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Thread: warning text

  1. #1
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    warning text

    Hi guys you may have read my previous posts relating to my ex of 8 years? well he now knows that i maybe going out for a drink with someone at the weekend and he sent me a text saying be warned i will not put up with anyone that i am not aware of in my house? the situation is he is not living in our house, he owns it but i pay half the mortgage, i threw him out and he is living with the other girl and her parents. Anyway when i asked him what be warned meant he said he did not want my new interest stepping foot in his house, so i said you give me no choice to find a new interest you are not hereand that all i want is for him to come back. He replied and said that you do not chose you rfeelings they just happen????we cannot live in the same house as things are, what he means is that everytime i see him i ask him when he is coming back and things about the other girl, as he tries to make out that he is only with her because i threw him out???he says i assume too much about his relationship with her. is he jealous do you think that i may be seeing someone else, i am trying to cut contact with him but he wants to be friends yet he is always too busy to see me,as he says if we cant be friends we cant be anything else?? he only comes to the house for his post etc i think only when necessary not to see me?
    help advice needed?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    Don't be niaive he's having sex with her! He wants the best of both worlds.
    Anyway if he doesn't want this new person in his house then go to their house. Don't forget he may come home to check the other persons not there. He could also cause trouble!

    Get rid of him and move on. You deserve somebody better.

    If there's only his name on the paperwork of the house stop paying the mortgage!

    Have a great time with your new date.

    Good luck

  3. #3
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    i m not being naive he's been with this girl for about 6 months now but originally he would only see her 1-2 times a week, until i threw him out about 3 months ago. i just dont undersatnd his reaction and has/can he lose feelings for me after 8 years? is he using her? if he was so concerned he would be initiating buying me out by now or at least putting the house up for sale but the last thing he said was he was buying me out, it doesnt seem to me that he is oging ot do taht just yet, i think that if he does that then it is an opening for the other girl to want more commitment and he doesnt want that as he has already said he cannot see a future with her??? he has always said that if he came back to me he has to be 100% that it is right as it woukd then be arriage and kids? i know i am stupid but i still love him and am in love with him he says he still loves me but is not in love with me??

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    Sue,

    I posted this on your other thread, and I'll paste it here so you can see it.

    If that is his house and his name in on the deed and mortgage, why are you still living there? Stop paying the mortgage and find your own place to live. He has a right to say who is in his house and who isn't. Without any legal documentation saying you have a right to be in that house, you don't.

    Then you can bring whomever home that you choose. It's been six months, do you think it's time for you to let go and move on with your life?


    [b]suebob1 wrote
    do u really think he is using her?? what makes you think that?

    Does it really matter?

    Look at his actions. He is with her now. Does that sound like someone who loves you and wants to save your relationship? Does it sound like someone who respects you, and cares about your feelings?

    He cheated on you with her from Sept until Jan when he finally broke up with you? And now it's been 6 months, and he's still with her, and cheated on her with you. Honey, he sounds like a real dog who does not care about anyone but himself, and that includes not caring about you.

    You deserve someone who wants to be with you 100%, and believe me, there are men like that out there, who would never dream of hurting a woman and stepping out on her to be with someone else.

    I think it's pretty clear that he has no intentions of getting back with you, and he continues to be with her, regardless of whether or not he's still using you for sex.

    I'm sorry that he hurt you, it was a really lousy thing to do, but I really think it's time you let him go and try to move on with your own life. You've wasted enough time pining for someone who clearly doesn't care and doesn't deserve your attention.

    Don't you think?

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    i am living there until i find my own house but seeing as though i am entitled to half the equity i have every right to be there, he is the mug if he still wants to pay half of everything it seems to me that he doesnt want to let go of me completely as i have told him once i move into my own house that would be it no going back even if he wanted to!! anyhow he is not doing anything about getting me out

  7. #6
    Silver Member Tigris's Avatar
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    Suebob I apologise for saying you're niaive!

    I think Hope is giving good advice. However, if you are entitled to half the equity I can see why you want to stay put.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Hope75's Avatar
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    You may be entitled to a cash sum from him if you have a written agreement that the two of you were investing in this house together, but even that does not give you the right to stay in the house legally. Bottom line, if the house deed and mortgage are in his name, (if he bought the house, and not with you jointly where you both signed the papers), then he has the right to throw you out and to decide who can enter that house and who can't. If you refuse to leave, he can go to court and get a legal eviction.

    Why he hasn't done that is beyond me. Yes, he was a dog who cheated on you, and that was wrong, but it is his house.

    If your agreement on the house was verbal, you can certainly sue him for the money you invested, but without any type of written agreement it is his word against yours. who is to say you weren't simply paying rent to live with him? It would be difficult to prove.

    My question is, why would you want to stay there, knowing he cheated, is living with someone else, and isn't taking responsibility for his own actions, and shows no signs of wanting to get back together? Don't you think you deserve more?

    You've been there six months since the break up, are you seriously looking for another place to live? It sounds more like you won't let him go than him not letting you go. Take a look around, where is he? Living with another girl while you are in his house.

    You are not going to be able to get over this until you take the step to cut all ties with him and move out of his house and get on with your own life. Just because he's letting you hang on there and live in limbo does not mean that you should. It isn't healthy. You've already wasted a half a year waiting for him to come back and he hasn't.

    Don't you think it's time to move on?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Mun's Avatar
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    I want to tell you that you should be looking for your own place so that you can live your life the way you want and he won't have any right to say a thing. Also, that he is controling you and in a sense playing mind games by making you believe that you pushed him into his current living situation when in fact he had this girl before he ever left. I'm guessing here that he lied to you about the affair and so now he is trying to make you feel guilty about it too.

    The problem I see is that you seem to WANT to stay where you are and hope and believe that he will come back--that he doesn't really love her. Honey, don't worry about what he is doing to her...worry about what he is doing to you.

    I know that you will be there until you, yourself decide that you deserve better than this. No matter what anyone else tells you, it is you who knows your limits and how much heartache you can take.

    Don't be flattered that he "cares" who you bring into the home, he is trying to manipulate you. If this man loved you he would be with you.

  10. #9
    Member OceanEyes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by muneca
    If this man loved you he would be with you.
    This is sad, but 100% true. He is exercising free will. Nobody is forcing him to live with some other woman and her parents. He is there because he wants to be there. Don't let yourself get caught up in wishful thinking or trying to understand why he hasn't booted you - look at the facts and find your dignity:

    - He apparently cheated on you for months. You stayed then.

    - He moved out to actually be with this woman.

    - He makes no attempt whatsoever to win back your trust, nor has he taken steps to admit wrongdoing on his part, or express remorse.

    i just dont undersatnd his reaction and has/can he lose feelings for me after 8 years?
    I understand what you're saying, I would probably wonder too. But it's happened and now is the time to accept it and deal with it. You will never be able to move on with your life while you still live in a house that is in his name.


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