Looking for help to decide go with A or B!

This site has helped me a lot, even I am still sinking and struggling!

I have an another difficult dicision need to be made in the next couple days, I have been thinking about it for the past 2 weeks. I have very little days to left to make my choice, it is tough when you are in it, so I turn to here for help, thanks!

It is at workplace, I have working partner A, he told me he loves me, I told him I don't have the feeling for him. I knew how painful it is to suffer, so I want him to be free.

Now I have choice to work with A or I could work with new patner B.

A and I work well together and we see each other as trust friend, but now I reject him. A said he still wants to work with me, still treats me as a friend.

The problems are:

1. Can he handle me as a friend? I mentioned to him if he wants to to get over me quick, better not to work together, but none likes to work with his new partner, I guess he rather to work with me.

2. The boss initially knows that I will work with new partner B (The boss doesn't know what happended, I didn't bring up the changing partner thing, A did and now he regreated it.) The boss gave ok to changing partner and he already informed B. If I stay with A, what wil the boss think?

3. B and I had a brife talk about the new coming working partnership, we said to each other that we like to work together. If I change, what am I going to say to B?

4. I told my best friend and family the situation, they suggest I work with B. A has talked with me for the past days, and got me think that we could still work together and still be friends. But what can I say to my best friend and my partents?

Why I am strugging and need some help:

1. A and I are friends, even now, we can still talk openly. But I am not sure if he is able to stick to friendship or just he doesn't want me to go away. If we change new partner, then we will work on different schedules, we won't see each other basically.

2. I am kind of don't want to lose a friend, since he insists we still work together, if I change to work with B, it really hurts his feeling again.

3. I never worked with B before, so I am not sure.

4. What can I face my boss and my other co-workers? Since some of them heard that a change on my partner, little stories have been out there, I guess. If I stay with A again, people might think we both got carried away, but I don't. And I care my reputation at work, I like to keep it professional.

5. A still wants to work with me, we are friends, now I hurt him once by rejecting him, if I decide to not work with him, I hurt him twice. And I may just end the friendship by my own hand. I am always very friendly and be nice to others, it is tough for me to do so.

Should I work with A or B? Thanks for help! A is waiting me to confirm, so he will let the boss know that we havd talked and want to work together. If I don't say I want to work with A again, at about next few days, the boss may put me with B without asking again. Because the boss and I already talked twice, at those 2 time little talking, I already said I would rather work with B.

To be honest, I don't see how we're supposed to advise you. You haven't told us the advantages or disadvantages of working with A or B.

In fact, the entire decision making seems to be based on A not being over you - from which I suppose we're meant to assume this will make working together WHAT? difficult? Also, are we supposed to assume B isn't be interested in you?

What other reasons are there?

My advice:

(1) be selfish - just decide who YOU would prefer to work with and stop worrying about what A, B, or your boss thinks.

(2) stop being afraid - it's tiring

(3) use the app link removed.

I would work with B and let A down by pointing out that personal feelings have gotten in the way of what was supposed to be a professional relationship and friendship only. And that you think it's best to give him space to move on emotionally before you both try working together again.

Yes, it will hurt A, but typically when someone tells you they have feelings, you reject them, and they keep insisting that you stay in contact and stay friends it's because they have other motives. They usually have the rather frantic idea that sooner or later you'll reciprocate their feelings if only you stay in touch and see how amazing they are, etc. And it can get really ugly if you should develop an outside romantic interest in someone else, having to fend off advances on a late night project etc. etc.

Nope, B is the better choice at this point. A needs time away from you to heal and get his head together and back in the work game instead of viewing work partners as potential romance partners.

And I don't mean to be harsh, but I've been on both sides of this very situation. Putting space between the two of you is by far the best thing for both of you.

To be honest, I don't see how we're supposed to advise you. You haven't told us the advantages or disadvantages of working with A or B.

 

In fact, the entire decision making seems to be based on A not being over you - from which I suppose we're meant to assume this will make working together WHAT? difficult? Also, are we supposed to assume B isn't be interested in you?

 

What other reasons are there?

 

My advice:

(1) be selfish - just decide who YOU would prefer to work with and stop worrying about what A, B, or your boss thinks.

(2) stop being afraid - it's tiring

(3) use the app link removed.

Never work with B, so he is not interested in anything beside work, I don't have any intension to creat story at workplace, I don't, I love my job.

(A) advantages: know each other, we are friends at work, he put extra affect to help me at work.

disadvantages: not sure we still can be friend, not sure what others would think about me.

(B) advantage: He seems the same type person of me, friendly

disadvantage: never work with him before, hope it will be ok.

Background: Both A and B are more senior than me, in term of experience and position. Part of my job replies on either one of them, they are not my supervisor, but they are kind of like mentor and I need them to sign my paper. I hope they don't give me the hard time, then I would be stuck. We usually don't change partners, once you are pair up, that it's.

Thanks again!

Thanks Paris! Yeah, that's what I am worried about. I found I have hard time to say no and it causes a lot problems to myself, I will stop A gone to see the boss to keep me with him.

Things I think you need to consider are:

- A has been friendly but this might have been because he was interested

- If people rarely change partners, then how is it B is without a partner?

- how have other people found working with B

- if people don't change partners often, people are likely to speculate, which might not be good for you or A.

Without more info, I'd go with B. A was rash enough to tell your boss he wanted to change. This was his first instinct - it was probably the right one. You've already discussed the move with B. If A can't handle it, you'll regret not switching.

But again, I recommend you use the app Unstuck - it's available online.

Things I think you need to consider are:

- A has been friendly but this might have been because he was interested

- If people rarely change partners, then how is it B is without a partner?

- how have other people found working with B

- if people don't change partners often, people are likely to speculate, which might not be good for you or A.

 

Without more info, I'd go with B. A was rash enough to tell your boss he wanted to change. This was his first instinct - it was probably the right one. You've already discussed the move with B. If A can't handle it, you'll regret not switching.

 

But again, I recommend you use the app Unstuck - it's available online.

Thanks! I will take a look, what's Unstuck?

1. Yeah, A treats others so so, he treats me good, maybe because that reason.

2. I have chatted with 2 co-workers, one is B's partner by now, he is leaving for a new job and has worked with both A and B, and he said they are both good. Another coworker likes B more.

3. I never worked with B, so I cant tell how he treats others, but he seems friendly.

4. People started to talk already, and that's why I am worry about my reputation if I don't work with B. At least now people are thinking what he did, but if I stop the change partner thing, people might think I got carried away as well.

Thanks again! The more to talk about it, it is clearer to me. Just every time A talked me, I feel difficult to stop hime to talk to the boss, kind of sad to lose a friend. sign....

Thanks everyone!

I talked to A and I will work with B.

Just a closure and update:

I will start to work with B soon and I got emails from A, saying that he just cant see me as a friend.

Thanks for everyone helping me to make the right choice! Now I avoid this kind of problem at work and I can focus on my job.