Ridiculment/Harassment

Ok for the last 6 years I have served as a police explorer in 2 cities near where I live for 4 years in a city nearby my home and the last 2 years I moved to a different group near my home..these explorer groups are volunteer and are sponsored by the Boy Scouts and the local Police Dept's.. Anyways

Over the last 2 years the leader of this group has picked on me and held me to a double standard after I was made the leader of the group being I had the most years of seniority on anyone else there at the time..For no reason this person(who by the way is 35 years old! mind you) has done nothing but put me and others down by basically treating us like ****! and he smarts off to us and rolls his eyes at us when he asks us what our career plans are in the near future within the field of law enforcement..he basically thinks we will fail at anything we do..He talks to me like I'm his "whipping boy" so to speak.

Several times he has poked fun at me infront of other officers especially on personal issues like calling myself and other explorers gay or whenever I'm seen talking to a girl while working at an event or whatever he puts me down saying stuff like "oh she's just talking to you to be nice to or she's talking to you because she has to or something like that when I don't think that was the case but sometimes its caused me to second guess conversations I've had with girls at school or work now because I have those kinds of messages burned in my brain from this pr*ck!!! I have snapped back at him on these things and I've done it infront of other officers at the dept just to get him back for giving me the same kind of embarrassment(I hold the motto of What Goes Around Comes Around in high regard!!)

So what do you guys think..I think its harassment..he says he doesn't do it to hurt our feelings but to toughen us up so to speak..well recently I had an incident where I was cut off by a cop car and asked him would he talk to the officer about it..he proceeds to play a joke on me telling me that they are gonna suspend the officer and everything..I thought this was for real..I wrote a letter to the chief of police stating that he not be suspended and what all happened..then he tells me it was a joke done to teach me to "Keep my F'n Mouth Shut"...

I am fed up with this..he has constantly berated me and other explorers with the exception of his niece who he treated with royalty who I wanted to ask out on date and I thought she liked me but turned she was dating somebody and I was told by her uncle(our advisor by the way)..that "oh she just talks to you cause she has to" and "oh you couldn't handle her"(referring to if I had the chance to date her)..I have been picked on all my life until my last year of HS and now on into college because there I am an adult..I have no problems with anyone there they are all very decent people to know in my opinon...

So what should I do..I'm thinking of just going right down there and telling him off and then telling filing a complaint with the dept to have him removed from the exploer program...

I mean is he justified by any chance to talk to me this way to "toughen us up"??

Phillip

Ok Phil this is what I would do first off talk to him about it tell him that you dont like the way he talks to you and you dont like the way he puts you down,If you know you not what he says and your not how he puts you into words do not listen to him,I would say talk to someone higher and tell then you are in this program to learn and not to be put down by someone who says he is trying to toughin you up you dont need that,If he continues to do this after you tell him your getting fed up with it then write a letter to whomever you need to write to make this stop,I wouldnt put up with it but I also would not let him get the best of me if I was in your situation good luck and keep me posted

Ok anyone else!?..Over 30 something people can view this and not give any help..fine..I know I've heard from one person who would reply to this and is busy at the moment and thats fine..but come on people

Honestly, I don't think that it's his way to 'toughen you up.' Bringing down someone's self-esteem doesn't do much to toughen a person up. My mom was somewhat similar in trying to crush my optimism while growing up. In her case, it was her way to teach me. She tried to toughen me up. Now, it's died down a lot, and she talks to me more like an adult now.

However, in your case, it's different. He's in NO position to belittle you. For him to talk all nasty like that, it's completely UNACCEPTABLE. Phil, this is what I learned, if somone's trying to bring down your hopes, optimism, or self-esteem, it's often the case that you have something that they don't. I sincerily feel that they feel the way that they feel, because they're just cold, bitter, unenthusiastic jerks, who have nothing else better to do, but to sit around and redicule!

Based on what I see, you are a mature person for your age. If anything the group leader is far more immature than you. I don't think that you're immature. I don't understand why people like to harass others. It's really pathetic. Some people are just wannabe critics. It's as if anything you do, they criticize. I think that to them, they might feel inferior in some ways, that's why they make you the target for belittlement. Those who do so, in my eyes, are 'weak.' A strong person doesn't seek the need to belittle others. Instead, they're happy and settled with who they are, so they don't need to prove things to others. They don't need to look down on others, and make snide remarks. I think that those who do, do it because they need to PROVE something. They're pathetic!

What I think is best for you to do for now, is to suck it up, until you're time is done, and once you're done, go file up a complaint report. It helps to get a petition of some sort, signatures of those who witness the belittlement, and I am sure that your father can help you with that. Otherwise, let it be. Sooner or later, fate will come around, and make them pay up for the way that they've disrespected you. Let God or fate handle it, and things will fall into its place like it should

For now: Be you. Don't let him change you. Don't let him kill off your enthusiasm. What you need to do, is to strive to be a better person. If you live in a life full of compassion, honesty, and conviction, I think that in the end, there's nothing like personal rewards. Those who think that it's rewarding to pick on others, and be jerks for the rest of their lives, probably won't live in grattitude. Instead, they'll probably be BITTER for the rest of their lives. Don't let their negativity suck you up into their kind of mindset. Don't let it bring you down. You're better than that! Hang in there Phil! I know that you'll pull through.

Mahlina

P.S.- Believe it or not, those who are your adversaries, tend to be one of your best teachers. Perhaps it's not their intent to 'toughen' us up, but in the end, their mistreatment is a 'test of character.' If a person can pull through, and try to gain confidence, respect others and themselves, then they become twice as stronger than someone who gives up, and give into what bullies tell them.

P.S.S.- Everything happens for a reason. Just remember that. Phil, try your best in everything that you do. Eventually, things will work out for you. Perhaps, in the future, they'll be the one's who are sorry for DISRESPECTING you! Meanwhile, be yourself, love yourself, and love others. Don't let their narrow-mindedness get you down! Take Care.

This is obviously a case of harassment and he needs to be put back in his place. I had a person do that to me at work and I immediately wrote a letter to the owner of the company who spoke to her right away.

Unfortunately, I don't think he will react positively or even take you seriously if you speak directly to himl

There are two things you can do : act on you own, act as a group with other colleagues.

The second choice may protect your position better. You could speak with a few colleagues who have guts and write a collective letter. This will be VERY effective, they even may let him go. Write a list of all the incidents you guys can remember, and write the names of the people who witnessed the incidents. Include dates, time. And write to a superior who is of good will.

If you don't find anybody to back you up, then you should write a letter explaining all the incidents on a appendice if you wish and ask for a transfer. See how they respond. Ask the letter to be confidential. If everybody hates him, then you should point out that his character is detrimental to productivity or spirit of the group, yada, yada, yada

Good luck!