Charging your spouse with a crime

Hello everyone,

I come to you now with a problem of my own. My wife has been forging checks on my bank account. This has happened before. I have confronted her and told her to stop. She promises to, and then later will just continue. This latest time she withdrew so much that my account is overdrawn and my tuition check for my son bounced.

This isn't the only problem in the marriage of course. And I really have had it and am going to proceed with a divorce. I don't trust her at all. We have separate bank accounts for this very reason since she regularly emptied a joint account that we once held.

My question is, has anyone here ever pursued criminal charges against their spouse? Did you have children? And how did it all play out? Any help you can offer would be appreciated because right now I'm just not sure what to do.

Thank you

It was a very good idea to have separate accounts, I have never being married but I will give any advice I can. I would tell her what you plan to do and file for a divorce and use the forging as an reason then you should get custody of your children, whiclst this is happening I would also press charges.

pressing criminal charges against spouse is not bad per se, but in this situation there are two things to consider: a) it is massively detrimental to children, all that mess of court, child protection services might be alerted, post-divorce custody battle will be extremely unpleasant. b) all she did was steel money from you. It is bad but is absolutely NOT enough to press criminal charges. Take her to private civil court (meaning hire a private judge to set up her repayment plan), or civil court. Criminal charges, esp. with children present, should be pressed in extreme circumstances, i.e. spouse or child abuse.

Thanks both of you. Although I must disagree a bit that the stealing money is not enough to press charges. It IS a crime. Especially since it affects my ability to provide for the children. But I do see the points about it making the divorce battle extremely unpleasant.

I have a lot to think about on this. Its an ugly situation.

The benefits of pressing charges (self-satisfaction? vengeance?) will be outweighted by the damage done to kids. Your monetary loss can be compensated through a quiet civil court lawsuit. Stealing money is a crime but is it crime enough to start the criminal-court-mess that will surely happen in the ugliest form possible? How will you explain criminal charges to kids? I am sure you know the possible ramifications in this case, and none of them are pretty.

I know we already discussed this privately, but I figure it's worth reiterating

I'd save it as an olive branch/trump card in the event she tries to make totally unreasonable demands - ie, you're willing to get past this and not pursue it at all if she will also act in a mature and civil manner to come to the easiest resolution possible, and easiest one for the children. Show good faith on your part that you have no desire to air any grievances per se - and will only do so if you have no alternative, if she tries to turn it into an all out war. Not so much to use it as a threat - but as a demonstration on your part that you DON'T want to make it into a battle and would far prefer mediating a fair and equitable arrangement for both of you. If you have records of it happening before - just keep a record of then and this time as well. Sometimes the best position of strength is having something you could use and choosing not to in the best interests of the parties involved. Make your position on wanting a mature agreement your first priority perfectly clear - it's much more difficult for the other person to start the battle cry against "unfairness" or being "out to get them" when you're offering concessions from the start.

Hello, since you're on this subject I thought i'd jump in and get everyones advice. I'm kinda on the flip side of this situation. I'm the wife who doesn't spend money responsibly and my husband has had to open another account for this reason. I understand that i've messed up and I continue to spend money and overdraw my own account. I guess my reason for continuing my behavior is because I know my husband is going to get mad at me and then it will blow over. But the reason it ever started is because my husband always told me "No", I couldn't by anything without his permission, and he always said "No". I guess my questions for the husband who wants to press charges is have you tried to set up a budget for your wife? Does she have a set amount of money that she can spend each month on whatever? I wish my husband would just set a budget for me, but he won't listen to me. I'm not trying to justify your wifes behavior, but I know in my situation that if my husband would just hand me a set amount of money and said I could do as I wished with it, that we may not have these problems. I just feel like he's always telling me "No", and why would I want to please him for doing that to me? I really think that the day he hands me a few dollars and says go buy something for yourself that I might change my behavior. I guess i'm telling you this so hopefully you can see how your wife feels inside.

We also have other issues and my husband is on the brink of divorcing me. He has had me pay bills out of his account and forge checks for him. I pay bills take our girls to the doctor and sign his name on the checks with his permission. He also hands me his credit car and has me use it at the store for things needed and then gets mad if I overspend. But the latest thing is that he left me and our 3 young girls at home while he was on a business trip and left us with $20. So without his permission I transferred $40 into our joint account. Now that he's mad he has threatened to have me arrested for using his cards and signing his name on checks. And for going into his account without permission. I guess I screwed up big time. I will never do that again. But do I diserve to go through a criminal trial? I don't think so. I'm an emotional mess today. This all happened last night. We have 3 young girls that i've spent 24/7 with and over $40 he's going to turn me in for forgery. I feel like there's nothing I can do to change the past, but he also doesn't trust that I can be different. If I thought he would get so mad I wouldn't have done it. Do you think I should lose my marriage and my kids over this? I think we all have areas in our life that we struggle with. I know that spending money is a struggle for me. Don't you have areas in your life that you're not perfect at?