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Thread: My boyfriend needs time to think and clear his head?

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend needs time to think and clear his head?

    I am here to vent and get some opinions about my situation.

    I have been dating a guy for 7 months. We have had our ups and downs mostly because he just moved here and has 2 jobs, works 7 days a week but doesnt make good money but wants a family and kids right now. I have told him we need to take things slow and work towards getting a place together, and work on getting him a better job as he cant even handle the bills he has now and is living with his cousin for $400/mo. I have stayed by his side, then he started getting into financial problems and i have helped him out of those but he continues to do it. His cousin left for a month and he had the burden of coming up woth $1000 for the rent for the month. He got really stressed out over that. He has had problems at his job because of his excessive cell phone use and tardiness. So he started to really stress. Then one night he caused me some heartache by playing mind games and ignoring me and hitting on a girl RIGHT in front of me. I cut off contact with him for a couple days and he BEGGED for another chance and told me he couldnt do this alone and loves me so much and it wasnt him and that he was just overwhelmed. He also said that he was hurt because I keep telling him he needs to get his stuff together and his parents always told him that and he didnt think i would do it, that he expected me to hold him up and be there for support. From the beginning he "fell in love with me" for 7 months he has always told me how much he loves me and always talked about family and how much he wants kids. He said that i was the love of his life, that he couldnt ever be with anyone else. He was in a 10 year relationship and he told me that he loves me more than he could have ever imagined loving her. He always said he would always treat me good and never leave or hurt me. On and on......basically nothing but pure love words and promises. He was always blowing my phone up, we talked daily. If he didnt hear from me he would send txt after txt or call. I always responded unless i was super busy or sleeping of course. I talked to him Thursday and he said lets get a place and get this going I love you with all my heart and I wanna just be together. I said ok, so we planned to spend the weekend together and get online, look for jobs for him and places to live. I finally let my guard down and gave in. I have been hurt and kinda had a big wall up so as not to get hurt, but after 7 months of this, i said its time for me to take a leap! So i did....well....All of a sudden Friday day I barely hear from him.....I ask him whats up, he says nothing im just stressed and busy at work. So i meet up at his house Friday he comes over and spends the night. He tells me he cant spend the weekend with me because he offered to watch a co-workers dog so she could go see her BF in another town. I was hurt! we had planned this weekend together for 3 weeks, but made it official the night before as to the plans....I was gonna cook him a nice home cooked meal...job/house hunt and just have a relaxing romantic weekend. I didnt hear from him all day saturday or saturday night.

    I said fine...and left it aty that and went to a friends bbq. Well he showed up, so i left. i wasnt very happy with him. He then showed up at my house, then got frustrated with me and left. He yelled at me Sunday saying that i kicked him while he was down by getting on him about needing to get it together. Anyway, i havent talked to him since so yesterday I sent him a txt and told him that i hoped he understands but that the silence is odd and i understand something was up, but that i deserved an explanation after all i have done because i am confused and i need some sort of closure so I can move on. I asked him to please nto ignore me and hear me out. His response was "again, i am not ignoring you , I was busy..sorry" So i replied and said, so are you going to call so we can talk this out? He said "I will just not right now, i need to think and clear my head." I didnt respond and havent heard from him since. I am just kinda lost, confused, heart borken and dont even know what to do or what is going on........anyway...i feel like i should just let him go....but its really weighing on me..the silence is just lame. I mean from all these i love you's and cant live without you, to NOTHING?!?! Should I just let go?

    PS- sorry for the long post i was just trying to get it all in there so you can give some advice. Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
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    It sounds to me like your boyfriend has A LOT to deal with regarding himself and needs time ALONE to organise his life.

    Do not take what he says to heart, it's not you, but I tell you one thing the telling him he needs to get things together can only come across as controlling and motherly and to be honest that's a putt off to any guy, even though you have his best interests at heart, it don't matter. Rather allow him to have this space, he will appreciate that.

    Don't understand him trying it on with this girl, can you elaborate?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member markie6's Avatar
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    He does sound like he needs to get his act together. However if he is now sitting back thinking, and not communicating TO YOU , it's possible he could be on his way. Of course you not knowing this means you're going to be hanging around waiting while he sorts his head out. Don't wait around. All his stress seems to be self induced.

    I would be letting him go , he seems aimless for somebody who is supposedly in a hurry to have kids. Right now you are getting the silent treatment. You need to prepare yourself for it being over.
    Donít you dare remember me the moment I start forgetting you.

    If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will

    It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black

  4. #4
    Bronze Member trixi's Avatar
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    Agree with Markie ..........

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    I know and thats what i have been preparing myself for, the hard part to swallow is ONE DAY literally he went from i cant live without you to....silence. The only time I get on him for his problems was when he was wanting to get a place and have kids NOW and i told him he needed to get on track...he would then like 2 days lter start whining about how he overdrew his account and had no money and he would freak out...so i would calm him down and help him out...I would give him money and pull him out. I did this 5 times...then finally said he needed to figure it out on his own...that I would be there for him for support but that i couldnt give him anymore money. Unless he is doing drugs there is NO WAY he can not have enough money to pay his rent and small bills that he has. He has no drive to search for jobs and said he needed my help...so I tried to help but he never followed through to submit the apps. Tpo me, if he was serious about starting a life with me, then he would be more motivated to make it that way. I also forgot to mention I have a 5 year old daughter and a roommate and Cant afford things on my own while also raising a daughjter and if he cant take up his end of the bargain.....well.....that was what was said in a nice way.

    Cranny-- It was a typo, he was hitting on another girl right in front of me and she was trying to get him to stop and he wouldnt and so i left and he got all sad the next day and sobby because i wouldnt talk to him and he begged me for another chance...over and over and over again and promised me the world. He blamed it on being drunk and me hurting his feelings by "pushing him to better himself when he knows what he needs to do". well its been 7 months and NOTHING has happened or changed. He's screwing up his job and his relationship with his cousin whom he cant even come up with all the rent most of the time for him. I didnt push the subject anymore just told him I would be there for him and wouldnt push him anymore. This was about a month ago...and things were great.

    I know what i need to do, i am just getting outside opinions, as it is hard to grasp him going from one EXTREME literally to the next in one day....is there someone else? A few friends suggested drugs.....who knows. I will give him his space for sure. When i felt he was distant a little about a week ago (actually the tuesday before last), i asked him what was wrong and that i wanted to helpif something was bothering him....and that i wanted to sit down and talk kinda clear the air so that we can focus on the positives....he said "HE** yes! Communication is key and i'd love to talk about things baby." But then turned around and said nothing has changed, what i am going through has nothing to do with you or us. We have been doing great for the last few months....then thursday (a week and 2 days later)...it all changed. No communication what so ever, no contact...barely here and there and only if I txt him and wish him a good day he would come back with a very vague response. When normally just a weeks ago it would be "thanks you babe, i am doing good how areis your day...?" or soemthing along those lines....and it went from "I love you baby"....to "Luv u babe" via txt.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jesssica View Post
    I know and thats what i have been preparing myself for, the hard part to swallow is ONE DAY literally he went from i cant live without you to....silence. The only time I get on him for his problems was when he was wanting to get a place and have kids NOW and i told him he needed to get on track...he would then like 2 days lter start whining about how he overdrew his account and had no money and he would freak out...so i would calm him down and help him out...I would give him money and pull him out. I did this 5 times...then finally said he needed to figure it out on his own...that I would be there for him for support but that i couldnt give him anymore money. Unless he is doing drugs there is NO WAY he can not have enough money to pay his rent and small bills that he has. He has no drive to search for jobs and said he needed my help...so I tried to help but he never followed through to submit the apps. Tpo me, if he was serious about starting a life with me, then he would be more motivated to make it that way. I also forgot to mention I have a 5 year old daughter and a roommate and Cant afford things on my own while also raising a daughjter and if he cant take up his end of the bargain.....well.....that was what was said in a nice way.

    Cranny-- It was a typo, he was hitting on another girl right in front of me and she was trying to get him to stop and he wouldnt and so i left and he got all sad the next day and sobby because i wouldnt talk to him and he begged me for another chance...over and over and over again and promised me the world. He blamed it on being drunk and me hurting his feelings by "pushing him to better himself when he knows what he needs to do". well its been 7 months and NOTHING has happened or changed. He's screwing up his job and his relationship with his cousin whom he cant even come up with all the rent most of the time for him. I didnt push the subject anymore just told him I would be there for him and wouldnt push him anymore. This was about a month ago...and things were great.

    I know what i need to do, i am just getting outside opinions, as it is hard to grasp him going from one EXTREME literally to the next in one day....is there someone else? A few friends suggested drugs.....who knows. I will give him his space for sure. When i felt he was distant a little about a week ago (actually the tuesday before last), i asked him what was wrong and that i wanted to helpif something was bothering him....and that i wanted to sit down and talk kinda clear the air so that we can focus on the positives....he said "HE** yes! Communication is key and i'd love to talk about things baby." But then turned around and said nothing has changed, what i am going through has nothing to do with you or us. We have been doing great for the last few months....then thursday (a week and 2 days later)...it all changed. No communication what so ever, no contact...barely here and there and only if I txt him and wish him a good day he would come back with a very vague response. When normally just a weeks ago it would be "thanks you babe, i am doing good how areis your day...?" or soemthing along those lines....and it went from "I love you baby"....to "Luv u babe" via txt.
    Ok...read it all. He is a waste of time. He is in his own mess and it's not up to you to sort that. You know what you need to do.

    7 months? long enough for feelings to progress but in the grand scheme of things...not that long... Maybe it's time to break free.
    Last edited by Coconut Twin; 04-12-2012 at 04:17 PM.

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    7 mnths isnt long, but I really fell for this guy and beleived everything he told me...all the promises he made me. It took me a while to let my guard down to anyone, and not to mention he seemed to be everything i wanted...we liked the same music, food etc...our personalities were like perfect match. He wants the same things i wanted, he was around my age which i have always dated way older guys....we had just sooo much in common and the spark was totally there...and I could see it in his eyes! and feel it! then all of s sudden it felt like it wasnt there, and i asked him and told him my feelings and reassured me it was just he was stressed and exhausted from working 7 days a weeks, getting no where and no time for himself to enjoy his life. So it all just hurts....I feel abandoned from the love that i felt...I miss it

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    He's only interested in you helping him out financially. He's in it for the money, honey. Once you see that, please kick him to the side of the curb.

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    So everything he said was a lie? I didnt start helping him til recently...everything was still the same before the money was given to him....but maybe emotionally he used me....and since he doesnt know anyone here as i met him 3 days after he moved here. UGHHHH! Thanks everyone for your input...more is welcome

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    PS---its also good to hear guys' opinions on this!

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