Coming to Terms With Feeling Envious as a Working Parent

Working while caring for a baby is an admirable feat of multitasking that many new mothers are called to do. The long hours at the office taken away from the little one can leave moms feeling guilty; like they are shortchanging their maternal role. When a husband is fortunate enough to be able to stay home with the baby, it can be easy for a wife to quickly grow envious.

With all these feelings of envy and guilt circulating, it’s important to take time and care to handle each situation properly. Doing so will ensure that neither spouse feels severely diminished. So what steps should a wife take when this dilemma comes to pass?

First and foremost, communication is key. Though it may feel embarrassing or uncomfortable to openly discuss those pesky and complicated jealousies, it’s better to hash out any displeasure in an honest and mature manner. If understanding is not an instinctual attribute of a couple, then it can be helpful to attend counseling sessions with a trusted and knowledgeable practitioner.

Second, the husband and wife have to rely on constructive actions, not harmful ones. This means that the husband needs to take time to recognize his wife’s hard work and continue to provide her with appreciation throughout the day. This might mean sending occasional sweet messages letting her know she is loved and thought about, even though she is not physically present. For the wife, her contributions to the family can still be recognized; just because she works does not mean she is less of a mother. Each person should strive to exhibit acts of kindness in order to show their love for each other.

In addition to the communication and the actionable empathy from both the husband and wife, the wife must learn how to feel comfortable in the “new world order”. Blaming your spouse or yourself will not make matters better, or offer a solution. Instead, try to reframe the situation; focus on being both grateful that you have the ability to work, and fulfilled in the knowledge that you are able to provide a better life for your family.

It’s also worth noting that no matter how good the intentions or the emotional investments are, it’s normal to feel jealous at times – both of the spouse’s role and of the ease with which they seem to make it work. That doesn’t mean you aren’t able to handle whatever task has been entrusted to you.

It’s important to recognize that these situations can be chaotic, but there are potential solutions boiling beneath the surface. It's required that both parties remain patient with one another and extend each other grace. It won’t always be easy, but the end result will be well worth the effort of working through the struggles now.