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Ok, this is a lengthly problem, so please bear with me. Last February my boyfriend almost broke up with me because a very close female friend of his was coming to visit and he wanted to go out with her without even introducing her to me first. I reluctantly agreed to stay home while he went out with her, despite the fact that I felt very hurt that he didn't even want to introduce her to me. I made sure he knew how his actions made me feel. We got through that, but a couple of months ago we broke up due to other things. During the time we wee broken up we still hung out together a lot and saw a lot of each other. eventually we started having sex again and being very intimate, holding hands, kissing, telling each other we felt love. Before the breakup we had planned to attend an event his family was holding in another city (the same city, incidentally, where his close friend lives). Obviously when we broke up I assumed my invitation was off. About 3 days before we officially started using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" again but long after the kissing, sex and ffection was underway, he invited his close friend to be his date for the event that I had previously been invited to attend with him. He did not discuss this decision with me first, and he didn't tell me about it until i happened to ask him several days later where he was staying. I am not worried that anything sexual will happen between them, however I'm extremely upset that he essentially replaced me without telling me, even when we were back on. So am I crazy to be upset? I feel like screaming.

Wow, Deja Vu! I'm in a VERY similar situation. My ex and I broke up because we had a LOT of issues... he was incapable of compromise and unwilling to give me the things I felt I needed if he didn't completely understand them. I was a bit too clingy and insecure. I moved out 2 weeks ago and we've been chatting and seeing each other, having a much better time together, now that we have some space. I know we both have isues we're working on, and I know that there's a lot of crap in his life that he has to get his head around before he could ever even try to give me anything I need. Still, we both express the desire to get to a point where we can build a solid friendship again and then, potentially, give the relationship another shot. I have never been single before. I have never lived alone before. This is one of the most terrifying things I've ever dealt with. I'm scared silly, I'm also afraid that he may just be putting me on hold until he can find a girlfriend FIRST, thereby sparing himself the hard feelings if I'm the first to hook up. Am I paranoid? Yes. Am I emotionally wrecked? Oh yeah. Am I torn apart and scared out of my mind? You betcha? Is it worth it? Well,despite all the crap we've endured, I still love him a lot and if he can get himself back to the person he was a year ago before his life started to crumble I think it will totally be worth the wait. I know a lot of people think this is nuts, but I'm trying to give myself something I need, and if that happens to be love for someone else, I think it's always worth another shot.

Well, you've all given me some very good advice and I wanted to end this saga by letting you know that yesterday we broke up and I am now packed and apartment hunting. I am extremely broken-hearted however I know that in time I will realize this is for the best. Sometimes love ISN'T enough - sometimes personalities just don't work.

This past week has offered a lot of challenges in this relationship, to the point where I almost said "enough!" last night. To further explain what I see as disrespect, here are a few examples of what's been going on. -I've been telling my boyfriend for the past year or so that it would mean a lot to me if we could go away for just one or two nights and have a romantic vacation together. It doesn't need to be expensive or lavish, i just want a getaway where we can bond and learn more about each other without the distractions of phones and computers and other people. He tells me that he absolutely does not understand this need and sees no reason why he should fulfill it. Now, in my mind, if you love someone and you know something is important to them, you try and let them have it if it means only a small compromise on your part. It doesn't matter if you understand or not, just knowing that it's important to your partner should be enough to make that sort of sacrifice. I feel that the fact that he won't do this for me is disrespectful of the things that are important to me. -2 nights ago we had our parents over for dinner and I spent the entire day cooking. I also did most of the cleanup afterwards. I was happy to do this and didn't complain. Last night my BF invited a friend of his over for dinner. At 5 o'clock when I asked him what we were having he told me that our friend was bringing something to BBQ and I could make a salad. When I indicated that I expected him to help out, especially after all the work I'd done the day before, he got upset. Eventually he did help me get supper ready however once dinner was over (less than an hour after our friend arrived) my boyfriend told me they were going out and off they went. Now I'm used to him going out without me, however I was under the impression that last night we were having a friend over to hang out and socialize. I felt very deserted. Is this out of line? Those are just two examples. A lot of what you folks have been saying hits the nail right on the head and I am pretty sure that this IS an issue of his desire to commit to a relationship. When I mention it, he insists that he IS ready for a long term committment but that I don't give him enough space.He did ask ME to move in with him, it wasn't the other way around. As it is he comes and goes as he pleases, he works from home so his work schedule is his own and he has no trouble going out with friends at all hours of the day and night. It seems like ANY expectations I have of him are too much. he has many expectations of me, but there seems to be a double standard and I don't think he's capable of seeing this. Anybody else go through this?

Thanks for all the suggestions. I agree that disinvesting emotionally is probably the only way for me to deal with this, however I am still struggling with the respect issue. How do I point out that he's being disrespectful in a way that doesn't seem nagging? It doesn't seem to matter how I approach the issue - he immediately gets defensive and either yells or walks away, insisting that I'm being immature. It seems like there's no good way to bring it up!

I'm confused and I joined this forum because I think it's time I heard someone else's opinion. Here's the situation: I've been with my boyfriend now for abuot 18 months. We have lots in common, we enjoy being with each other and we are both (or claim to be) very much in love. The problem lies in how he deals with (or fails to deal with) my emotional needs. Now let me start by saying I'm not the most needy person in the world -I have fairly high self esteem - but there are some things that I think I deserve. One of those things is the same consideration and respect that I give him. If he tells me he's going to be home a certain time I expect a phone call if he's going to be late...not 2 hours after the time he said he'd be here. If we make plans to go way for the weekend I expect that to be a priority, not something that happens only if nothing else gets in the way. I expect him to want to spend time with me, plan activities with me, tell me what's going on in his life when it's relevant, not days after the fact. I don't think that these needs are unreasonable. I consistently pay attention to make sure that his needs are met and it makes me happy to do little things for him that will make his life easier. He has no problem telling me what he needs to make his life better and happier and he is absolutely unwilling to make any compromise that means his needs suffer in any way. Whenever I express MY needs, however, he claims that I am not in touch with myself, that he can't possibly fulfill my needs until I make myself happy. It all seems like he's just trying to psychobabble me into beleiving that I'm the one in the wrong and the responsibility for getting everything I want out of our relationship is purely mine. So am I really messed up? He insists I need to see a shrink and I think I'm 100% in control of my brain and my feelings...I know what I need, I just don't know how to convince him that he has to contribute to it. He won't even listen when I try to explain my side. what's up?