SoMuchLove

Yeah. She is gorgeous. Very gorgeous actually. I'm now pondering as to whether or not the guys even know she's married when she gets into a relationship with them. That is "Need To Know Information", so I'd think they would know.

That is the thought I've bee tryng to get at! I glad were able to say it. I thought to myself that it wouldn't be fair to any other guy they wanted to marry her because that's directly saying your not sure about them even if the guy loves her with all of his heart, accepts her for who she is and really wants to marry her. Needing to be somehow reassured or "safe" is not good.

So you agree that she should just get a divorce and just take risk rather than "toying" with the Marriage status? Because life is life and everything should just be taken as another experince right? Even if you marry 17 times[not saying she has, just throwing a number out there]

lol No! I'm not attempting to date her. I'm just curious about the scenario. what are you thoughts on this?

Hi I think this is interesting. I met a girl who says she's married, but still dates. She says she falls in love quickly so she wants to keep herself safe by keeping that status just so she won't marry every guy that asks her[i see she's not kidding about falling quickly]. She and her husband may as well not be married because he lives in an entire different state and they never contact each other. He doesn't even come to see the child they had together. Also, he cheated on her not even 5 months after they got married. I am curious as to what others think of this scenario and how you feel about it. It's confusing because she seems to hold marriage at a high standard and a low standard at the same time. It also seems she just wants to be 100% sure about the next guy she marries, but you can never be that sure. Once you get married, that doesn't say you will be together forever, but try to...

Hi poep85 I was wondering the same thing poep85. For me though, I am naturally flirty and friendly so I can't help but be a little "cute" to most girls I meet[as far as saying things like have you been up to besides being so gorgeous...] it's just who I am and I don't see a girl receiving a compliment as cheating in any form. I figure if I just hang out with her and be myself[while no longer having any intentions or expectations] it's in the air from there[as far as her breaking up with him and her possibly becoming interested in me]. I would say if you are naturally flirty there's no reason not to be around someone who has a bf. It won't have a negative effect because people like to know that other people still can think they are beautiful/like-able and tell them that even if they are in a relationship. If she feels your heavily fliriting, then she might be uncomfortable[depending on the type of person she is and how committed to her bf she really is] She may not even mind the flirting... the girl I talk to just likes that I make her laugh/blush with the things I say[i'm witty/charming] so she may think/know I have an interest without being 100% sure. It's not to say that the bf or gf is the only person allowed to be interested and show that they can be like-able. A guy can get compliments if he's in a relationship and so can a girl. It's not trying to "steal her away" but just being a fun person and just speaking your mind. Although because she has a boyfriend, don't want to get you heart too involved to the point she ends up becoming the object of your affections[another thing I learned the hard way as far as having feeling for the "rebound" girl] Telling her flat out you like her is something you/I may not want to do... subtley showing her isn't so bad... it's just natural to like people because it's not really a choice... just happens. To not be allowed to talk or associate with someone just because you like them is rediculous. Not that anyone here thinks that.. just felt the need to throw that out there... Just be social and fun. It's all we can do. Hi Puppeteer, I've heard what you said, but it's not like I'm clinging on to any hope that she'll come around[to an extent] We both can't deny the fact that possibility still exists. Will she marry the guy? From the way it sounds probably not. And If so, so what? Other girls are out there so it's not a problem. So that just means that any guy that talks to a girl through her life techincally has a chance even if she has a boyfriend[same vice versa]. Not a matter of moving on, but just stepping back and respecting that she has bf and just taking whatever card your dealt from there. Ever hear of cases where people are married and still fall in love with someone else? They end up in love with two people and end up having to choose. Some try to have both which in the end will most likely end with cheating and one person gets him/her or cheating and being left with no one. Not directly related to what is being discussed, but just an example of what I'm talking about...

Thanks This really helps a lot because I don't like to feel so conflicted or indescisive. I see that becoming a friend isn't truly a "death sentence" because if she really grows to like me, she would break up with him to be with me. At the same time, waiting around for that isn't a good idea[learned that the hard way] I suppose I will just be myself and just take whatever happens as just another experience. I'm a charming person so all that will allow me to do is see if I'm as charming as I think I am lol. I the meantime, I think I'm going to think less of dating her and just see it as hanging out with another person. Just too many friendzone experiences that made me think now if I see someone I'll just go for it[let them know I'm interested] so it doesn't happen again. I see the limits now ^_^

I have thought about this too. Another guy may end up doing the same thing to me if things were rocky. In a sense, it would be like I was just doing the exact same thing to myself which would really be a stomache-turning feeling. She should sort it out, but I don't want to be stuck as the friend. So should I just make mininmal contact and stay more of an aquaintance? My fear is the friendzone lol

I agree with you both. I guess I'm just tempted more than anything to do something I really know I shouldn't do. I have thought about "I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me" but the guy cheated on her and apparently I guess I felt that she deserves better because no one deserves to be betrayed[although I am no one to say some one does or doesn't deserve something] Rarely it comes along that I'm interested in someone so I guess I feel quick to "give it a shot" just because she's there. It may be a matter of me just becoming interested in somone else so I won't seem like she's the ONLY person I want to date right now. That will only make me want to keep chasing if it's just her. I think I just wanted to go for it mostly because I didn't want to be just a friend. I've never been in this situation so I didn't know how to handle it, although I did have a slight idea[she has a boyfriend=off limits] which is pretty much just simple logic. I also just didn't want to have the un-healthy attachment and end up being friends even though I seem to want more. Been down that road... don't want to go there again, but that's just apart of life I see now... can't always have what you want.

Hi I recently met a girl and I am interested in dating her. The only problem is she has a boyfriend. She tells me things are't going so well between them, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still together. However, I am unlcear as to why she is still with him even though she knows he cheated on her before[found a bra in his apartment that didn't belong to her] She says she loves him, but is not in love with him. To me, that sounds like she's giving room for anyone else she may come accross to be in love with them[deeper emotional connection]. Which is part of the reason that makes me want to chase. Well it conflicts me because I normally would not want to pursue a girl who is in a relationship out of respect and just accepting that I want what I can't have. I really would like to see myself being with her someday because I had liked her for awhile wanted to ask her out on a date for a long time. I dont want to keep talking to her and get stuck in the "friendzone" because I've had that initial interest in her. I guess it's a matter of living life for yourself and going for what you want. If I'm interested, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not[but if someone has a bf, I'm not gonna be they guy that makes attempts on a girl. I have that respect to know they are off limits... this is different because it seems she wants to break up but hasn't done it yet] I can just simply ask why she is still in the relationship, but I know the answer is that she must have at least some feelings left for him[despite the cheating]. I feel she should just end it rather than possibly end up under the status of "cheater"[assuming if something were to happen of course] All in all, I don't want to wait around for her to dump him and end up being just a friend at that point. All I plan on doing is just being myself and going with the moment. Any advice?

Hi Thanks! For a second I thought I was all alone on that one lol I suppose the more I do it, the less awkward it will feel. I'll work on it Happy Holidays to you as well!

It's okay Rozi All I have to say is everyone is the same. No matter how attractive or unattractive the person may be, much can't be assumed about the person until they are approached[i admit I've met a some attractive women who openly admit they are conceited and treat ya like your just some other guy in line... which I'm never going to allow myself to be because of self-respect... lets not forget the some attractive men can be just as arrogant because the attention that the get from girls goes to their head and they become studs simply because that's whe kind of attention girls give them and it just happens over time] I'm really pushing that girls just have more confidence because guy or girl, attractive or un-attractive it's still the same thing in my book. We all can get nervous so we can just "help" each other out by going off of interest rather than what role you play in this dumb game called Society. Roles in society shouldn't matter, but they do and that will never change... sorry for saying this, but women don't want to be as equal as I thought. I feel it should be in every way, not just ways involving politics and other matters. So it seems like I have to drop my equality mind set... to an extent of course. In short, no ones ever too good for you! It's just a matter of you approaching them if you have interest[or even if you don't have interest] Keep in mind they may not approach you... but they may want to but are intimidated by you... attractiveness doesn't mean they have all the confidence they "should" have so all we can do as people is just go for it!>_^ "Are girls intimidated by attractive men?" The majority seems to be, but everyone is different.

That's true we are at a dis-advantage, but since I started his thread, I learned we won't have it as "easy", but it's not something to be so down about. Seems all we can do is work more on being bold, and approaching more women than average in order to get any results... no matter how few the results may be. There are women out there who like us, we just have to work harder to find them Just have to turn that negative energy you get from being turned down and use it as a fuel to ensure success in the future. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Don't let what doesn't kill you make you weaker.

Hi Laura, you've got me all wrong... This is not the case at all to be honest. I don't think they should flock to me, but rather approach me sometimes rather than never. Keep in mind that I'm in no way conceited. I don't think anything of myself other than people treat me different because of how I look and it's not fair[as far as it's always on my hand to make the moves which I recently learned I need to work on from this post] I see have have to ALWAYS be confindent now. Kinda like I'm some kind d*** simply because I want to know what it's like to be approached for a change. What I mean is that to say that even if I wanted to talk to a girl with no intentions at all, why should the guys "always" initiate? Confidence should not even be a factor, but more of two people just conversing. I may be attractive, but I'm not a very confident guy a majority of the time. It's like if a guy randomly talks to a girl they're going to date or be romantic. Maybe I can't change culture, but I like a women with confidence I guess[to make up fo the lack I may have in situations.. kinda like meeting halfway] Also, I view sexes as equals in every way so I think it really "childish" that things work out this way in all honesty. I just get so confused as why it can be hard for a girl to just walk up to a guy for change, but I know why at the same time. Guys can be shy sometimes no matter how attractive they are and we all know it's the same story with girls. Gals have it way too easy lol. So I'm no stud... just a some-what shy guy stuck with nice looks who needs to improve on being the "Alpha Male" to get any attention from the opposite sex^_^" Maybe I'm wrong to challange society, but I've always walked my own line so I just highly disagree with "the rules" and they way things "have to be". Everything is equal in my eyes, but seems like my eyes must really suck lol. So all I can do is just go with the wave rather than trying to fight through it... I don't think anything but "I'm human and so is she. She can approach me just like I can approach her. I may be nervous. she may be too. Equals...". I'm not to big on rolling out the red carpet I guess... equality is all I see, but I'm going to change that. As the male, it's seems it's my "duty" to always be on the "attack". It appears my "wanting to be approached for a change" is a childish way of thinking now because the guy should ALWAYS approach the girl... even if the girl is interested in the guy[oddly]. So hate to admit it, but I'm giving in to society. I will attempt speak to every girl I see that I'm interested in/shows interest in me[easier said than done] and keep everyone updated on how things turn out ^_^ Hi denisemarie I'm sure your right. It would be best [as the guy] to make things easy for her just by simply approaching her. I get nervous too, but making things easy for her seems to be the more "gentlemen-like" thing to do. I just have to be "a man" lol... Plus, I haven't stopped to consider she may be more nervous than myself so I am glad you mentioned this. I'm sensing many double-standards on this topic lol...

Hi For some reason, I've found that lately I'm not very good at holding conversations over the phone at all. I'm a social easy-going person, but when I speak over phone I just kinda freeze up and have nothing to say. I feel like because I can't see the emotion or reaction of the other person, it just feels really weird for me. I'm much more comfortable person to person. It even feels weird talking to family members on the phone. Not so much as I don't know what to say, but it just always feels very awkward. Anyone else feel the same? And any advice to make phone conversations feel less weird?