I'm an idiot

I've been with my boyfirend for about 1 1/2 years. However, when we were first getting together I had a pyscho ex-boyfriend that actually tried to fight my new boyfriend. For the first couple of months my boyfriend put up with it. But now has put his foot down because my ex kept interfering with our life. The problem was that my ex is friends with all my friends from college so he was somewhat present, but I would either lie about it or not tell him my ex called. My boyfriend and I have almost broken up several times because of him. A few nights ago I called my ex for no apparent reason and I left a message. My boyfriend found out...I have no idea how, but he has trust issues with me. I am really truly sorry for how stupid i am to jepordize my relationship by calling my ex. What can I possible do to tell him how f'n stupid I am?

tell him the truth about y u called. if he doesnt believe you, then maybe you shouldnt go out w/ an untrusting person

Well, for starters ...you are letting your ex-boyfriend win, because his efforts to sabotage your new relationship appear to be working.

If he is friends with all of your friends ...maybe some new friends are called for? I think the only contact you should ever make with your ex is to tell him that if he ever threatens you or your new BF again you're going to get the police involved.

I don't know how it is your ex is interfering with your life, but however it is he can do this, I suggest you stop giving him the opportunities. I think your present boyfriend has every right to have trust issues with you, if you are calling your crazy ex and leaving messages for him.

Thanks for your reply. You know what my boyfriend says the same thing. That I'm giving my ex control. If feels that my boyfirend and I get in a fight about trust issues, we make up and its great for a couple of months and then it happens again. Maybe because I want to stir things up..get a reaction or see if he still cares about me. It's a messed up thought and it frightens me. What can I do to stop this rutine and show my boyfriend how much I really do love, respect and cherish our relationship?

I think you've just done the first and hardest thing, which is to correctly identify why it's happening, which is because a part of you wants it to happen, as a sort of test of your current bf. You're also right to think that this isn't a good thing to be doing, and will eventually drive him away if it continues.

As you've identified this, the next stage is to develop a plan of what to do when you begin to recognise those feelings. For example, you might tell your bf that you're beginning to feel insecure (*not* tell him to warn him of impending testing, I stress, but tell him so you won't need to test him, because the act of telling him will bring you closer together again). Or you might find some form of behaviour that counters those feelings, or distracts you sufficiently from them.

As an alternative, it may be worth considering therapy for a short period to address the cause of the periodic insecurity that leads to this happening. Sounds a bit drastic I know, but it doesn't have to be, and if it helps save your current relationship, it may be worth it.

In any case, well done for the first step in identifying the problem, and good luck with the next one of starting to deal with it.

Okay, When you test, the typical girl like this/you . Guys hate that stuff. What's sad is that you totally know your doing it, and you still do it. All your doing is ruining everything. I totally agree that your current boyfriend would have trust issues now. I would get back with your old boyfriend then, cause that's seems to what you really want here. I never believe what comes out of a girls mouth, only her actions.. Actions speak the words and hopefully your current boyfriend, if not already, figured that out. goodluck