing like 1-on-1 therapy. I just assumed that it had something to do with your relationship--I mean this is a relationship forum. I wasn't even ASSUMING you had more deep seeded psycholigical issues you had to deal with, or some psychological tauma that would require therapy.

But EVEN IF this were the case, I still think it doesn't paint you in a good light. But I hope you're making progress with your problems. You know all those things your tharpist jots down on his note pad? Or maybe he's one of those guys that just keeps mental notes.

He's saying,

-"insecurity issues" or "fear of abandonment" or "fear of comittment"

-defense mechanisms used: passive-aggression (maybe), reaction formation, isolation of affect, and either repression or supression.

You know why you are the only one that boke NC this way? You know why everyone seems to say it was a bad idea that you contaced her? You know why no one else needs the same "closure" you have? You know why everyone goes "eeesh" when they heard that your "most important day of your life" was to contact your ex, that you haven't talked to in 6 months, that YOU BROKE UP WITH. It's because something is SERIOUSLY wrong. And the fact that you need therapy seems to say as much.

But don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying this in a bad way. We all have problems. I believe therapy is a good thing for anyone. But reread the stuff that I said, no reason to get defensive. I'll even end it like I've ened all the other ones.

I hope it works out for you.

thanks

No one should need "closure" after 6 months and getting on. Go read you're other post, one more person agrees.

But anyways, I'm glad it worked out, whatever it was.

Not poetry but the closing to my final words to my ex who moved away last week. Be VERY critical, I want this to be memorable--after all they will most likely be my final words. The names have been removed to protect the innocent, also removed inside knowledge.

Should be read to american beauty closing score

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You are one of the most beautiful, loving, self-sacrificing people I know. I am really going to miss you. I feel like I’m at the end of a movie hoping so dearly for something after the credits, or maybe a sequel. , I don’t know if there’s a heaven. I hope there would be because I might get to introduce my sister and grandfather to your mother. But it’s moments like these that demand meaning from me—meaning that I don’t find in this world--so I believe in God. When he does review my life, as it flashes before my eyes the second before I die, I know some of those memories will be of you.

Memories of or our courting experience, legs wrapped so tightly as if tied by Gordian himself. Or the first firefly I ever saw outside your place, right by where we would sit together—a ballroom of dancing stars. The the tickles, and the youthful abandon. The hours spent waxing philosophical in your office. Or all those many movie nights I spent cuddling with an angel on a small cloud in heaven. Or your ability to spark the best poetry and originality from a man who is known for his adaptation. Or how I was so happy being with you that I lost track of everything, including life itself. And how you looked the last day I saw you. And your beautiful voice. And Zelda.

I guess I never had a chance to show you my truest feelings or full potential. But in the end I guess that doesn’t really matter does it? One day, when much time has passed I will no longer regret the things I did, or chances missed. I won’t be sad that circumstance wouldn’t allow love to grow in your heart, but I will be absolutely elated that it grew so wildly in mine. In the end, I will only thank God for every single moment that you were a part of my stupid little life. I only want you to know that you are unmatched in this world -----, and there was only one reason I feel in love: you. And as tears fall down my smiling face, as I type these final words, I just want you to know: I pray for the best for you in your life, I know you will be happy, and….

I will always love you.

This is VERY hard.

You have to avoid her, you have to change yourself. You have to let HER DISCOVER differences in her and think to herself, "I was wrong about him." You have to understand why she thinks you're a friend, "friendship energy" is a vague platitude that could mean just about anything. You can't ask her anything or use words or it will look like you are trying to prove something.

And another thing is that it may be at this time in her life she cant see you this way. I had a friend that I knew since high school. I sorta fell for her a few years later. The reason I started thinking about her more is because a friend of mine asked about her and I and I was done getting over someone else. She didn't feel the same way, and it wasn't until I was with and over someone else that she now seems more and more interested in me (maybe), but I'm not interested in her.

So you also need to know who she is pursuing. If she is thinking about someone else, I can almost guarantee that she wont view you as anything but a friend.

So the only think you can do is cater yourself to what you think she wants in a man, don't let her see you that often, act like you don't care about her that way anymore (if she ever knew) and hope that she will discover things about you and not think be preoccupied with thoughts anyone else.

Now there is the philosophical issue: are you betraying yourself by grooming yourself to her likes? Well I'll leave that up to you to decide. In some cases maybe, in others, maybe not. As Hoobastank says, "I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and there reason is you"

I am almost sympathetic because his hormones are raging. But I never did that at that age. I agree. Stay away. Find a nicer guy, you don't want someone like him to be your first anyways.

I'm glad it's going well. But you said that you didn't want anything but closure. You said that you just wanted some questions answered.

Be honest with yourself. All your defence mechanisms are running rampant. First of all you say you don't want to get back together with her. Yet you contact her? Why? You say because you want questions answered? But your entire new post is about how it went great (but nothing about the questions). Why is that? Was it because she is depressed? Is it because she misses you? Because it's obviously not because you want to go back with her.

We all see a couple of possibilities:

1) The fact that "it couldn't have gone better" and this was "the best decision [you've] made" just seems to be a passive-aggressive attempt to show everyone that gave you advice yesterday was wrong. I mean, it's obvious you are both stubborn becasue you both broke it off and didn't talk to each other for 6 months.

But it really doesn't matter what happened. Because our point was that anyone in your position, after 6 months (no matter how it ended), wouldn't have acted like you did. Search the forums. People move on without "closure" after 6 months. So I can only see one of two possibilities:

1) You are in denial, you want her back but you don't want to admit it to yourself (maybe you were hurt really bad or something).

2) OR You really have more serious problems (an acute sadistic bent) to deal with because you seem to be basking in her pain. You are happy that she is sad, and you don't seem to care.

Remember:

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. --Mahatma Gandhi

I really don't see how this post and yesterdays post puts you in any sort of good light here.

But I hope it does work out.

2 months really isn't long enough to establish a good emotional connection to endure an LDR. Maybe if you knew him for a long time before that. But then again it may just be you're problem here. I'm thinking that after 4 months, if I established the right connection I would be willing to wait 3 years.

So it sounds like you don't have taht connection or you wouldn't be doubting yourself. Let him go, keep in touch. Who knows, in 2 years you two might want to try again.

A two year Long distance relationship is the ultimate test. If you two can surrive that, I'd say that he is comitted and you are ready to be closer to him--but don't move in with him right away.

Don't tell your parents you are dating. Just pretend he's a friend. But either way, if you do make it up there, I, and most on here, can almost gaurentee you will be ruining your life for reasons that I can't even begin to list.

Let me tell you a story.

My ex went back to her ex. During that time, she invited me over to her house and fed me, her hand to my mouth, told me that her "feelings my change in the future," would tell me to txt her when she was with him, would hang up with him after talking for 4 minutes so that she could talk with me for 71 minutes, ould look at me in class , would flirt, left a blank message on my voice mail, was curious enough about me to visit my website, would email me and then check her email 30 minutes later to see if I emailed her. She would smile when she saw I that I still loved her, that it hurt me when she went to go see him. She would leave her email on for 5 hours straight on our anniversary to see if I emailed her, and even if we didn't see each other for months she would purposly not check her email so that she wouldn't keep being disappointed by NC. Once we saw each other for after not seeing each other for one month, she's easy to read and formed an obvious reaction ("I haven't seen you for a month" link removed ) she acted like nothing bothered her. The next morning she woke up real early and had to know if I emailed her overnight (this wasn't the only time either.

I actually could go on and on. But let me tell you, EVEN this wasn't enough to get her back. She moved away a week or so ago. And I still do have hope that this combined with the fact that things with her bf weren't going that great means many years from now when she's tired of dealing with a man that can't lvoe her the way she deserves, and that realzies that she wanted to be with him because of history--4 years of history--and and an idea of "true first love" taht she couldn't let go of that she would let me have the chance I never got becaue she was still attached to him.

Sorry for getting on my soapbox there. But I want you to know that, yes there is a good chance that he still has feelings for you. Depending on how old he is, and if he's been through breakups in the past he should be careful about leading you on. But it's a long way between having feelings for you and wanting to get back together.

Just stop analyzing every little thing. Be careful you don't end up being "just a friend." Let him do all the contacting. Because you can have all the circumstancial evidenece in the world, but that doesn't mean you're going to get a "I want you back speech" (Actually MANY NCers go through what you're going through without sucess.)

And the other thing that you are probably not even thinking about. This guy could be a serial noncomitter--a comittmentaphobe. He shows all the signs of it. How old is he? If he does this one more time I suggest you don't put up with his wishy-washyness.

Sorry I couldn't be of much help. More of a vent than anything. But good luck.

ill check it out

Well, tiger, i can tell you my doctor is pretty up to date on things. But if you want to believe the mass media & put your health at risk, hey, it's your funeral not mine, pal.

Ok I need to apologize because maybe I pushed to hard in one direction instead of being completely unbiased. But what you did was much worse. You cited, no facts, no collaborations, no publications, no references. Nothing but you're stubborn acceptance to believe what one doctor (yours) said, in a "I'm right, you're wrong" post. Let me be completely unbiased here:

FACT: this is still an unsettled issue (I think I counted at least 5 doctors in this first study):

Sources:

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FACT: For groups (CDC) that do admit that it is a "low risk activity" we have studies that say that 8/102 will contract from infected partner via oral sex

Source: Center for Disease Control: link removed

FACT: AIDS/HIV incidence rate in America is: 0.6% (6 out of 1000 people are infected with aids)

Source, Central Intellegence Agency:

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Combining the last two results (and assuming that EVERY person had an "oral problem" during oral sex (bleeding gums, whatever) (which is rare for some)

we have: .6% X 7.8% = 4 /10000 (or .0468%) chance of contracting aids via oral sex, with a partner at random.

Now to compare: You have a ~1/5000 chance of dying by an accident over a given year, and a 1/6000 chance of dying in a transport accident: and a 1/1781 chance of dying for any given circumstance:

Source Safty Commision:

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I'm not going to pass judgement here, or make any more recommendations. But I am going to post facts, not make an appeal by emotive language:

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The people should know the FACTS. Not be tricked one way or another. I won't even tell you my personal preference now. I just want to make sure that we don't keep spreading misinformation. That's how we got, "SARS is dangerous", "Shark attacks are up this summer", "Road Rage is an epidemic", "eggs are good/bad for you", "Aspartame causes brain tumors." We all want the truth, that's all.

Hope this helps

Sadie by the way:

You're doing something wrong if your condom failure rate is 10%.

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Two things.

Yes, you have no idea how manytimes I've heard, "He said he never wanted to speak to me again and then a week/month later he told me he loved me."

So the point is feelings change. But as I read your story I can't help but feel you can move on. When you completely forget about her, then that's when she is most likely to come back. Life is full of surprises, not expectations.

That day may come or may never come. If it did happen it would probably take years. You have to move on, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. But after everyone on here tells you to move on, you can always find solace in the phrase, "feelings change".

Scout you seeing results yet?

I reread a post and I want to add a few things.

The elliptic machine will probably help out alot and swimming is great overall. But if you don't start to see some sort of result then you should switch things up a bit. I take "toned" to be high muscle/fat ratio in a certain area. Britney (and don't worry about the comparison, i'm looking for Brad Pitt's abs ) probably has a high muscle/fat ratio in her thighs. That gives them their "toned" look. But they're also big because of all the muscle there. So there are two things to think about, pure size and how toned they are.

Now I know you don't mind the size as much, but you want the toned. What you're doing with the elliptic machine is great. This will build more dense muscle. But if you don't see results after enough time you should change your routine.

You should be tracking your progress (you should do this already) For size get a seamstresses tape measure, for body fat (bf%) in that area get a pair of calipers (I use slimguide), and just measure in that area as a rough guide, you probably should still weight yourself too. This will tell you if you're making progress losing fat.

See I'm afraid you're going to tell me that you don't need to worry about body fat. But that IS what being toned is. If you're legs were pure muscle you start to develop what are called stirations (where you can see the groves in the muscles). Now no mater how big your legs are you can still reach this state--this IS the epitome of toned. Now I'm just worried you're going to say, "I don't need to work on body fat because my tummy is nice and flat." But it doesn't work that way. If you lack the toned look in your muscles then you need to lose weight, there is no other way around it. The body stores fat in different places. In men it's the midriff, in women it's upper legs and buttocks. The first place you store is the last place you lose. Remember when Matthew Perry gained weight (or anyone) you start to see their face get bigger. After you lose weight you lose it first in your face and last in your stomach (for men) or butt (for women).

The thing is that you can't really lose fat in JUST the legs--"spot reduction" is a myth:

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If you don't see results, increase the cardio, and watch your nutrition. I can't emphasize enought how important DIET is.

Elliptic is good. But in running, for example, you burn 100 calories per mile regardless of speed. I'm sure the elliptic machine and swimming are more but I'm sure it's not by a tremendous amount more. In each 20-30 minute session, you probably burn about 500 cals max--about one McDonald's Big Mac. And each lb of body fat is 3500 calories. So diet is extremely important. Contrary to a previous posters comments. You hardly burn any calories at all lifting weights. You can burn them rebuilding muscle, but you're not really training that way. So keep up the cardio. Diet is extremely important if you want to become more toned.

-Eat 5-6 meals a day with low calories, eat low cal and err on the side of higher protein. Eating often means you don't spike your blood glucose and you have the added effect of burning more calories via the Thermic Effect of Food.

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-Drink lots of water and take a multivitamin daily.

-Have a cheat day once a week where you eat anything (keeps your metabolism up to speed).

-Track your progress, tape measure, calipers, take pictures, and count calories

-Increase the cardio and decrease the use of weights, If you're looking for strength just do pushups at home or use some small free weights for tris/bis

Now everyone is different, but if you exercise enough and eat often enough, your metabolism should be raging. But if this still doesn't work you might want to try restricting calories further or going low-carb.

Sorry to drone on this diet/body fat thing, and you've never really denied it before . But I'm telling you, if you want to be toned this IS what it amounts to: you can increase the muscle all you want, but you will always have a layer of subcutaneous fat that will keep you from looking tone.

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As for me, I've been trying a relaxed ketogenic diet (which isn't just for epilepsy)

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Just check out alt.fitness.weights. I'm not really good at sticking to this because there are carbs in everything I eat. I still had a hard time losing weight, I guess I was taking in too many calories. But since I was eating so much my metabolism was on hyperdrive. I didn't eat for 3 days--for other reasons--and dropped 1/2 inch off my waist. I know they say that I risk losing muscle by doing this, but my caliper readings say otherwise. It must of been because I was in ketosis.

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So now I'm at 170 @ ~11% bf and a 32 3/4 in waist.

I'm actually considering doing a fast again. I'll make it less dangerous by eating some calories in the form of protein.

Anyways, It takes years to understand your body, and many more years to work towards the body that you want. It took me a year just to gain 10lbs of muscle at the same bf %. So stick to it, and remember it's a very very long commitment.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

I realized that I forgot to put some details.

We have been together for about 4 months. She left her husband after 2 months. We were totally in love. She told me that I was the man of her life. We were soul mate. Passion between us was exceptionnal.

None of this matters. Out of respect for their relationship, she has a right to try one last time.

Yeah, I don't think it will last. But it's hard to tell. But people who separate twice rarely get back together permanently. But then again they were married.

All you can do it step back, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. You were just unlucky to have met her at this time, if you met her before she met him you would be together probably. But, C'est la vie.

Good luck