Relationship with a popstar...

I was searching on the internet for a website with advice etc

and I found this, but I still prefer to remain anonymous for

many reasons.

My situation is: There is this girl of my school who is practically

a young popstar (I prefer not to tell the name...), and, I suppose

this is not a rare case, she is an outgoing person, social with

everyone, greets and smiles with everyone,... the problems is,

she greets EVEN me, and thereby becomes practically the only

GIRL in my school who greets me... I know very well that

this leads to misunderstandings, etc., but someway she is

an important person for my life, and this "greeting and smiling"

goes on since more than a year, with nothing happening.

Recently the "greeting and smiling" seemed to be growing

a little bit more, but I am unsure about this.

The fact that confuses me so much, and makes me think

that I have hopes at all with her, is that she even waves

her hand to me when I least expect it, when I'm 40 meters

away from her...

I often show her my interest towards her, but still, after

more than one year, nothing has happened (and we only

do the "greet and smile" game everyday...).

You should have understood that I am the typical LOOSER/NERD

person, and I'm also quite famous for that in my school,

(never had a girlfriend, never go to disco, searching only for

the love of my life and not wanting to waste time on simple

two-month relationship, etc., etc.)

Anyway, could you please explain me this behaviour of this

girl? Not that I am impatient, but her way of doing confuses

me so much... maybe because she does it with everyone...

but then she'd be a really unique person amoung all

the people I've met in my life...

Nwadour,

I'm going to give you two possibilities, although I know there may be more.

First one, is that this is one of those situations where, you know someone, but don't quite know their name, you just recognize their face. So you say hi, and move on. If she's...a young popstar as you say, it's only natural you should know her name - but she might not really know who you are, but only knows she sees you around and finds your face familiar and thereforeeeeeee is friendly towards you. I know this personally from the other point of view. I used to walk around in school, and recognize many different faces, and say hi to those people, trying to avoid attempting to guess their names, because I didn't have any clue to what they were. I have somewhat of a poor memory in that sense too.

The second, is that she's just trying to be nice towards everyone. She knows who you are, and feels something of a will to be nice to you. You said that not many girls in your school speak to you, and that you classify yourself as a looser/nerd. If you classify yourself like that, by the way, there's no way anyone else will think better things of you - you've got to make changes in your life, but that's another subject. I'm willing to discuss this and offer advice in this field as well if you want. Simply contact me.

Anyway, I think you're a logical guy, you choose which of these possibilities is more likely. I'm sorry to be blunt Nwadour, but I don't think you should analyze her actions too deeply. I believe all she wants from you is friendship, and I believe that you might be in for hurt and pain. As someone in her profession, she is bound to get mass attention and thereforeeeeee her attention to you will shrink, and you would be caught dragging after her. As well as the fact that she might not even be interested in anything more than saying hi in the school corridors. Perhaps she wants nothing more.

I hope you see that for yourself you should not build much of a high hope on her. I can't tell you it won't be difficult to cope with it, but in the long run, I promise you - it will be better for you.

Good luck friend,

^-touch-of-heaven-^

Hi there,

thanks for answering.

(I replied the Private Messages to sisterlynch and touch of heaven

but it seems they didn't get it so I'll post here again.)

I will try to synthetize my answer...

Yes, she's a girl with lots of confidence, I agree =).

But no, I don't want to be with her because I want to

get more looks from other girls, but because I really

like her, and I'd do quite anything to have my love answered.

On my main post I was a little unclear, anyway, I'll start

with my view of love: I don't SEARCH for girlfriends just

because others have, but I only fall in love with precise

girls and the girl I'm talking about now is a person with whom

I fell in love.

Secondly, I don't consider myself a loser/nerd but most of the

others in my school do (I go to a high class school, and I am not

that much high class, and NOW I'm not even keen to behave so).

They do so because they cannot accept my points of view regarding life

but that doesn't affect me (anymore!).

I'll tell more or less the whole story with this "popstar".

About one year ago, when school started, I was the first person

this girl had some "chemistry" or "first sight flirt" with.

Infact the first few days (she was new at school), we were

like almost-lovers and I was the male with whom she talked more.

But as the days went on (after about two weeks), I suffered

of inferiority complexes (what I don't have anymore) because

of my "friends", the cool ones of the school, practically kept

laughing at me whenever they saw me together with her.

She even defended us, but at those days that wasn't enough

to keep my moral high... well, I am one class under her

(I failed one class, so she is in the class I was before failing)

and most of the memories of my ex-classmates about me are...

well, not so good!

And all similar thoughts like this one made me have an inferiority

complex, so that after two weeks I practically gave up talking to

her. Only later I recognized that that was the stupidest mistake

of me and I can imagine what she must have thought at that time.

I didn't have that much selfesteem that time (now also not so much

but better than earlier...).

There only started the period of the "smile and greeting", in which

we practically never engaged into a real conversation... and only

much time later I recognized my mistake...

SO, in the meantime I lost lots of contacts with her and I was not

updated on her... I think (this period was one year long) she also

had some boyfriends in this period, but, most of all, she gained

lots of friends, among which are also that majority of people in

my school who are the "cool" guys.

Well, it's only after lots of thinking that I decided to restore

my friendship with her, and I had to figure out different ways.

Infact I (as a webdesign expert in my school) offered myself

to work on the website of the band she sings in and lately

(past 2/3 weeks) I see that we talk more than earlier, but not

enough, since I still have the great fear that she may remember

my silly behaviour of "giving up" one year ago.

Do you know how to recover a missed opportunity? I know it

is difficult, but I'd give everything to regain her attention and

friendship (and maybe love!). I actually - as I said before -

don't care about my reputation with the other girls in this school.

I also know that in the meantime she is also very disappointed

by the "stereotipity" of the cool guys in my school.

(all following one fashion, same life morals, all going only to

discotheque, etc. - a thing I myself am not!)

She herself is considered today the coolest girl in the school,

and she's in the middle of the attention of all, and only rarely

I have the occasion of talking to her privately (for example

when she is with the school-band, I often go and see them...)

What is your advice for me? I know I have to deal very carefully

since I don't want to do any mistake again and I really follow

the aim of... being together with her. My question is not "CAN I.."

but "HOW can I reaquire her love?". I know there is always a way.

I hope I was clear this time in my message.

Thanks

Nwadour,

All I'm trying to tell you is to accept the possibility, that what she had felt for you, is possibly gone. I'm not sure if it was anything too strong in the first place, as you said you only hung out together for a very short time and were never truly romantically tied, and that was a long time ago. That, and other people talking, can cause a lot of change over time. However, I do believe anything is possible. Yes, there is a way you could mend your past mistakes. Yes, you two can be together. And yes, you can be happy for a long time together. But you must realize that I'm telling you all this because of what I just said - that anything is possible. You do have to consider, and I think you're smart and can realize this with no problem, that the chance of this happening is, at least for now, quite low. As you said she walks around the school hanging out with the people you refer to as the 'cool' people in your school, while you get from her only smiles and waves, but not really any deeper conversation. I don't know what you can do to get her, but what ever it is all I know is that the way to get her to be your friend and maybe more, is a difficult one.

Now since I don't particularly like being ominous, I will also advise you of what you -might- do. This is what I would do if I were in your situation. People are different from each other, but you might find wisdom in it as well. My advice would be to draft a letter, explaining to her first the type of connectivity you felt with her when she first arrived at your school, second explaining why you stopped contact with her, third apologizing for breaking that contact with her, and fourth telling her what you've come to realize about what you feel about her. I would advise you not, I repeat - not - to tell her you think you love her, but to start it off slow. Telling her what you think of her as a person and why you want to spend time with her. This comes from your own feelings and emotions so whatever else you want to tell her must be your own decision, but tread carefully, so you won't scare her off. Not talking to a girl and all of a sudden coming out saying "I love you" is not what it seems like in the movies, it can seem very frightening at times.

Think, also, about how you want to go about telling her after you wrote the letter. Giving her a letter gives her time alone to read, reflect, really think about what she feels about it, and come up with her own reply. Using the letter as something to organize your thoughts before you talk to her, without actually giving it to her, may have it's own affect. Sometimes a conversation is better than a letter. It can also be more difficult, you could lose your line of thought, and leave out things you want to make sure she knows. It can however also work for your advantage. During a conversation you can see how she feels about what you're telling her, and you may choose accordingly if you don't want to say something you would have written in the letter.

I want you to be prepared for the possibility that it won't help, too. Get your hopes up, but not so much that they'll all come crashing down if she says that she doesn't want to be your friend any longer. And if she does, know how to read the situation so that if you can try again, do that - and if you can't, maintain your self control, since this will only drive her farther away.

I can tell you this much. She smiles, waves at you, remembers your name. This is a good sign, and while a lot of times people are just trying to be friendly, you two spent a while completely engrossed with each other. I believe you have a chance to win back the friend you lost. I don't really know about anything deeper than that, but I think you can get her to be your friend again. I hope you understand, and I hope you will be successful. I hope you will be happy. I apologize if my words were somewhat harsh at times, but I just want to express how I see things. I hope it was helpful. Now go write that letter Nwadour.

Good luck, friend.

Thanks so much ^touch of heaven^.

The letter, that's exactly what I wanted

to do... yeah, even in a modern society

like this, it may help.

Thanks everybody, now I'll try my best!!!

8)