YOKO!!! :.(

This is kinda long... sorry...

My hubby, who will be called W, was in a band for about 6 years. He was one of the original founders of the band, and he and all these guys were like brothers. Well, shortly after we got engaged he decided to leave. He had been considering leaving for a while because he felt he lost his passion for it, and it was feeling like more of a chore then a fun thing to do.

I was upset about his decision for a few reasons. !) I don't like endings, 2) I had gotten to know all these guys too and considered them friends, and had gotten very close with their wives. I knew that a lot of these people would be (for the most part) out of my life. I know it's hard to understand that, but I just knew I wouldn't see any of them near as much. But I never tried to talk him out of leaving. I wasn;t about to make him keep doing something he no longer wants to do...

Well this has caused a few problems on other levels now. Everyone blames me for him leaving. The wives have behaved in a condescending way toward me, both online, and at shows (we still go to see them play once in a while). The band members haven't really been as friendly to me either.

This band is pretty well known in our scene. When he left there were all these articles in local music mags and on local music sites about it, and they all had undertones of blaming his marriage for him leaving the band. When the band themselves decided to officially announce it on there website, they made it sound like my fault as well. My husband even admitted to me that everyone thought it was my fault, yet he stood bye and refused to do anything about it. He never spoke up on the message board and explained his real reason for leaving at all. He let the blame fall all on me. To defend myself was pointless, because whenever I tried telling anyone it was'nt my fault, all I ever got was "Oh yeah right..." type answers which only frusterated me more.

What is bringing all this up now, you ask. Well the band is now recording there third cd. We were talking about it earlier today, and he mentioned that he is so glad they were able to find a good replacement and do so well without him. That opened up an old wound I guess. He told me that during the time this happened he never once thought of telling everyone why he really quit, he just let everyone blame me. He said he didn't realise it would upset me so much. I can't believe he would be so thoughtless and disrespectful to do this to me. I know to all you reading this it probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is to me.

I almost wonder if he waited until we got engaged to quit because he KNEW everyone would blame me. Because after he told them he did make a comment to me like "Oh, unfortunately people will probably think it's because of you, but that's just the way people think."

It's been a year now, but our conversation today just got me upset and depressed.

I really need some imput on this whole situation, please can anyone help???

I asked him to tell everyone, but he just said it would be pointless to even bother because it's been a year and it's old news now. I got mad, and he said I was just acting crazy. He just told me to forget it and let it go...

No offense, but it sounds like your guy took the wussy way out, what a crappy thing to do to someone...