My girlfriend doesn't understand my feelings,or lack thereof

Throughout my life, basically up until this point in time, I've never really expressed my feelings to anyone. This all changed about a year ago when I met my girlfriend. I've since told her all I could about my childhood and the feelings I can remember having. The problem is, that since from when I was born to now (20 years, give or take a few months) I haven't told ANYONE how I was feeling. I have always kept to myself about emotions and all of that stuff. Now I find that my girlfriend is pressing me more and more to tell her how I feel about things. Especially lately, since we've been getting into so many fights. I try to explain to her that it's because I don't know how to express my feelings. Well, it's not that I can't express them, I just don't even know what they are. If I feel sad I have 20 years of sadness behind that one emotion, and it clouds it and makes it more intense. The problem is I always forget why I was upset in the first place. This happens with every emotion whether it be happiness, sadness, etc So this makes it nearly impossible to tell what I'm feeling and what caused me to feel that way. So most of the time I have no emotional reaction to certain things. I guess I just want her to understand what happens, but I don't think she can. Then again what I've said to you might not even make sense. I really don't know. All I want is for her to understand that I really don't know how I'm feeling. I'm sick of being yelled at and called a liar. Then she starts to cry and I don't know what to do. I'm just really confused.

This is interesting on two levels.

My boyfriend is exactly as you described and it annoys the heck out of me.

The catch 22 is that I'm very much the same and that annoys the heck out of me too.

The initial reaction would be that we get each other. However, the unfortunate side of it is that we can never get anywhere with our feelings. In fact, the whole experience has been a struggle.

My suggestion is just to start to work on this aspect of yourself. Maybe talk to a therapist or something. You don't need to be completely in touch with all of your feelings right away, but just start somewhere. As much as you may care about your gf, you also shouldn't do it for her. You need to do this for you so that you can maintain healthy relationships as you move forward.

I wish you all of the best!

I've been going to a therapist for the last two years, and it's gotten me nowhere. I'd really love to solve this, but I just don't see how it's possible. I don't want to lose her over this. I'm afraid she'll get so upset that I'm "lying" and dump me.

You must find out why you have trouble disclosing your feelings. Do you feel ashamed of yourself for some reason? Are you afraid that your feelings are different from everyone else's, and thereforeeee unacceptable? You said that not even you understand what your feeling, and this may be because you have tried too hard to supress yourself.

What you need to do is find a comfortable way to express yourself. You said that you have been very open with your girlfriend, but lately she has been frustrated with your inability to tell her how you are feeling. If she is making you feel pressured, and yelling at you, and calling you a liar, then she is not making you feel comfortable. She needs to understand that this is a serious problem you have had for a long time, and she should accept it if she really cares about you.

If your therapist isn't working, find another one. Or go to a longtime friend, or a family member you are close to. Or start writing down what you are feeling, or use art to express yourself. The key is learning to understand and disclose the feelings you have rather than keeping them inside and letting them get tangled up. Disclosure is an important part of one's psychological health. As for your girlfriend, tell her to back off.

I don't want to lose her over this. I'm afraid she'll get so upset that I'm "lying" and dump me.

I'm not trying to be smug, but right there, you are sharing your feelings. You can tell her that and if she attacks you then, as the previous poster said, she is not making you comfortable so you can get to that level with her. Point that out to her too.

That would make 2 feelings you've shared.

If you are taking baby steps and that's the best you can do she should embrace that.

Why would she call you a liar anyway? Is there something else going on between you two? That just seems out of line.