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Thread: Bad Endings

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Because they know how to let go!
    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    why don't some people want to engage to discuss the endings?

  2. #12
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    One of my issues is that I am very deep thinking - not saying this in a superior way, it is a curse. I always want to know things that can't be understood unless the other person is self aware enough and motivated enough to share. Which they often aren't. Some people really don't care how or why their relationships end they just go from one to the next.

  3. #13
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    Isn't that where the learning is Wiseman?

    I mean in discussing the ending, otherwise is it really 'moving on' with learning or just moving on. I think that there is a difference.

  4. #14
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    I agree some people know how to let go, but some people also know how to stuff down the feelings, not think about it and not even try to understand it.

    I got blocked the minute I even tried to discuss the situation with one guy. Clearly he didn't want to talk about anything. I don't get that, how can you expect to have a healthy relationship without dialogue. I understand that many don't really want to do any work around discussing difficult feelings.

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  6. #15
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    How are you approaching these discussions at the end of a relationship, OP?

    I think a lot of this probably lies in how emotion-fueled these conversations start out. You said you've been insulting and sent hundreds of messages before. That doesn't exactly set the groundwork for an open conversation.

    In other cases, it probably depends on how deep the relationship was, why it ended, and how others sometimes don't handle delicate subject matter very well. Not everyone wants to have deep discussions about a breakup.

  7. #16
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    Yes all very true.

    I had emotion fuelled communications in the past, but looking at the types of men involved I'm sure they would have shut down even if it was a compassionate, calm and mature conversation. The result would have been the same - shut down and blocking. Some people just don't want to know. I've learnt this, because even during the relationships when on good terms they have shut down the second I express or discuss a feeling. It has led me to believe that men can't cope with my emotions so that is why I'm single. I'm always going to be emotional - always have been since birth, of course I can learn to manage my feelings better and have done for the most part.

    I have to believe that not ALL men are put off by a woman getting emotional and are man enough to cope with it and help me support me with my feelings.

  8. #17
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    Can you explain what you do or say when you get emotional?

    Do you cry? Do you raise your voice? Do you plead? If you can be more specific about how you express your emotions, we can probably give you better suggestions about changing your approach.

  9. #18
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    I just get a bit over the top, tearful yes. It is usually a result of months of bottling up and frustration. It can be over small things. Here is an extract from my journal which led to an emotional meltdown on my part:


    Him (after two weeks of not contacting me) Hey how are you?

    me - How was your holiday? (feeling a bit emotional as I thought I'd never hear from him again but playing cool)

    him - 'good time thanks'

    me - x Did you see the northern lights?

    Him - 'Yeah, great thanks'

    me (snapping) 'Are you interested in getting to know me better or are you just bored because I'm getting that impression?'

    him - 'You don't seem that into me'

    me - 'How do you mean?

    him - nothing - phone switched off.

    me - ' you don't seem that into me!' In fact I think we should end it now, I feel like I am wasting my time' (and many more like this)

    The End.

  10. #19
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    Writing it down makes me realise how pathetic he was!

  11. #20
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    Thanks for the advice, I think it is time to move on. Sometimes there are bad endings and I can't change the past. I will try to learn from it.

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