Help with a Ex-Girlfriend

Hi

I started dating a girl who lives a couple of doors down from me at the end of last year, we had been friends 4 about 6 months before, but as time went on things developed and we started flirting with one another etc then we got together. The relationship started ok,despite her occasional mood swings when she didn't talk to me,

then in January she lost her job, I think that this was the final straw for her, over the past ten years she has had a rotten time of things, lost another job through industrial bullying, fell pregnant while having a affair and then having an abortion.

Understandably her mood changed and she became very distant from me, I tried to empathise with her and help her as much as I could. Prior to losing her job we had a vaction booked, we decided to go on this, things did not go well, she didn't talk too me for a whole day because she lost her hair tie the night before etc., we are both 30, so this was a bit of a shock. Things improved a bit towards the end, and it seemed ok when we returned, however at the end of Feb things went downhill fast we stopped spending time together, her mood swings did not improve. She got offered a new job in March and I was surprised that she started wanting to spend time with me again, phoning me daily, sending SMS's etc, cautiously I went along with her, thinking that if I backed off a little it might give her some space and time to think. Towards the end of last month she said that she felt guilty about me hanging around, so we agreed to go our separate ways, I suscribe to the 'what will be, will be' routine so I was not to heart-broken, however, this did not stop her trying to ring me, SMS, calling round etc, in the end I told her too stop as I felt that I needed some breathing space, this provoked her into a tirade of abuse wanting to know why I was avoiding her etc.

My gut feeling is to walk away completley, but I still have this vision of trying to keep the friendship going and hope that we get back together.

Sorry to drone on..............., it's just knawing away at me at the moment.

Thanks

Hello. Well I am not God or anything so I cannot tell you what is wrong or right. Only you know what truly makes you happy. From your message I can tell you that it seems like she has a lot of problems. It does not seem like you in anyway shape or form needs to change. You have been there is seems holding out for her this whole time. I can say that love is not suppose to be painful. It is suppose to be happy and a great feeling. You have to look deep inside of you and see if this woman makes yo happy when you are with her. Does she?

Ya know not everyone is healthy in the world and unfortunately there are people that go through these times when they need help. Sounds like she has been through alot. She may love you. She may really want to be with you, but sometimes when a person is needing help in anyway, they treat someone like they dont realize. They say if you love someone you shouln't walk away from them. You should stand by them and convincde them to get the help they need. Now may not be a healthy time to get into a relationship with her, it seems to only wind up in seperating again, but you may want to try to get help for her. It can be low self-esteem, it can be things she went through in her life, abortion, or whatever else may have eated away at her. She may have built a wall and because you come so close to opening her up and making her feel something she may not have felt before, scares her. It can be alot. But you should not leave her side if you love her. I dont think you should jump into getting back in her life right away. If you love her, dontleave her side, offer any help you can. You have to be willing to accept that she may not get the help you are looking or hoping for her to get. In the meantime, though, you cannot let her problems bring you down. Her problems may be alot more serious than you can imagine. Be patient with her and be there for her if you love her. Things will work out. If it is meant to be, it will work, just like all things.

I hope I helped you a little. I was in a situation like 2 years ago when I wish that I could have done what I am proposing to you. I think if I did, stood by his side, we wouldnt be both living our sepeate lives. Its ruff. I hope you never have to experience the pain, if you truly love her, stand by her side. But done expect it to be easy. Counseling will help. If yo both love eachother, you can make that decision together to make it work.

Either way good luck!

~Stacia