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Thread: Possible problem with trust.

  1. #1
    Member
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    Jan 2003
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    1

    Possible problem with trust.

    I just found out my wife has been lying to me about several things when she goes out alone with her friends. She always claims she doesn't remember what goes on at the bars when she goes out. Then I found out a lot of what is happening there that she has been flat out lying to me about. She told me that when she dances with other guys there isn't any touching going on, and I'm mostly fine with that. I just found out that there is a lot of touching going on when she's dancing with these guys, but she is still claiming that she doesn't ever remember what happens and that all she can remember is what song was playing and not who or how she is dancing. When we went out together with our friends a couple of weeks ago I tried to put my arm around her and she pushed me away but when the other guys did the same thing she's fine with it. She danced with me for one song, and then told me to go away because she wants to dance with the other guys. Then she's dancing exactly how she told me she doesn't. And it's with a guy I do not trust at all. I've told her that, but she says she trusts that he's not going to do anything except dance with her. I just get so frustrated with all of this, and she loves to make me more pissed off by telling me she's going to go out and sleep with all these guys, and how much she likes it when they grind into her when they're dancing. She is always tring to get me pissed of now before she goes out. And now she's making plans to go out when she knows I can't go. She tells me she trusts me and wouldn't care if I was dancing with other women like that. I have trust issues from a previous relationship, where my girlfriend cheated on me with one of her guy friends. Also, these guys my wife's out dancing with find her very attractive, and I'm affriad with all the drinking that's going on something might happen. It only takes two drinks for my wife to lose it. I just don't know how to make myself trust these situations. This whole thing is making me sick and I have no idea how to get over it. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, so this doesn't destroy my marriage.

  2. #2
    Member
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    Jan 2003
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    1,182

    My point of view...

    Blufdaddy,

    It looks like that your wife is more open-minded over the marriage your share with her and you are more traditional. That raises a BIG difference in what you both need and want in a marriage.

    I am not sure if you will be able to solve this matter, because it looks like that your wife has her issue in her personality and personality is not something that is being changed easily.

    I think it would be a good idea for you to sit down and to start writing. Write down what you exactly expect out of a relation and marriage and then discuss your issues with your wife. Ask her opinion on your issues and explain her that you are seriously concerned over this and that you feel very uncomfortable over the situation. If she is not willing to commit more to her marriage and to you, than I would reconsider if you really want to stay married to this woman. I am afraid that you will always have trust issues and I am not sure if that is part of a happy marriage for you.

    What wonders me is the fact wether she hasn't been like this before you got into a marriage. I find it hard to believe that she hasn't been doing this earlier, before you got married. Anyway, I hope I was of help for you and wish you good luck on your actions.

    ~ SwingFox ~

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
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    7

    I really don't know what to say

    I myself am a woman that has only been married for less than two years and I would never imagine doing that to my husband... we have other issues, that's why I am here.

    What i wonder about and I will be honest, is that if she even still wants to be with you. Sorry, I wish that I had more of an uplifting reply.

    Have you asked her what she expects from you, your relationship, and especially your marriage? It seems has if there is "something"more out there that she desires. Whether it be crazier sex, more romance, etc. etc.

    There is no reason that she couldn't go out with her girlfriends and have a good time. I personally think that it is a healty way to be married.

    The way she is acting doesn't sit at all well in my stomach... I honestly believe ther's more that she wants. I don't know what though. I think that she is trying to push you away. I don't mean to be cold hearted... but I am a woman, I know how we can be.

    The only thing I think that you can do is ask, and ask, and ask some more of what she wants out of your marriage. I she is adamant that nothing is wrong and thta she is fine the way things are she is lying. Is there a common ground to the guys that she flirts with? Maybe hair, style, contanance? Have you gained weight? This might sound superficial... but there's a lacking somewhere. All you need to do is find it! Good luck.


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