The First Twelve Months of Life

Excerpted from
The First Twelve Months of Life: Your Baby's Growth Month by Month
By Frank Caplan, Theresa Caplan

The birth of your baby begins a fascinating year of adventure for both of you, a year in which your infant learns basic rules of physical control, thought, socializing, and communicating. A baby is extraordinarily dependent on his parents in comparison to most infant animals. The imbalance between a baby's senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch and his virtual physical inadequacy often frustrate baby and parents. Luckily, he is given enough time to learn the complicated essentials of being human while he is still protected.

Infancy is a spectacular time in life. In the next twelve months, you will see your baby changing faster and working harder than at any other period in his life. He has a great deal to learn. In about half that time the little being you see now will probably begin to sit alone, reach for and grasp a toy, recognize a familiar face, smile, laugh, and hold up his end of a conversation with you by cooing and babbling. By the year's end, he will stand, probably walk, handle a toy or a spoon, say a few words, and, being a sociable person, distinguish the people in his life from the strangers, and form strong attachments to some of them. He even will have settled down to a routine of three meals a day, an afternoon nap, and sleeping through the night. He will have learned that something heard is something to see, that things seen may be grasped, and that things have permanence even when they are out of hand and sight. He will have begun to understand what part of the world is "him" and what part is not, and how to influence both parts.

How is all this accomplished? To some extent, it is a natural process of unfolding with the same sequences of stages occurring in all babies the world over. Development follows a head-down-to-toes direction. Eye muscles come under control first, then the facial muscles, neck muscles, and finally the trunk and the legs. Development also follows a center-outward -to-fingertips direction. At one stage your baby will wave his arms, use them to help him sit, and reach for toys hung over his crib. At a later stage, he will control his wrist, fingers, and thumb so that he can pick up and release things precisely.

There are variations, however, in the time at which these stages occur. Not all babies smile, sit, or reach out at exactly the same age. Do not expect your baby to conform to any rigid schedule of development. Be aware that every baby develops at his own rate, in his own style, and each is an individual.

A baby is born into the world with basic needs and drives. He wants to survive and he wants to fit into his environment. Even very young infants actively seek stimulation. Far from being passive, babies strive to master their environment and to identify with it. What happens to these drives is a product of the exchanges between every baby's unique heredity and his world.

From the moment of birth, individual differences are apparent that determine the reactions of parents to their offspring. Babies can be individual enough to want to practice their budding skills alone sometimes. Not only do they not need mother or father around, on occasion they actually do not want them. On the other hand, your baby may seem to want constant cuddling. In the early weeks, differences are less obvious than the similarity of every baby's needs, and of his responses when needs are or are not met.

The mother and father are the most critical influence in their infant's first year of life. In fact, they are their baby's primary teachers. They nurture their baby to the best of their ability, in a loving atmosphere, so that he has a good head start. They appreciate that coping with the uncertainties of later life requires suitable preparation. Children learn positive ethical and social values from their parents.

It is for these reasons and many others that this book is addressed to mothers and fathers. Both should choose the obstetrician, clinic, or health-care system for the prenatal period of their fetus. The father needs to make certain that he will be able to attend the birth, even if it is suddenly a cesarean one. He can play the major role in the support of his wife before, during, and after the birth of their baby.

The prepared childbirth movement, Lamaze for one, has furthered the active, educated involvement of the father. The obstetrician, midwife, or maternity nursing staff are encouraging the overwhelmed new father to look at, touch, and hold his wonderful baby. He learns the techniques of diapering and bottle-feeding before his wife and baby are ready to leave the hospital or the birthing center.

The quality of parenting and the interactions between parents and baby in the earliest weeks substantially determine how far development in the first year will progress. Clearly, a child whose environment allows him to develop to his fullest intellectual potential, and provides a happy, stimulating, and healthy childhood in which the capacity to love and to be loved is rewardingly learned through his earliest interactions with his parents will fare the best.

There are no strict rules to parenting. Your individual reactions, common sense, and intuition may be as right as the idealized suggestions of an "authority" may be wrong. Our parents used to be told not to pick up an infant or cuddle him; too much attention and handling would "spoil" him. Today we realize that when parents enjoy playing with their baby, it not only gives the baby pleasure, it sets a precedent for his deriving satisfaction from his relationships with other people. Each baby becomes a special experience for all parents. Young parents do better to chart their own behavior from the cues set out for them by their baby. The broad outlines of growth and development are universal, but the details have to be inscribed for each baby by parents who are sensitively responsive to his particular needs at each stage of his life.

Once parents recognize the wide range of normal infant behavior, they will better understand the how and why of each step in development that this book describes. It helps to know that their baby's state - whether he is crying, drowsy, active, or alert - influences his responses during the hectic first three months far more than it does later on; also, that a baby cries not because he is angry at mother or father; rather, he is frustrated by his inability to grapple with elements in a world he is gradually becoming aware of. Parents in the United States need to know more about child care. Without the guidance and support of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins of yesteryear's extended family, they are alone with their baby for long stretches of time.

Besides stressing the role and value of parent-child interactions, and the importance and influence of the environment, each chapter in this book features a special event most likely to appear in that or a neighboring month, even though the topic may be touched on elsewhere. We have not portrayed an "average" mean because the averages were computed decades ago and, again, because we have tried also to acquaint you with the vast individual differences among normal babies. Because the human infant is so changeable and "unknown," we have gleaned information from books, articles, monographs, research reports, and professional papers.

Infancy research is exciting, informative, and challenging. However, its research tools continue to be tentative. The strict model of laboratory settings based on structured, inflexible test situations oftentimes blurs the child's vital individuality. Therefore, we have chosen to mellow this book with the seasoned, long-term observations of outstanding scientists and pediatricians.

We cannot repeat too often that this book describes a sequence, not a timetable. Within that general framework, you and your baby will have to discover what "works" for him.

Whether you are new parents or "old hands," we would like to give you a feeling for both your infant and his world that will help you experience and enjoy him together. At the same time, we hope we can help you feel less hesitant and more sure of yourselves as mothers and fathers than our parents' generation. Parents who give of themselves and respect their children as individuals can say no as well as yes, and can confidently let go of them at the right time. In the meantime, we want to assist you in choosing a personal style of learning and living with your baby by offering you the wide spectrum of normal and expected infant behaviors and infant-rearing practices.

Raising children entails joys, frustrations, hard work, and assorted problems of minor or major proportions. Although it is not necessary to be a "perfect" parent, to be a "good enough" parent requires knowledge, patience, and experience. Parents benefit from understanding the ages and stages of the physical, emotional, and mental growth all children go through on their innate timetables. Growth cannot be pushed. The sequence of the stages of human development is more or less constant; it is the timing that is purely personal. The great spurts in coordination and learning that occur during the first twelve months of life are not replicated in the same degree and intensity in later years.

We hope that this revised and updated edition of The First Twelve Months of Life will help you both enjoy this challenging time together.