He's making me feel confused...

As usual, lately I have been overanalyzing things.

I'm just wondering about a few things...

my boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months

I am quite confused about our "I love you's"

He had said it early on in the relationship, like a couple months in, but he had been drinking so I didn't really take it seriously. But then, he did say it once when he was sober and went on to say something about how he was feeling the infatuation kind of love, not the real thing yet, but that it was coming soon.

So i was fine with that, it had only been about four months then anyway. I said it about a month after that because I wanted to be sure. He never said anything back, so that was a bit confusing but I figured he was still deciding.

So I let it go and just wanted to see how things would play out on their own for a couple months, and then last month, he said he loved me. We were just laying in his bed and he said it. I said it back, I was very surprised and overjoyed to hear it.

I said it again probably a day or two later, over text (because we are long distance), and he just put a heart, which whatever is fine, but it's not the same thing. But since it was over text I didn't really read too much into it.

So then I decided I would just leave it and if he wanted to say it he could initiate it because clearly it wasn't something he wanted to say all the time.

Since then, I have said it in person once and he said it back. He came to visit me about three weeks ago and he wrote "I love you Dani" on my mirror in my bathroom when he finished showering so that whenever the mirrors would fog up I would see it. it was really cute. But he hasn't said it since then.

He is a goofball and often sings dramatically to me.. he will often sing about loving a girl and whatever.

I am just confused... I know he has been in two serious relationships before me (one for 3 years and one for one and a half) and he said he loved both of them. My best friend asked him one day how many times he said I love you to someone and how many times he meant it and he said twice, (to those past relationships) and he said he didn't think he ever meant it yet.

I don't really know what I'm looking for with this post.. I'm not going to say anything to him about it and I realize that he's not that vocal with stuff, he shows me he cares through his actions it seems (when we first started dating, it was more balanced with words and actions, but I suspect the honeymoon phase is over for him)

It's just weird wondering if the person who says they love you actually love you?

Or should I not look too much into this if he is doing all the right things and treating me well? Because I really can't complain about anything I was just kind of confused.

haha your just looking for clarity. you want him to be clear with u its either he loves you yet or he doesnt.. you want to feel like that special girl he would actually mean when he says he loves u. u just dont want to be just like his exs.. it seems like he is unclear with things.. he needs to be sure and say what he means.. i think thats what your looking for.

One of my favorite songs is "More Than Words" by Extreme. It's a beautiful portrayal of how little the words themselves actually mean.

Some people arent' vocal, but show their love in many other ways. Don't fret about it too much.

haha your just looking for clarity. you want him to be clear with u its either he loves you yet or he doesnt.. you want to feel like that special girl he would actually mean when he says he loves u. u just dont want to be just like his exs.. it seems like he is unclear with things.. he needs to be sure and say what he means.. i think thats what your looking for.

well yes, I'd like him to be clear with me.

if he hadn't said it yet, I would know he doesn't

but since he says it and then doesn't and then does, etc. it makes me confused.

I would love for him to love me and say it. But it's not the basis of our relationship.

One of my favorite songs is "More Than Words" by Extreme. It's a beautiful portrayal of how little the words themselves actually mean.

 

Some people arent' vocal, but show their love in many other ways. Don't fret about it too much.

I don't think he is vocal. Well, he used to be when he was trying to win me over in the beginning, in the first few months.

But now it's dwindling.

Actions do speak louder than words, so just look at the way he acts to you and how he treats you.

Actions do speak louder than words, so just look at the way he acts to you and how he treats you.

That's what I thought... always needing reassurance.

so in his action does it seem like he does love you or is that a winding circle as well?

so in his action does it seem like he does love you or is that a winding circle as well?

he definitely acts as though he loves me

we're long distance

but when we see eachother he is very very loving

the guy I'm seeing is cute

We hardly ever ever say 'I love you'. We say that after we've argued and the conversation is like...

'I really love you, I just wanted to say that incase you forgot with all the shouting and what not' and he says it back, it's our routine.

But like I say that doesn't happen often but usually we joke it. Like 'I loooovveee yerrrr' and he'll joke back saying the same thing. I don't think it always has to be 'i love you' as long as you're affectionate with each other then everything is hunky dorey I think

Maybe you should say that to him. Wait till he says something cute and go 'Aww, I well love you' so what if he doesn't say it back, don't be afraid of your feelings

the guy I'm seeing is cute

 

We hardly ever ever say 'I love you'. We say that after we've argued and the conversation is like...

 

'I really love you, I just wanted to say that incase you forgot with all the shouting and what not' and he says it back, it's our routine.

 

But like I say that doesn't happen often but usually we joke it. Like 'I loooovveee yerrrr' and he'll joke back saying the same thing. I don't think it always has to be 'i love you' as long as you're affectionate with each other then everything is hunky dorey I think

 

Maybe you should say that to him. Wait till he says something cute and go 'Aww, I well love you' so what if he doesn't say it back, don't be afraid of your feelings

that's a good way to look at it, thanks