Learning to Reconnect with Your Father through Understanding His Relationship With His Dog

When our parents make references to the relationships they have with their own pets, it can be an uncomfortable reminder of the lack of connection we share with them. My father was no exception. From a young age, he told me he wished our relationship was more like his relationship with his dog. If I’m honest, his statement made me resentful—I felt like it suggested he found more joy and comfort in his companion animal than he did in nurturing a relationship with me, his son.

Looking back, I now understand why the comparison can be so powerful. As much as we might deny it, a lot of us are seeking the same thing from our human relationships as we do from our animal companions—unconditional love and acceptance. Human relationships, however, involve so much more complexity. People’s emotions aren’t always simple and straightforward, so when intentions and feelings get misinterpreted, misunderstandings too easily arise.

That is why learning to understand and accept each other’s “language” is an important part of any healthy relationship. In my case, even though my dad never said exactly what he meant by his comment, I realized if I listened carefully and paid attention to what he was saying, it became clear that he was expressing a common sentiment—a longing for a mutually trusting and understanding relationship with me.

With this newfound knowledge, I knew I wanted to grow closer with my dad. I wish he would have opened up and spoke more freely about the nature of his feelings, but the only way forward was to reach out and share with him how his words affected me. That started with me being open and honest about how I felt and trying to see his perspective. He responded positively and began to share some of his experiences with his dog that helped shed light on our relationship.

One of the issues he touched on was how both of us had trouble connecting with each other. Connections can be hard to carry out when there is an emotional barrier present. His dog, however, could always provide a sense of comfort and understanding when communication stumbled. We both agreed that the non-judgmental nature of animals has a special power to foster strong bonds.

Through these kinds of conversations, I learned more about my dad than I could have ever imagined. I recognized that immense love and respect ran deep in his admiration for his dog. All he asked was to bestow the same type of unconditional love and affection he gave to his pet onto our relationship. He yearned for each of us to approach and connect with each other with an open heart and an earnest effort toward understanding the other person.

The impact of these conversations was life changing. Not only did they bring my father and I closer together, but they ultimately provided some clarity in how to develop deeper connections and foster meaningful relationships with those around me. In hindsight, my father’s comment—which initially invoked resentment—ultimately served to open an opportunity to reconnect both with him and with the power of relationships.