Does She Have to Tell Her Husband She Miscarried?

The question of whether or not a woman has to tell her husband she has miscarried is a difficult and complex one. The answer depends on the individual couple and their relationship—their communication, their long-term plans, and more. It can be difficult to tell even close family members and friends who are not a couple, let alone a spouse. Even so, in some cases, it may be beneficial to disclose this information with your husband if it is done in a compassionate and supportive way.

Dealing with the physical and emotional crisis of a miscarriage and considering how to handle the situation with your partner can be an overwhelming experience. Grief and sorrow is a natural part of miscarriage and each couple needs to come together to help each other process it. The pain, no matter the stage of the pregnancy, is real regardless the size of the baby. Different partners grieve differently and being able to openly discuss the pain and anguish can bring healing and comfort.

For some couples a miscarriage is too emotionally overwhelming to bear, others worry about the impact that it will have on the marriage. The decision as to whether or not to disclose the information to your partner should be a personal one and your worries should not diminish the importance of telling the truth. While the news of a miscarriage can appear devastating, it’s important to remember that many couples have gone through this and come out stronger than ever before.

In some cases, the ability to open up and be vulnerable is key to a healthy relationship and can bring couples closer. Vulnerability helps couples to connect and allows them to share feelings authentically. In addition, if you and your partner have led yourself to believe you two were “meant to be” or “would be together forever” confessing the news of the miscarriage can be a scary idea. Transparency is key to allowing your spouse to enter into the reality of the situation and enables both of you to start planning for the future.

On the other hand, it may be advisable to consider the frailties of your relationship and whether disclosing the news could cause further disruption. If a couple does not have a solid foundation of trust, recovery from a miscarriage can be a challenge as it deepens the sense of vulnerability within the relationship. Furthermore, if the husband is not supportive or receptive to the news it may lead to an unhealthy dynamic of guilt and blame from the wife.

The decision whether or not to tell your husband lies with you. There is no right or wrong whether to choose tell your husband or keep it to yourself. Whatever your decision, seeking out counselling, therapy, and support services can help you and your husband work through the grief and emotions of the situation. The ability to communicate emotions, thoughts, and ideas is essential for couples dealing with a miscarriage but what should be avoided is criticism, judgment, and any type of blaming.

If you have decided you want to share the news of the miscarriage with your spouse it is important to be prepared for questions and queries. Many people feel guilty or ashamed their body was unable to carry a child to full term, so it is important to assure your husband that miscarriages are incredibly common and should not be associated with guilt or blame. Sharing your emotions about the situation can give your husband the opportunity to show his caring side and can provide a positive space for both of you to heal and grieve together.