Break Up advice

[sos1981]

Hello everyone! I am going through a breakup...we have been on and off for a long time, but this time I started a new job and hes threatened by my bettering myself. It’s just a dealbreaker for me, that he can’t support me through a major change in my life, but instead makes it about his insecurities. I have started no contact, and I actually leave town for work tomorrow and will be gone almost a week. I keep feeling as though this trip is a godsend, as it will create physical space, I’ll be occupied, etc. However, am I setting myself up for a big setback when I get back home? Or will a week have eased the pain a little? I was just wondering how others view this so I’m prepared when I come back home and it’s back to “normal”

[melancholy123]

Well we dont know you, so cant say how you will feel but my guess a week away will be good for you.

[Cherylyn]

Out of sight, out of mind or at least mostly out of mind during your business trip.

Continue NC (no contact) when you return home.

[sos1981]

He changed his profile pic this morning, and it was like a punch in the gut. I think part of me was hoping he wouldn’t actually let me leave town without reconsidering. So despite all the things that were wrong, it’s a hard morning. It’s so tempting to lash out. We were supposed to go on a vacation in 3 weeks, so it’s tempting to reach out about cancelling. But I won’t.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. On/off relationships are generally about chronic unresolved conflict and powers struggles combined with an inability to move on independently because of unhealthy attachments. Only individual therapy can help you break free from this unpleasant cycle. You won't fix or change him. A trip is another bandaid but it will be back to the same nonsense when you return.

we have been on and off for a long time. I keep feeling as though this trip is a godsend, as it will create physical space, I’ll be occupied, etc. .

[sos1981]

You probably nailed it for sure with “power struggle”. I have worked on myself and my tendencies to escalate arguments, be stubborn, etc. This last argument, I tried to stop it and remind him of what we had promised each other...that if it became heated we would stop texting and talk in person. I tried to drive to his house to do that. I reminded him we are fighting FOR the same thing....to know we are loved. Nothing worked. He told me he would leave if I came over. To go home. That it was over. So I finally did. The next day he wanted to know if I wanted to meet in person to “talk about all this”, being clear that he “was only asking once”. I said no. I haven’t heard from him since and haven’t contacted him. Of course, like I said , the Facebook profile change is making it hard. Thanks for keeping me “talking”. Haha.