Sobo

I just dont feel right about being all chumy with him so soon, it's a crappy situation, he came down to my room today to talk and he gave all his reasons about not wanting to ask his parents for money etc. Which may be true, but IF he asked Im sure they would not object, they would put up a fight but eventually they would agree. I just dont feel like talking to the guy for a while, get a break which will be hard if he lives with me,

ok heres the story, me and my g/f wanted to go on a trip down south for reading week, so we decided to try and get some people to go with us, mainly our two good friends who have also been dating, the guy is more so my really good friend. So he does all the planning etc. Me and here had it in our heads that we wanted to go to CUBA, but then my friend "Mason" we'll call him, told us that he didn't want to go there, b/c of various reasons, me and my g/f didn't put up a fight, we just went along to make him happy. Make a long story short, we booked with our school b/c it was cheaper, and the day we book, me and my g/f booked, they had not yet, he tells me that he is not going, b/c of a list of reasons, from money (which is bogus b/c his parents would pay for it, his parents are fine financially) and the he doesn't feel like spending his money on things like a trip in his life right now, So this had me and my g'f really pissed off, we planned this whole thing around these two to make them happy, and now they aren't going, and didn't tell us till later on, way later on, not to metion give us dumb excuses. So over time we got over it, (I live with this guy, he's one of a few roomates) then comes yesterday, we all decide to go to a party, after a few minutes at the party, my g'f come over and says she has to tell me something, i go over, she tells me that both of them are going to BC to go snowboarding with our other friends, a couple and another friend of ours. My g'f takes me down stairs and starts bailing her eyes out, Mason comes down a few minutes later and tells me he has to talk to me, I reply "i already knwo everytihng" so i just stand there as he lists off his reasons, "i didnt know when to tell you, i know you were gonna get pissed, this trip is cheaper, " etc. So now here are my thoughts, and why I am angered at this, 1) At first when he said he wasn't going the first time, he said it was about money, that he was the only one paying for everything, that he thought lots of our friends would go and that now that it was only us 4 then its not as much fun. Fine, yes there were more people going but why go through all that trouble going to agents, etc. telling us they wanted to go. So here the real problem with all this, he said he didn't want to go b/c of money, yet now he is paying to go to BC? so he obviously lied about not having money etc. 2nd, if he was so concerned with going with another couple, why is he going with another couple, and another friend, this new guy is fun, but he's kinda slow upstairs, but to me one extra person doesn't make too much of a differece. 2) He's just lying this whole time, making excuses, I dont know for sure how long he knew a) he wasn't going to go on the trip with us in the first place, b) how long he knew he was going to BC before telling us. Yes it was going to hurt regardless but he told me after the first incident, that he should have told me sooner about his plans, then he turns around and does the same thing a few weeks later. I dunno maybe I am just angry at nothing, although I sure as hell do not think so, and i just tihnk this guy is a party animal, and he is a good guy, but he rather be the center of attention in front of 5 people, instead of 4. I thought he was a good friend, he was when me and mygf broke up, but all we did was go out and drink and do stupid stuff like healways does, to be the center of attention. I guess he wasn't such a good friend after all. Your thoughts? am I over-reacting, ?

OK I will give you guys a short run down of what happened with me and my gf. We were going out almost 2 years, then she comes out and tells me she doesn't love me etc. We break up, things suck at first, but in the end I personally think I did very well about it, then we got back together, it's a weird story so you can look it up, I tihnk I may have done it artially b/c of pity. NOW we have been back oh i dunno i month and a bit, but like it feels different, yes there are moments when I feel the same way I did before, but even that isn'r eally the same, I don't know maybe I was blind and naive before, but I really never questioned anything, I was never really that jealous, or anything. Now sure it doesn't help that she is living with 2 other guys in a house for school, one of which I am sure likes her, the reason I am a little "parnoid" about this is b/c while we were broken up she had sex with another guy, I don't knwo why it bothers me, well it doesn't just that when she is around other guys I sort of question it based on what happened, which is bad b/c we weren't going out so ir shouldn't matter, Part of me is tired of being in a relationship, I feel as though I cannot relax, when we got back together we said things would be different, they aren't. We still do the boring things too often like sit on a couch and watch a movie. I find myself not spending as much time with my friends, and when she is out I worry, I never worried before. It's like i need something to happen, or a break to realize how good she is, or maybe i'll find out otherwise, Part of me wishes like she would go kiss another guy, or cheat on me then I could just break up with her for that reason, like I don't want to do it b/c I will feel really bad, and this is weird b/c as I typing this, I recall her saying all of these things to me when she was giving me a speech about it. I guess maybe I don't want to be tied down, it's harder to meet new people with a gf around, like I feel as though I am limited in some capacity, Anyone else feel this ever? Whats the best thing to do???

BTW that is a good answer to that question, so easy and simple, thanks!

OK so last night we both go out, we tried to get ppl together to go out, but that didn't work so we ended up going to dinner alone, which was fine. and she brought it up again, she went out on monday with her work people, and I never asked about him, I was just like "how was it?" a generic question, she said it was good, that was the end of it, but when we went out she brought it up, "so XXXXXX was there last night, and he was like "where's WWWWWW (me) ?" she said that I really don't want to meet him, and then I was like yeah I don't really care to meet the dude," Im gonna keep a close eye on this, like if she keeps mentioning him, and stuff about him then im gonna think something of it, she also said that liek when I see him im gonna tihnk, "yeah she was totally drunk" i think in ref. to him being not very attractive...?? and that she is starting to not like him as a friend,, possibly b/c she see's i don't like her talking about him or even mentioning him,

we have issues, i never had this problem b4, I was totally cool with it, i never got jealous, well at least not before the break up. Then again, she never had sex with anyone else. I think she is very naive, this is the second time that she has told me "he's not like that" after I tell her every guy is the same, and then she counters with, "well than what makes you different" I understad what all of you are saying, part of me doesn't want to bring all this up with her again, last time I even got a hint of it she got all in a hissy fit about it,and we spent the entire night in bed talking about it, to the poont where i didn't remember falling asleep, in the morning we both calmed down and rationalized the situation a bit. My problem is, NO i do not like her hanging out with him, but she is not ONLY hanging out with him, is it fair of me to ask her not to hang out with her friends b/c of him and me?????

its not her that wants me to meet him, he wants to meet me, a lot of her work friends do, her best work friend tells her that she feels she knows me b/c I guess she talked so much about me and the situation to her during our 2 months off. I told her that there is no reason why I should, or even have to want to meet this guy, and I told her I don't. She understands that How do I handle the idea of her hanging out with him, I mean like I know she doesn't only hang out with him, it's always the whole group going out and he just happens to be there, is it totally wrong of me to say hey listen, don't go out with your friends if he is around, keep in mind soon summer will be over, and she won't be working, and will be going to school with me

when we talked about it, like she says there is no interest between them, at least on her part, i don't know about the other guy, she says "oh he's not like that" I dont really care, I don't want to see the guy, as for the hanging out with him part, well I mean what is there that I can do, tell her "whenever he goes out with the group you can't go" ? that will make her want to do it even more, just to show that I don't control her, or she'll jst say, "oh he just showed up, he wasn't supposed to" she knows that I don't like the situation, and I would obviously prefer her not to see the guy, so if it gets out of hand i guess I can change my actions accordingly,

it does and it doesn't, like the reason I feel weird about them being friends, well they did have sex, she says it was meaningless, which I believe, but there must have been something there to begin with, and i am just scared of it "blooming" into something else, it's not that I don't trust her, i don't trust HIM, like some guys don't give a poop of a girl has a b/f or not, I think maybe I should just trust her, and trust that she won't do that, it's a little difficult tho, when this person told you they fell out of love with you once before, even if she says she is 100% now of us. No her attitude doesn't bother me,

yes I know, that is a HUGE part of it, she didn't cheat on me, I think i might have to think about that a bit more next time it comes up, I guess time will help with this,

ok, so I got back together with my ex, I got over the fact that she had sex with another dude while we were broken up, but she is still friends with him, and like the other day I was over, and he called her, they all go out as a big group from work, but she keeps saying how he wants to meet me, I for one, do NOT want to meet the guy, the ONLY reason he wants to meet me is to give me a look, like a look that says "hey dude, I fuc*** your g/f" why else would he want to meet me, if i see him im gonna want to kill him, like just the fact that he wants to meet me and put it in my face like that, we got into a little fight about this last night, she was mad at me for "not having fun" b/c I was thinking about it, is it right if this bothers me? like her hanging out with him?? she kept saying they are just friends and that they all hang out in a group etc. it still kinda bugs me, when will it stop bugging me?? Should I just grow up and forget about it, b/c a similar thing happened to me, I didnt have sex with a girl, but she ended up in my bed when I woke up in the morning, and this was while we were going out, and she sorta became frineds with her, she explained it like this, 'look i know you did it, but there is no sense in being bitter about it, just move on, I know you love me, I rathet you f**k some girls brains out than fall in love with her," I really dont want this to keep bugging me and me always being a little bitter when she goes out with her friends, thoughts?

yeah everyone seems to think she is being manipulative, and making me feel sorry for her etc. to want/take her back, I was talking with a couple of friends about it last night, one was a girl, she and her b/f (now of 2 years) got back together after a similar thing, but well she didn't go off sleeping with some other guy, it was an email or something, but point is she was soooo glad that they got back together, then I was talking to one of my really good friends about it, he cheated on his gf and she took him back, he basically said if you love her than go for it, and he said that she didn't CHEAT on me, which is a big thing, yes she did do a stupid thing, but it wasn't while she was with me, and that has to count for something, even if it is very little, he also now told me the one time he did meet her, she did look a little crazy, like he said he could tell she was a little nuts, i guess i just have to make sure this doesn't happen again, like her going all insane drama on me, i think I am having difficulty figure out the difference between her maybe trying to do things to get attention, or doing these crazy things b/c of love, my buddy also told me that if she really tried to kill herself, she wouldn't have missed the car, and on top of that he doesn't believe it, b/c she has already told another person, she told me the other day, but I already knew that, since she told another good friend of mine, like if you really treid to kill yourself, why would you go around telling people??? unless it's for attention of course, point is I still love her, and I told her we can try and work on things, so I guess we will, it will take time, but maybe we can get it back to the way things were, at least a little bit, maybe better

i met with her today, she left me another note while I was at the gym, it was another memory of us, and then at the end of it said I will be at starbucks till 9 if you want to meet with me, I did, she was very happy and surprised that I showed up, we talked and talked she kept saying how she wants to try this again, and how she wants me to try too, so in the end i did agree to try things again with her, i told her that I will call her and talk to her later. so now my thoughts on this, yes she did crazy things, and I know she is crazy, (she gets it from her mother) she was fine when we were together, never showed this crazy side ever, I am not really worried about it right now, I want to try things but with a few things firmly in mind, 1) i am going to hang out with my friends a lot, and limit our time together as best I can to no more than 3-4 times a week, we were together too much the first time, it was fun then, but it was like we were an old married couple 2) going to have girlfriends, not g/fs but just friends that are girls, b/c that way I can see what other girls are like, not so I have a back up in case this happens again, but just so I know and am sure of this, (i mean she took a really bad route to find out how sure she is) 3) if she does anything stupid again, even kissing a guy on the lips, I will not think twice about things again, b/c quite frankly i think, at least right now, that I am not so attactched to her, that she is not the end of theworld, yes she is great, but she is not the be all and end all, so with all this in mind, i plan on eventually, trying things again with her, to see how they turn out! thanks for all the advice, and thoughts, it helped!!!! keep em coming!

She said the sex thing didn't mean anything, and that she stopped him after a few seconds, saying she couldn't do it, and that she was crying, It still bugs me, at the same time we weren't together, i have full opportunity to do the same i guess, anywho, heres some more stuff that has gone on, The next day, (Tuesday) i was at home, clearly didn't feel like going to work, so I didn't I stayed at home with the little brother, the whole time i was thinking about the situation, then my buddy calls, he works near me, so we usually hang out at lunches and stuff, he tells me that she called him and talked with him, saying she was sorry etc. my buddy told me that like she really cares for me, etc. and that she is really sorry, he kinda feels bad for her, THEN he tells me that she told him that after she left my house, she pulled over on the street and tried to jump out in front of a car, and then sreamed at the lady b/c she didn't hit her, (theres the crazy unstable part) then i continued to think about stuff, i went down to the lake to think about things, i came back she called, i picked up, she talked, said a lot of things, shes never gonna give up, she's sorry, she is sure now, etc. i just told her i needed some time to think about it, and that I would call her when I am ready to talk, she tried to weasel out of me when that would be, i said I didn't know... that was the end of the convo now today... I get to my car to get to work there is an envalope under my wiper, i drive to work, and read it, it's here telling me that she understands I need space, and that she will try her best, but every so often she will leave reminders of the good times we had, and that all those good times are not worth thrwoing away over some bad times, b/c what we had was perfect, there is a picture of her with 2 stuffed teddies I got here, and the stories along with them, it made me smile, i was happy, and I am glad he did this, i know I tell her I dont want her to do anything, but this shows that she cares, and I like it, I know that if she keeps doing these things, like little notes and stuff it will help me go back to her, what we had was great, (on a side not, her facebook profile is nuts now, she has under he what's shes doing "on a mission for XXXXX" and than under about me she wrote a whole thing about us and the situation, like i broke up with XXXX it's not worth throwing away, etc. you guys (in ref. to friends) know we were happier with each other, any bit helps, i found it nice again, like she is doing somethign, but like EVERYONE can see this, i dunno) I just want to fully be into this, i dont want to "tricked" into getting back with her, or do it out of pity Thoughts?

any one else think the sex thing is no big deal??? cuz i have a feeling that it will keep coming back to bug me all the time, whether or not we are back together