Should I step aside?

I love my new bf very much. He's older than me and has two kids with his ex-wife. He only gets to see them six months of the year.

I love his kids a lot, they are great and I love spending time with them.

Here's my problem:

Lately, I've been feeling instrusive. I feel like any time we have alone together takes away from him having private time with his kids.

We do all go out and have fun together, which is great but I also think it's important for them to go do things alone without me there sometimes.

I have told him about this and he says that it's fine. But I really think that perhaps he should spend more personal time with his kids and less with me. I don't want to tell him how to be a parent( and really don't think it's fair since I myself am not one) but I also don't want him to feel like I don't want to spend time with him, because I do. I just don't want to be the barrier that prevents him from having a close and personal relationship to his children. What should I do? Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

You really need to start seeing yourself as part of this family. Your boyfriend probably wants to spend time with both his kids AND you. Lets say you two were to go on and get married or move in together. Well then you would be there all the time, right? So you'll have to figure out a way to blend the families together so that everyone gets to spend time with each other.

Besides, how do you know his kids aren't looking forward to spending time with YOU? If you love them and they love you, then I think its really great you are becoming part of their lives.

Don't look at it as being intrusive. Look at what positive things you bring to the family!!

Thanks avman!

I guess I needed to hear from someone other than my bf, that I wasn't being instrusive.

I look at it a little differently than avman.

He is your bf, and he probably wants a complete life. Of course, part of that means time with his children. But part of that has to mean having a woman in his life, or he would not be with you. His kids should want that for him too. So, my answer is with regard to him: No, you should not just step aside.

However, I woudl allow for three kinds of time in his life: time with all of you; time with just his kids and not you; and time with just you. All of these are probably important. Time with jsut you is needed in order for you to be a couple. Time with all of you is needed if you are ever goign to be serious with him, because you will need to try to make a place in his family. Time with just him and his kids will also probably be important.

If you are serious about it, I would make a point of providing for all of these. Maybe one day you make plans for all of you, but when the time comes surprise them and tell them they are going somewhere to have fun. I think you letting his kids no that they are supposed to haev time with jsut him may do a lot for the kids' relationship with you.

Both Avman and beec make great points. You do not say how committed and serious the relationship is? If you are both seeing this relationship as having longterm potential then it is just as important for you to develop a relationship with the kids as it is for him to maintain his.

How do the kids respond to you? Do you get a sense that they want alone time with their dad? Are they old enough to talk to about it?

Communication is the key here...with your partner and the kids. Don't force your relationship on them but recognise that you are an important part of equation here and no way should you feel like an intruder.