Did he mean it when he said he's not in love with me anymore?

I (24) have been with my boyfriend (27) for just over 5 years and we have always been very much in love. After about a year of being together he lost his mother to cancer and for a while after this we really struggled through but the one thing that remained constant was that we were in love. Since then we have moved in together and things had been fantastic until recently after it became apparent he may have a chronic hereditary disease that can be potentially life threatening. He has always struggled to express his feelings and bottles his emotions up, usually resulting in him becoming distant towards me. Over the past few weeks since we learned about his potential health problems he has been very distant and shown me little affection, including sexually, which I have pointed out to him in a bid to get him talking. Last night we had a fight and he told me he doesn't think we are happy. I gave him some space but when I returned home he told me he loves me but doesn't think he is in love with me anymore. I told him I wasn't sure I could stay with someone that felt that way about me but at the first sign I was going to leave him he completely broke down and begged me to forgive him, eventually saying he is actually in love with me but he is under so much stress and feels he is too selfish to express him feelings in the right ways. We made up and went to bed but now I cannot get it out of my head and I'm worrying that he only changed his mind about what he said because he is scared of being alone and facing a diagnosis with no support.

I love him so much and he says he wants us to make more time for each other and to try to be more passionate but this is not something I have ever struggled with. Can anyone give me some advice? He has never received any counselling for the loss of his mother and he also says that is contributing to his inability to express his feelings but I am just completely lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone

It's a very bad sign. Unless he takes it upon himself to get some counseling, I suspect that he's going to continue distancing himself until he's gone. I think the best thing you could do is move out and step away from the relationship so he can work through what he needs to.

we have always been very much in love.

He has always struggled to express his feelings and bottles his emotions up, usually resulting in him becoming distant towards me. Over the past few weeks since we learned about his potential health problems he has been very distant and shown me little affection, including sexually, which I have pointed out to him in a bid to get him talking.

These 2 are direct opposite of each other/oxymoron.

LOVE is defined by action, not words. You cannot even get WORDS out of him......so action is FAR from horizon. And that is not healthy. Why did you ignore this past 5 years or so? This is a deal breaker for most people (including me). Lack of communication/openness is one of the biggest long term relationship breakers out there.....

Last night we had a fight and he told me he doesn't think we are happy. I gave him some space but when I returned home he told me he loves me but doesn't think he is in love with me anymore.

 

I told him I wasn't sure I could stay with someone that felt that way about me but at the first sign I was going to leave him he completely broke down and begged me to forgive him, eventually saying he is actually in love with me but he is under so much stress and feels he is too selfish to express him feelings in the right ways. We made up and went to bed but now I cannot get it out of my head and I'm worrying that he only changed his mind about what he said because he is scared of being alone and facing a diagnosis with no support.

 

I love him so much and he says he wants us to make more time for each other and to try to be more passionate but this is not something I have ever struggled with. Can anyone give me some advice? He has never received any counselling for the loss of his mother and he also says that is contributing to his inability to express his feelings but I am just completely lost. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks everyone

In bold = VERY VERY smart of you. Many people have to be told this around here so for you to recognize it right away (especially at your age is great).

You know deep inside that it's over. Time to end it.

As for his support, sorry sweatie but you cannot save or help him. He is a big boy and should be capable of handling his own problems. His problems are NOT yours.

Whatever you do, DO NOT FEEL BAD and allow that to cause you to stick around. And no, you can't be "friends" with your ex if you were thinking about providing him with that kind of support. This will sabotage your healing process and prevent you from ever finding a great men (no decent men will date a women that has relations with their ex.....and same other way around).

This relationship is over. It's time for you to take 3-6 months to heal/recover and move on. it's going to hurt, it's going to take time.....but you will be just fine. I would suggest you stay away from opposite sex until you are completely healed. Also, block/ignore him and tell him to not reach out to you again. ANY communication = reset of your healing time so stay away from him all together.

My question in bold/underlined above is something you need to process , learn from and never repeat in the future. It's important. DO NOT ignore red flags or deal breakers while you are dating or early stages of the relationship. Assume people do NOT change, cause most simply never do. And accept/recognize people for who they are TODAY, right in front of you. This will enable you to find a great/smart man that you REALLY want long term.

Good luck

He's lost his mother, may have a life threatening illness, and you're surprised he may be a little distant and not very horny? How would you feel if you were in that situation? Instead of piling on more layers of stress on him, why don't you try to support him and help get him through this.