Walking on eggshells

So i have been posting a lot this past month beacuse I'm really upset about my relationship. Last week my girlfriend and I pretty much broke up. Long story short she wasn't happy in the relationship and she wanted to have fun and made plans with another guy and a group of people she wont tell me beacuse she was planning on breaking up with me. I flipped and pretty much told her to screw off. having words back and forth she finally faltered and said she didn't know how we got "here" and didn't want to break up. we decided to take some time apart.....fail. we got back together the next day. Talked things out and I wanted to make her happy. Now, I'm not happy

I have lost trust in her and I feel I have lost passion for her. She haven't been sleeping well lately and shes always tired and cranky. She is going through ANOTHER hard time with court cases about her daughter (she's 23) and child support, but there is always an excuse. Im not happy, she did't even sleep in the bed last night she said "it's not me she just cant fall asleep" so she went on the sofa. I feel the worse is coming beacuse my nasty, evil side in which i though i destroyed is starting to return. Hatred and Angry is starting to boil up my mind. My 21st birthday is coming up and i want to invite people and she said she didn't want random people to come. Its my birthday? i also want to go on a weekend rather then weekday, i know its cheaper but i make enough money to sped the extra buck to have a better time. I'M TO SCARED TO TELL HER. We have lost our communications and one day its good one day its not.

I don't know what to do anymore, EVERYONE says just leave her but its not that simple, i love this girl and I have gotten very close to her daughter in which i see myself as a father figure. I'm very insecure about myself and i feel she gives me purpose in-life. She treats me terribly and she has me on a leash. I'm afraid one day I'm going to snap and go crazy on her or on myself. An example of this is I asked her if she wants to go out tonight she asked WHERE? i replied IDK doesn't matter do you wanna hang out regardless, she didn't answer me. Then she text me saying she was in the store right now.......that dosnt answer my question and i said that to her....ON THE FLIP SIDE if i didn't answer her she would be like "OK, don't answer me that's cool."

The worst thing is i know why she is going through this and i feel bad. She has a lot of stress going on with school, work, and financial struggle and Court case with the father but she wont talk to anyone about it. She says she managers her time right, but she is angry all the time and upset with herself. She needs medication or to seek therapy but she dosent have health insurance and she cant afford it. I cant just leave a person i love just like that. I feel when i turn 21 we would have more options to do things like drink with her friends beacuse i feel like im holding her back to doing that, however half her friends really just drink at people apartments anyway.

If anyone reads this whole thing im surprised i needed to vent and i dont have anyone to talk to anymore beacuse noone wants to here this in my life. everyone says to dump her ass or do something terrible so she breaks up with you. Im a good person and im a good loyal boyfriend, i might say stupid things sometimes and talk about things i don't know about beacuse im ashamed im not very logical on "real life" but Im still 20 and im still being supported by my parents. When she is having a problem I always try to be there for her and she gets mad at me saying if i needed you i will tell you. She dosent really ask me to help, she just asks me to come to court or somthing. IDK im so lost.

It sounds to me like you need show where you loyalties lie. Half of what you have written here is you saying how miserable she makes you and the other half is saying why you want to be together. It's got to be one thing or the other, you need to make the choice on whether you split up or you work it out and you need to stick to it.

I think you need to start working on your communication together, to see what’s going on between you two and what’s going on in her life at the moment. It sound to me like she has a lot on her shoulders right now.

I've been in a relationship before where I knew there were many things wrong but I still had hope that it could work out. That hope tends to keep you there even if all your friends tell you to dump him/her.

So I say do your very best in the relationship (not inferring that you aren't already). Try to tell her how you feel, try to be understanding of her situation in court and try to open up communication so you can be someone she turns too. I found in my situation after I did my very best and the relationship still failed it felt ok to break up with him, my hope was gone. And if you putting in a huge effort fixes the relationship, then that's great as well.

Is it true the saying "you cant help who you love?"

Is it true the saying "you cant help who you love?"

Yes, it is true. You can choose not to act on it though.

I have a feeling she will not want to "sit down and talk." whenever we do she puts up her defensive shield and eventually makes me feel like its my fault.

A relationship where you can't express how you really feel is unhealth.

You may not be able to help who you love but in life you MUST love yourself. If someone stops you from doing that, they just aren't worth it.

In my situation, I set myself a mental time limit of 3 weeks. I did my best to make it work and at the end looked for improvements. I didn't find any so I broke up with him. After I broke up with him he made this rushed effort to make get back together with me but it was too little too late.

In my situation it was the hope that it would work that made me stay. But sometimes it's more about the strength to leave. You deserve to be loved and appriciated, don't sell yourself short.