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Do you have a bank account? 
 

If you have one start depositing your pay so you have a paper trail that’s rental friendly. 
 

If you don’t or you do but you want to keep this money under the table, you could try maybe getting a statuatory declaration from your employer and or yourself saying that you are indeed employed and receive regular income.  Finding a way to put the money in the bank really will be your best bet though for getting a rental. 

Ohhhhh such a small and important thing! That’s extra frustrating it’s absence has cost you this sale.

I think what I learnt from this is unless you check for the arrival of things at the other end there’s no guarantee. (Not that that’s exactly realistic when you’re moving a whole damn house but maybe a hot list of the top 20 most valuable things). 
 

I’d be upset about the unilateral decision to host them too. 
 

I think, when they’ve gone home, that’s a calm conversation worth having. Please will you discuss with me before you invite family into our home otherwise it makes me feel like you don’t think of it as my home as well and that hurts my feelings’.

And I also like the suggestion above to take this time to try and form a relationship with her. Hit the reset button, give her and yourself the benefit of a clean slate. If she is ever mean to you you can cut interactions short for that day and remove yourself from the situation but the next day, go into that new interaction as if the hurtful one never happened. Think of this as a gift you’re giving yourself to give this woman a blank slate when needed and yourself space from her when needed. 

Cheated or not cheated she definitely turned into not the right person for you and it’s a very good thing you both ended it. 
 

Eckhart Tolle would ask what thoughts are running through your mind while you feel this bad feeling? Are the thoughts caused by the feeling or causing the feeling? It’s true this question might propagate in your mind many times in the future, thoughts are like that. But you have some agency around whether or not you engage in it. I’d recommend observing it has appeared and then directing your attention somewhere else, breathing, a memory that makes you feel good, fresh air and sun on your face (if available), a song you love listening to, the list goes on. 

Agree she may yell now but if you tell her how upsetting it is, would she be open to working on her emotional regulation? See what she says, go from there. (Do maybe mention that you can handle it but it feels like death from 1000 cuts when it’s the go to way to express upset). 
 

And you, can make a choice to change the narrative in your head. Can, and really owe it to your wife and child to try. Every time you catch yourself thinking ‘I could have been with my soul mate’, chase it with, ‘but she wasn’t the soul mate for me, she didn’t stand up for me and our child, I didn’t bring my kindest self to the last three years of our relationship, it didn’t work, which freed me to meet and fall for current partner, who I love for *insert reasons here, the more the better* and the along came child, an innocent child who needs me to be 100% in. I am 100% in!’

I have followed up with the current occupants. Add them to the list of people who haven’t seen anything. (Having said that, via the real estate agent. Can’t hurt to visit in person. But not holding my breath. I was there on the last day, the pc, it’s big, hard to miss, that was not. )
 

I’m not being sarcastic, sometimes I drive around the block in the city to check nothing fell in the gutter when my passenger got out. Just the paranoia manifests much more in checking nothing has been left behind than checking it arrived. (I’m seeing, with hindsight, a gaping hole in this system.)

This is my partner (romantic, same one as last year, it has been going a lot better since Oct, still bad communication sometimes but we’re good at repairing), not some random removal company, I had no reason not to trust him with the move, even my pc. Wouldn’t you trust yours?
 

On the not great people front this would be the first indication, all of the previous accumulated experiences suggest diligent, decent people. 4th and 5th dumb explanations, someone left the garage door open and it was taken. Someone moved it to the kerb but not into the car and it was taken. You’re not wrong about how all but one of these includes one hell of a let down. 

With the thoroughness of a person who’s paranoid about losing things *grimace grin*

My housemate works for the real estate agency that manages the house, he likely would have heard of anything was left. 

Nay on the holiday decorations or guest bedroom. Although if it wasn’t lost or stolen then it must be placed somewhere very silly. It would be cool to find it again one day. (But proceeding for now with the belief it’s gone). 
 

Def not left behind I did the last trip, that house was empty of personal effects. 

But he did come clean with further pressing. And the pressing was way less (although the thing was also way smaller. And after that i stressed just tell me before you throw my things out so one would hope he took that on board).

I don’t think so, I was the one that did the very last trip for moving things and last bit of exit cleaning. 

Yes, do tell her, not for you but for her, the chump whose health is being endangered and who’s partner is currently convincing her she’s crazy for suspecting him. 
 

perhaps, better to find a way to do it anonymously but she should know. Yes her world will be turned upside down, yeah she might even blame you, but that’s better than being deceived and endangered. Need a place to find courage to tell her, read the letters on chump lady’s website. 

Another thing that might help, I’ve only just discovered it exists but the two friends who were talking about it were effusive, somatic therapy. Which to the best of my understand is a therapy that allows you to process the trauma stored in your body in a safe space. Something talk therapy can’t really get at. 

I’ve looked around the local pawn shops, I’d buy the theory of it being by the car ready to be loaded and forgot. Didn’t find it in any shops but thieves can be real slow to flip. 
 

I agree with you all how does someone forget handling that?!!! But it’s my partner that would have done so and his minds a blank (and I’ve pushed him a couple of times on the ‘are you suuuure It didn’t break and you’re scared to admit it?!’ He did that once before with something small. But no, he’s adamant. Of course, someone in this world knows what happened). 
 

my house mate remembers seeing it in the garage with lots of other things that still needed to be moved and that’s the last known location 

gosh I wish theyd put it in the truck. Left it off because they thought it would be too fragile. 

I’ve asked, repeatedly, I’ve wailed, I’ve gnashed my teeth. 
 

I too wonder how absolutely no one could know what happened to this thing. But it’s also a big leap to think partner or his friends did something shady. About as impossible as it falling through a rip in the space time continuum (except that’s more impossible). 
 

The sheer impossibility of it is why finding other people who’ve experienced similar would take the edge off, I find bad things sting less when I realise I’m not alone in experiencing them.

I’ve been asking local friends, one persons wife lost his passport moving, one friend lost her wedding and engagement rings, another lost $15k of jewellery and all his ID (I haven’t checked but assume movers and foul play for that one). The hands down silliest one, one friends parents lost a queen sized mattress. 
 

As to why I didn’t move it myself, lifting limitation of 10kg and I wasn’t sure if the pc would be too heavy. I remember loading up everything else from my studio set up that day and trying to get my partner to do the pc but he was pretty preoccupied and I was pretty fatigued and gave up. If I could turn back time no way would I have let that be the outcome but I trusted my partner when he said don’t lift the heavy things and I’ll take care of the rest. (And absolutely everything else did make it here, heavy things light things, expensive things, things he would think of as junk. The treasure and the trash. All in the new house. Just my my pc missing. It was an amazing feat of shouldering the burden of moving. I’m trying really hard not to let this massive *** up tarnish it because even if he lost the pc he spent 10 days of holiday between old job and new job just house moving, huge job, no rest. )

I can’t find my desktop pc since moving 6 weeks ago. I was pretty hands off for this move so most of it was done by my partner and his friends. Took me until yesterday to declutter the garage at the new place enough to confirm that nope, no pc here. That thing had every band recording I’ve ever made in the last 15 years on it. (Hodgepodge of back ups over the years but nothing backed up recently because I am an idiot! ) That’s like the entire body of recording work I’ve ever done, gone. Kind of gutted.

I know it wasn’t left in the old house because I did the very last load. But what happened in the intervening days between the last time I saw it, sitting on the bedroom floor waiting to be moved, and the day I picked up the last little bits of misc, I’ll never know. 
 

Help me feel better with your tales of things lost while moving?

I think maybe in your case both personal therapy and sex therapy could be the way to go. There’s a bit to unpack there. (I don’t know much about sex therapy so hecking research first. But personal therapy to process bad things in your past and how you want to move forward surely be good). 

I don’t know about the staying out. Meanwhile if he is mum is staying committed to someone without all the relevant information and on top of that might be at risk of contracting an std. 

Being the one to wonder but not know is a horrible position to be in. Definitely if you knew though, tell, tell. When has any chump Ever been glad to find out that they’ve been cheated on And someone close to them knew and said nothing?

In this particular instance crossing my fingers and toes you saw the Apple health app (quick google will show you what the image looks like). 

There might be something helpful in here? You def need to have a conversation with first make sure he is at least on the surface invested in changing this trend.

https://captainawkward.com/2011/07/12/reader-question-74-guest-post-keeping-it-sexy-in-a-long-term-relationship/

Priority is the key word. Do you feel like a priority?

With friends like those who needs enemies?

I too like the idea of backing off and giving it some space. Maybe commencing a long running project to expand your social circle beyond these brats you went to school with. 

Ahhhhh the town of people who are friendlier than Adelaideians with a terrific live music scene!
 

Trying to find one neat and tidy list of numbers for you to call and not quite winning but that 1800 number could be a good start. Don’t think just cos your guy doesn’t hit you you don’t qualify for support, you do, you doooooo.

And calling this number doesn’t mean leaving straight away, consider it information gathering. 

Where abouts in vic specific?

Gas lighting to the absolute extreme. No one would enjoy being insulted on the regular. You were correct and wise to be able to articulate that you want to resolve conflicts with him in a kinder manner. He hasn’t made any effort to improve his ability to do this because he doesn’t want to. He likes kicking you. And getting angry at you for being upset that he’s kicking you is absolutely outrageous

Which side of aus are you on?

Even if you’re split by distance tell your family you’re in an abusive relationship. Ok not every family will help and maybe yours will turn out to be one of those unhelpful ones but please at least tell them. Explore that avenue. Even if your abuser’s behaviour wasn’t completely on the nose, he repeatedly does something to you you’ve said you don’t like and asked him to stop. This man continues to treat you a certain way Knowing it upsets you. Bad man. 
 

Small story time. My partner one way or another settled into an adult life where his ability to regulate his emotions is impressively high. He has a visceral reaction to raised voices. I don’t mean yelling, I mean just the increase in volume and pitch that commonly accompanies emotional disregulation. I’m an emotionally reactive person. I get upset, I raise my voice. Except I know my love hates that, he shuts down, he feels disrespected. I feel like he’s incredibly sensitive on this front and it’s not fair, and I still catch myself starting to yell, take a breath, try and say the thing again but calmer and quieter. Because it’s not about my opinion of what does or doesn’t count as yelling, it’s about knowing for a fact my partner is perceiving it as such. As yours should know For A Fact! That him insulting and degrading you hurts you. You told him yourself with your words. How dare he tell you your feelings are wrong?!!!!!

Would he want to pleasure you in other ways while he’s sorting his health out?

That’s a decent whack of contact time.
 

Try telling him you’re struggling with the amount that he wants and would he still want to be with you if you maintained *insert level of contact you’re comfortable with here*

Even when you’re face to face, even when you move in together, you’re still going to want to have some things that you do independently of each other (or maybe he won’t but you do if you do and it’s ok to express that). I will say that moving in really does provide a lot more incidental and intentional contact time that yields a feeling of security (well it can with two partners who are present) though. If you’re both serious about pursueing something focus on closing the gap and nut out what enjoyable long distance looks like for you both. (If there’s no overlap here it might not be doable). 

Do you two also do phone calls? I found a once a day phone call with my prospective partner really increased my sense of feeling connected (sometimes I didn’t really feel like doing those phone calls but I always did make that bit of time for him because it seemed important). 
 

Maybe, if you’re interested in trying it, you could suggest that, although you don’t want to go online for hours, you would like to call and talk at the end of the day (or a time that lines up nicely for you both).