"Dating" the Neighbor - Very Lengthy

I've been seeing my neighbor; we took it slowly, lots of talking for about 3 months, and he asked me (and invited my 14-year old daughter as well) out on Valentine's Day and we've been seeing each other since. Since he is a neighbor, we see each other frequently but not every day (2-3 times per week), inviting each other for coffee, tea, chatting in the garage, etc. We leave little notes for each other in the garage. (I should say, we live in adjoining condos and we share a garage, that's why that's one main point of contact and actually how we met - we're both in there doing projects, etc., and frankly, I used to go out there to do things when I first moved in, hoping I'd run into him and I suspect he did the same). He's cooked dinner for me several times, I had him over for Easter. We've slept together a few times, always when my daughter is at a friend's house, so it's somewhat impromptu/ unplanned in that regard - more of my letting him know when it's okay. When he does stay, we share a pot of coffee at the dining table the next morning for about 1-2 hours talking. That said, because he lives next door, we don't really date. Only recently did we exchange numbers; it almost seemed unnecessary but also odd that we didn't have them. I'm not at home every night and I do things so I'm not there waiting - on the other hand, I do have a 14-year old daughter so I'm not out every night doing things - I definitely spend more time at home than I would if I didn't have a child but I have hobbies, nights out with friends, volunteering, etc. I feel as if it's become so easy that he's not expending any effort to make sure he sees me, that it's now more of a "running into each other" or hit-and-miss type thing. He's been raising his son alone for 13 years and is probably home more than I am. I was considering being a bit scarce for a while and see how much effort he's willing to expend to see me or should I just come out and tell him that the lack of planning (and actually going somewhere) is starting to make me feel as though he can take me or leave me. Unfortunately, I learned last night that his employer is recommending permanent disability for him due to many previous injuries and he is down about that (very understandably). He's a functioning person; it's just that his job is physical and has taken it's toll so that will be a big life change (at the age of 45). If I tried to talk him about us in the next week or two, it would probably just make him angry since his health is a much bigger fish to fry. But, it's starting to weigh on me. Some friends tell me to be a bit scarce, others tell me to just come out and tell him, one even thinks I should have nothing to do with him at all - suggestions/opinions? Thank you so much. (Sorry for the long post).

A suggestion before talking to him about "how you feel"...is you knowinng what you NOW want and expect in light of what you apparently consider an "upgrade" in the status of your association.

If you look at basics without taking anything too personally.....values justify actions for all people. If he'd wanted to date and have all that anticipation, excitement, planning, and expense - he'd have been doing it when he met you...or he'd have done it in the beginning.

He's not into "dating'......or being formal. If he were, he wouldn't have started this hanging out and hooking up because it's convenient.

The same applies to you - if you'd been looking to be dated, to be sought, to be interacted with in a formal manner - you'd have never settled from talking over projects in the garage - to what exists right now.

If you think that if you make friends and lovers first he'll be more formal, courteous or involved later....that'sincorrect. You teach people how to treat you - but what you do and involve with that they can see.

so when you agreed to this informal format becuase it worked for your needs, time, and schedule.....that was your way of letting him know that you're not into "formal dating' either...and he didn't need to do that regarding you - in order to have the pleasure of your company. If when you'd met over projects in the garage - and he suggested the casual involvement, you'd have not considered that the way to have the pleausre of your company and said as much, appropriately. Or if you were the one saying "why not come in, share some coffee, spend some time"......youd have never done that because that is not how you want to be "in the company of him or any other man"...casually, and informally.

So when you agreed to casual and he pursued casual - ti's because "casual" is his style.

I suspect this is a case of "where are we headed"...as in you are not looking for marriage, or commitment, or comingling NOW - but now you're wanting to make sure that he's at least considering that for the future.

There is a way to get around to it - if you leave "you" out of it......where do you see yourself in 5 years professionally, locationally, personally, spiritually, financially, etc...it's all good to share your own dreams with someone, and it allows you if you know how to LISTEN and what to ASK, whether this is someoen with realistic dreams and self-requiremnt, or unrealistic expectations and no self-accountability.

If you hear plans or dreams that are so outrageous in light of who he is, where he is, what he has to work with - you know he's unrealistic, and you'd want nothing more to do with this in a serious manner anyway - so casual sex and conversation work.

But he's got as much contact with you as he wants with a woman...unless he's formally ating someone else and you're the person he his hanging out and hooking up with to keep from pressuring her for sex.

What people want - they pursue.

Just like you're trying to pursue figuring out where this is going....he's not...which should tell you volumes right there.

I really appreciate the good words of advise - very tough to hear when it's spelled out in black and white. (I didn't initiate coffee, he asked me out for coffee and we began our friendship, friends only, that way). He never came out and suggested casual involvement; we never spoke suggestively to each other or anything of that nature in our friends only phase either. Because of those things, I thought it was progressing appropriately. It was very above board but it was clear we were attracted to each other. Valentine's Day a few months later was the first (and only) date and we began intimacy sometime after that. I know that I want more now, and I definitely made it easy for him at that point, unfortunately. Since I actually see him every day, for me, I'll feel better if I talk to him, being ready to hear what I know I'll probably hear. (And, who am I kidding, I'm hoping it'll turn out better). I really care for him and want it to continue (and change) but I guess I know that chances are minimal. (Also, he doesn't date anyone, he's home virtually every night and has no female company). He admitted to me many times that he's very shy around women and also that he hadn't had a girlfriend in a long time; to me, that was a sign he could be trusted, which I know he can, but at this point I'm just settling and I can't do that to myself. So I suppose it doesn't matter how or what I tell him, I just need to do it.

I think your situation you're in explains why it is extremely important to know yourself well...so that you don't have to evaluate other people's intention or assume into their actions.

This is a guy who's been content without having to be involved with a woman, on an equality based set of terms of meeting her needs and sharing her values - for 13 years.

Sometimes wonderful parents...are terrible partners in life. Partnership is about equality - and parenthood is an inequality based dynamic.

So he's been on his own, because he wants for 13 years raising his son. Apparently he's been smart enough not to have his child involving with the other women in his life - and he's had them just like you are now - casual, non-commitment oriented, in the moment enjoyment as it presents, without obligation. Involving children in dating is dysfunctional. children don't date they attach.

He's the kind of guy that might be happy being married or in a relationship - but not to cohabitate, or always have his own space, and retreat for long periods of time to it. The more people are on thier own without having to consider others - the more comfortable they are with self-reliance, and the less adaptable they are to dealing with other people's needs, wants, priorities or expectations.

So he's had many associations like he's having with you.....people pursue what they want.

He asked you out for Valentines day - along with your child. That is NOT a date...that's "dinner out". That you interpretted it as a date.....really review that seriously for rational evaluation.

He took you and your daughter out to dinner...a nice gesture, for a guy who's self-admittedly not comfortable around a woman or interacting socially - he did it the easy way - so that you'd have osmeone else to focus on besides him, and he'd have an excuse for being less intimate, charming, amusing, or entertaining to his "date".

thinking a relationship is something "important' is what is part of the problem, maybe on your side.

A relationship isnt' a goal - it doesn't make you what you're not, it's going to be bsaed on your needs and expectations, your definitions. He might call what you're in a great relationship - because of his needs, wants, expectations, and definitions.

The idea that a relationship has a progression to commitment...again, kind of ridiculous when reviewed logically.

Commitment to self is evidenced in lifestyle - nobody can commit mmore to you than to themselves. If they prioritize and vlaue "partnership" - they'll have it. People that consider life less full as a result of having nobody to share the 'ups" with - seek partnership and create life's "up's" with thier actions.

People that consider it a terrifying proposition to be alone in case the negative or disasterous happens...tend to latch onto whatever association is there and attempt to read into the involvement some sort of "progress" towards commitment.

While nobody commits to equlaly considering you and your needs and priorities, etc. immediately....if they are seeking that as an option - they seek involvement....it'll be in a way mean initially to impress nad please you, knowing that partnership is worthy of effort....

it's taking it personally as if "I" am teh cause or not worthy - that does you in.

So he's got his ideal relationship.......do you?

And if you don't - realize actions brought you to this point - and not just his - but yours.

Doing the same thing repeatedly expecting a different result is the technical definition of insanity.

(I didn't initiate coffee, he asked me out for coffee and we began our friendship, friends only, that way).

My piont is that it appears that "wherever it led you followed". Don't be too surprised using that approach that you end up in alot of places you had no intention of going, or want to be.

He never came out and suggested casual involvement; If you're stating he never came out and formally communicated "let's be FWB"....rarely would that occur. You're a grown woman with a child, capable of determining what actions to take in your life that get you what you want. HE wasn't giogn to think for you.....and he had no "agenda".

Coffee klatching was good enough - if that was as far as yu were willing to go. Sex was great - if you were mutuallyagreeble.

I think he was giving you credit for intelligence in realizing that "no communication' is a huge statement. He wasn't asking you out, he wasn't formally dating you, there was no discussion about involvement....and you two were having sex while making sure your children wren't in the vicinity when it occurred on rare occasion.

He was giving youfull credit for you living within your boundaries, up to your own expectations nad standards with your actions. He was assuming you wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do...and that you wren't assuming anything going on was leading to something "more' - because nothing was being discussed.

Every talk, every sex session, every meeting was virtually a "repeated one night stand".....that's all "casual involvement" of any sort is.

Repeatedly getting together because it's convenient, comfortable, easy and meets the needs of hte moment with no future expectation.

we never spoke suggestively to each other or anything of that nature in our friends only phase either. to me, even more an indicator that he didn't consider dating a priority, or seduction a requirement. HE was willing to take whatever you had to offer in terms of time and energy.

Because of those things, I thought it was progressing appropriately. Using employment as a model...try this - it's applicable to all type of interactive dynamic.

Would you do this at work....

You want a raise, and a promotion. Without discussing your needs or expectations or desires with your supervisors or coworkers you begin to put in more hours, you expend more energy on behalf of the company. You go above and beyond the call of duty, and you take on more projects and learn about more aspects of your company overall and the positions within it.

Yet......the position you want to hold is filled, the person in the position is receiving regular raises and good evaluations, the boss prasises that person's efforts and results on a regular basis.

No, you'd NEVER EVER put in more time, energy, effort, and sacrifice other areas of your life for a promotion/raise for a position that had no indication it would become available in any foreseeable timeframe.

Yet, that is precisely your approach with this guy - and it's your perception of how to "make a relationship grow".

You believee if you don't communicate your expectations, you can go along with the expectations or actions of someone and you'll eventually be promoted to a higher position....a position that has no indication based on the person you're dating, that needs to be filled in his estimation.

It was very above board but it was clear we were attracted to each other. Question...do you know the difference between flirtation and seduction? And how much time do you spend in involvement with other people of both sexes in social situations? I ask only because the statement that "it was all very above board" - indicates that you believe becuase he didn't flirt or make suggestive comment, that obviously he respected you enough to consider you worth spending time on.

You holding that view - is what had you overlooking his lack of prioritization on planning to spend time with you - and doing it when it was convenient. That had you believing hwen he didn't pursue sex right away - that he was looking for a relationship of commitment.

None of which was valid as an assumption and will never prove accurate in any situation overmuch.

Peopel that don't let you know "I think you're a hottie" - they're not into sexual gratification overmuch, they can take it or leave it...meaning they can have sex with you and it doesn't mean anything, and itwon't occur very often, and that doesn't mean anything either.

Valentine's Day a few months later was the first (and only) date Do you regularly take your daughter on your dates? if so, I'd cease that immediately.

and we began intimacy sometime after that. Again, I don't see a problem with wanting sexual gratification from a willing partner - onn either side. But the idea that the willingness to have sex with you means there is some desire for more involvement in an intertwined way - that's a niave assumption.

I know that I want more now, and I definitely made it easy for him at that point, unfortunately. I wouldn't use the word easy - I'd use available. It wasn't easy - he had to take you to dinner, have coffee, go thru this 3 months of friendship only to see whre YOU would take it.

if you'd review the situational details...you're very likely to see that everything in your manner, your tone, your remarks, and your agreements with what you thought were suggestions.....it was you that initiated sex.

It's not a trick on his part.....and it might not be accurate.

But the idea you hold is that by becoming associates in the 3 months without the flirtation, while you were hoping he'd find you attractive, you go on this one "date" with your child, you believe because he's not being overly aggressively pursue of "just sex" he's a gentleman and is the "relationship material" type.....that is going to have you going "do come in for coffee"...it's going to have you knocking on his door saying "My daughter is out for a few hours, why not come over?"

IT's imperative to know when you're seducing someone and what seduction is. Flirtation is a message "you're a hottie" - and generally that message is informal, casual, it can be done publicly without reprisal, and it's usually well received and responded to in kind 'back at ya".

Seduction is an offer......."why not come in for coffee" - that's you luring the fly into your web......"my daughter will be out on Friday night, why don't you drop in".

That's seduction...that is you presenting an offer of your company for whatever purposes....at your instigation. If you refuse to believe you are a seductress becuase you have issues iwth sex...then it's easy to get the "miscommunication" going with the opposite sex.

The message your actions and words send is "come hither, I desire you"......and they follow suit, showing up at the appointed day, or agreee with your offer for a beeverage.....and while you might think "things just progressed or unfolded or occurred" - the reality is witout those offers, which were carefully but perhpas subconsciously formed by you, being presented.....things could not have "progressed". You're stating that you wouldn't get naked and let him do you over the workbench in the garage if he'd made that suggestion. But yet, you let him know that your daughter is out, and invite him over. Same offer....different location.

Since I actually see him every day, for me, I'll feel better if I talk to him, being ready to hear what I know I'll probably hear. I'd really think about this a second. Do you want to continue to have a guaranteed sex partner on occcasion that is good in bed? If you do - why are you ending it with him right now? Do you want to continue to have someone to have coffee with, do projects in the garage with, and have sex on occasion wtih? IF so - why end this?

What you'd want to do is know what you want...and what you require OF YOU. If you believe it is wrong/sin/crime, etc. to have sex with someone you wouldn't marry if they ask.....you can stop having sex for a considerable period of time....you're going to have to find osmeone to date, then go thru the infatuation stage, get to know them for a lengthy period of time well over a year - to determine if their character is what you admire and trust...to know whether you'd consider marriage if they asked...

So evaluate who stepped over boundaries...did you step over yours to get gratification thinking if it "led to commitment' - you'd be back on the right side of your ethics?

I guarantee you he didn't step over his boundaries to get gratification......if he had - he'd have ended it already to step back over to something he could live with 24/7. He spends infiinitely more time with himself...than he does with you.

(And, who am I kidding, I'm hoping it'll turn out better). I really care for him and want it to continue (and change) but I guess I know that chances are minimal. I'd go here, change is the only constant. But past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Asking him if he sees himself remarried, living elsewhere, what he envisions his life will be like in 5 years.....that's a quality question to ask of friends, as it is really a way to see into the ohopes and dreams the individual has for themselves, while evaluating the steps they're taking now to make it thier reality at some point.

Asking the "what about "us"....loaded question...ultimatum. And just reember, no answer is an answer.

(Also, he doesn't date anyone, he's home virtually every night and has no female company). Right, because if sharing his time and life on a regular basis was what he wanted...he'd have been doing it long before you came into the picture. HE's been 'on his own" 13 years.

This might give it perspective.....being female, I hear it alot - when are you ging to marry again. I've heard it since I was 35.....and freshly divorced. I've heard it all - there's not alot of quality men in your age group - best get looking, you're not getting any younger, what about when you're 60- do you want to be on your own and just have yourself to rely on. I've heard it all.

I'm 45......I've got a great life, passionate interests and pursuits, I have no real prioritization on possessions or social status, I have a job that pays for the bills now and the needs of the future adequately, I have great friendships...I have it all, a far as I'm concerned. No other way would I have it..I'm being a responsible 21 year at 45...spending 20 hours a week pursuing my sports and competitive interests, working my job 40 hours a week, cleaning house and cooking and doing what I want in the'chores" regard when I want, how I want and if I want - I have nobody else to look after, consider or prioritize. I'll admit at 37..I wobbled....um "what if" was the mindset of my life from childhood and it was always me envisioning the worst of scenarios.....and of course nobody wants to be on their own in tragedy. At 37, when it reallly was internally looking "iffy" for me....I had a tremendous source of inspiration without asking for it. A friend of mine just happened to mention that the "iffy" mindset could be channeled into the positive - as well as the negative, if I were willing to do it. It'd then be vision and would make life a challenge, rather than a threat of the unknown which I could not predict or control.

I took taht forward...I createda great life, I traveled, competed, trained, completed myself, became my best friend - rtaher than my worst enemy. I didn't obsess any longer about finding a man......to complete me, to secure me in the event of negatve.....and I found life is not negative overmuch. I've found great men as a result, many of them wanting to commit to someone so independent and positive about life...I'm just not old enoujgh yet forthat, but if I ever do prioritize it, I'm sure I'll have no trouble finding someone that wants what I want...I already know someone that does - that someone is me...and I'm more than delighted to share my life with me only - if that is what transpires.

He admitted to me many times that he's very shy around women and also that he hadn't had a girlfriend in a long time You know - i married 3 guys in my youth back to back.....doing what you're ding. They were all men that had no real desire or respect for the companionship of a woman in thier life...and I was so desperate for completion and companionship - for someone to be there in the event of the next disaster, I made very sure that life was eveerything they ever wanted in terms of convenience, ease, options and benefits. Ironically...I'd marry the, comingle everything, lose my option to be exclusively focused on me and putting my energyy and resources to achieving the life I wanted...to find that being an adjunct wasn't enough......adn then I'd want out. None ofthose guys ever remarried...in dysfunctionality I used to think "I couldn't be replaced and so they didn't try". In maturity - I realize they were never men that wanted partnership, they wanted convenience...and when my expectations of "now it's your turn to prioritize and pursue me" came into effect, I had to leave, because they would not pursue or involve on anything more than the casua, superficial shallow element we'd always been in.

The relationship you have with you- is the map/blueprint/model you use to create a relationship with someone else. So you can't possibly know them well, if youdon't know yourself in depth. You have no way to eavaluate how deep the waters are...standing on the shore.

to me, that was a sign he could be trusted, which I know he can, but at this point I'm just settling and I can't do that to myself. an unrealistic thing that lots of women have is teh "I want to be the star of my own fairy tale"...so they believe that the man who's been without a relationship for years, without any real interst in dating, they convince themselves this is becuase "he was waiting for ME".

As a aresult of needing to hear that message "I'm so all that", and using the reasoning that says 'because they weren't with anybody before me, that means they think I'm special" - you fail to get the real picture which is partnership isn't a priority and companionship on a regular basis isn't important to them, and considering somenoe else equally with themselves is not within their skill set.

Special people ride the little bus - unique people drive their own mercedes!

So I suppose it doesn't matter how or what I tell him, I just need to do it.

Oh, I would say it makes a great deal of difference....becuase if you go in there with "i'm not sure what I"m feeling, or what I'm saying, I'm not sure what I want, other than i want "change"....well, change is the only constant. and it'll occur without you doing anything.

He's going to ask what he needs to do specifically - in order to keep things sa they are - casual contact and casual sex......and your'e going to come up with something he can do - that'll keep the interaction in play.

And then you'll claim he misled you - and it won't be him that did.

Again, you're giving me some serious things to think about. What you said about parenting made me stop too; I've been widowed myself for six years and have very intentionally never brought someone into my child's life because I did not want her to get attached. Valentine's Day - you're right - not a date when I look at it that way. I thought it was a wonderfully nice gesture for him to include my daughter as well but that was a first and only as she's had no other involvement with anything other than seeing him in passing. I've had one relationship, long distance, that ended last year (I've posted about it - I'm embarrassed when I go back and read any of it, and very thankful that it ended) and I maintained it that way, knowing it would go no further, because I had a child and did not want to get her involved. Maybe what I really see in my neighbor is a good parent.

Well, being a good parent to "his child" is one thing.....wanting more children to parent - something else entirely.

What's very wise is to stand back and look objectively at facts...not assumptions or projections.

He's been on his own 13 years.....without projecting into why that is - you know if it didn't suit him, it wouldn't be his reality to be living in.

If you're NOT happy in singlehood - and prefeer couplelhood - it's easy to assume everybody WANTS coulplehood and is seeking it, which leads to the 'until the right person came along in me, he wasn't willing to settle." Incorrect.

The way a person's life is - it's either how they like it and they're doing everything within their scope of control to keep it this way - or they don't like it as it is, and you'll be seeing alot of plans that are followed by actions, to make the reality they want to create, their reality to live.

if you want to put a correlation to it - if a runner wanted to run a marathon, they wouldn't sign up and run the same 5 miles 3 times a week that they always have. They'd choose a marathon they wish to run and enter, along with paying that fee, and setting aside that date, they'd also find a training program that would demand much more of their time progressively up to the event itself, that they'd spend running or working out.

If they were your neighbor and you'd seen the out running 45 minutes 3 days a week for years...only to see them more frequently going out to run, coming bcak from running, or clad to go out to the gym - you'd ask next time you were meeting at the mailbox or in teh shared garage, "what're you up to, I see you're out much more these days putting in the miles".

I'd sum it up with this...fear based people don't consider life a challenge...it's a threat. So new/different/unfamiliar is avoided at all costs, and risk is avoided as well, whenever possible.

Fear based people can't possibly succeed in life in terms of living fully and deeply. They're so scared of losing it all - they can't begin anything at all overmuch. The old adage in sports applies "if you can't afford to lose, you can't attempt to win."

Fear based adults are created by the "punishment' of parents in their youth - rather than the discipline of parents in their childhood.

Punishment is a result of "you diddn't meet my needs or expectations, do what i said - and I'll make you pay". That mindset has you going out into the world constantly evaluating the repercussions potential around you - while never seeing the potential of growth or expansion.

It fears the fall......what if I enver get up.

Disciplined children were not punished for disobedience to my command of this mooment. Disciplined children violated the 'standards' of the household in which they were raised.....and discipline appropriate was the price for not living up to their own potential, and the realistic expectations of their parents.

Disciplined children don't fear running down the hill lest they fall..they know if they fall, they'll get up and keep going. Theygo out into life seeking the rewards of their actions...rather than constantly fearing the repercussions of their actions.

Totally different mindset.

You chose a distance based relationship probably because you're not sure you've got the life-skills to interact with someone regularly on a successful level, or the esteem issues are in play - that have you questioning your value as an individual.

Distance is a agreed to or used as an exccuse - by people who really want most o their time to themselves for their own interests and goals, or because they have the perception they're not really worth being around all the time.

If you'd put the correlation to it -the distance based relationship - and the next door neighbor...it's really the same dynamic.

You're thinking "'there is not distance involved it can't be the same thing"...but it is.

You chose someone that subliminaly you could assess the lifesytle of knowing "he doesn't want more tha casual linvolvement".

That the involvement was daily in your face...has you coming to terms with "why aren't I worrth spending more time with and energy on?"

That's the purpose of interaction with people - to let you explore and redefine yourself and come to terms with you.

I thought the same thing this morning - that I'd created the same situation as previous long distance, just in a different venue. The involvement being in my face every day is also what made me begin questioning why he didn't want to spend more energy on me. I also believe that I have crossed my boundaries, which was a hard one to admit to, because, as you said, I don't believe for a minute that he would've crossed his own.

IT's pretty simple not to repeat about the setting over your boundaries and on your ethics to get instant gratification.

whenever you're about to do something....rather than justify or rationalize it away under the guise of for someone else, or because they want it, or because "if X happens, and Y results, then what I am doing will have been the right thing to do".....rather than all the internal games that lead nowhere positive..try this.

IT's accurate, applies to everybody - allows you to go forward with yourself honestly - and has you ceasing to evaluate everybody else's actions against what you assume are their needs or intentions.

"I am doing this BECAUSE I WANT TO AND BECAUSE I CAN".

If you say that....as you're about to go into debt, or do something that is only the right thing to do "if something you don't control does result because of it" - you'll stop in your tracks and re-evaluate.

I'm doing THIS....becuase I want to.....with nothing else attached, nothing to gain, I am foregoing or allowing "Y" to do THIS?

When you've spent time in conversation with him......enjoyoable as it is - you gave up other things to do it.

It's a great no regrets policy.....one not normally found until one has plenty of permannet regrets!

Admit that you're always doing what you want, because you want and can.

It lets you assess if this is what you want to do...and worth your time and energy.

I'll be telling him that I'm terminating - it just isn't something I want to do anymore.

Given that you share a garage...and you will remain neighbors......you know the situation of course....but if it were me, it's just that the next time he wants to come over for sex....I'd just say "you know, I dont' think that I want that part of our relationship to continue. It's not working for me anymore."

The more "we must talk" and sit down about it occurs, the more uncomfortable it's going to be sharing the garage and living in the condo.

If you're accepting that the dynamic was not formal, it was all about mutually agreed to gratification by personal definition - the next time sex comes up, it's simply enough to say I think I'm past that at the present, but it was enjoyable while it lasted. Thanks for being there for me when i needed it.

Thanks again for all the great advise; some of it was hard to take but I appreciate your directness. Have a great day.