For the past couple of weeks I keep having dreams about my ex lover and my ex best friend. It's driving me crazy.
About a year ago, I was in a messed up relationship with this guy, where we would be together physically but he wouldn't commit because he didn't have feelings for me. I was totally in love with him and it broke my heart when he ended it with me and started seeing another girl. We remained friends. At the same time my best friend since birth became friends with a girl who hated me. She also started hitting on the guy who I mentioned previously. It absolutley broke my heart and about six months ago I was diagnosed with depression. I've been through therapy and am on anti-depressants. I finally cut off contact with both of them. I have new friends and have started seeing other guys. I'm in a really good place! I finally feel as if I'm not longer in love with this guy... but!
I keep dreaming about him. In every dream we have the biggest arguments. But in some dreams we are kissing and touching before we have the arguments.I tell him how angry I feel and how he used me and that I hate him. I guess that in real life I am angry with him, in fact it's probably one of the reasons I finally got over him, but I don't understand why I keep dreaming about him (especially with kissing) when I want nothing to do with him.
here's some examples from the past week...
1) I dreamt that I was at some weird shack and we were messing around on a bed. All of a sudden we start kissing and we are having dry sex. He takes off my underwear and all of a sudden he thrusts really hard and he's inside me. For a second I can't move because of the pain and I cry out. After a couple more seconds he throws me off him and gets angry, because he said it didn't feel good because I'm so loose. We end up having a massive argument. I'm crying and feeling hurt.
2) I dreamt it was my birthday (this dream is actually based on real life. My birthday's coming up in a few weeks and last year my mum "surprised" me with a birthday dinner. She invited the guy and my now ex-best friend. What she didn't know was that me and the guy had a massive fight that afternoon and I spent the whole dinner on the verge of tears). My mum surprises me with all my old best friends. I cry and throw a tantrum because I don't want them there. The guy gets angry at me and says he's leaving. I follow him screaming I hate him and I don't want him there.
3) I dream I'm in a lecture at uni, but the guy is there. All of a sudden I start kissing him. He pushes me away but then he pulls me back and I don't know what he wants. Then all of a sudden he gets angry at me. I get angry at him and start yelling about how I hate him and he used me.
In the dreams about the best friend (sometimes they are in dreams when I also yell at the guy) I scream at her and tell her how angry I am and how she can't blame the breakdown of our friendship on me. The arguments usually revolve around the girl that she became friends with who doesn't like me. The thing is I'm happy I'm not friends with these people because of the lifestyle they lead.
1) I dream that my mum makes me go over her house. But when I walk in her house it is actually my house. I make a snide comment saying that she is going to fail her high school exams and drop out. She starts yelling at me. She runs off and I run after her screaming about how she chose this other girl over me and that I hate her and the breakdown in our friendship is her fault.
2) This dream happened in the same birthday dream that I described before. After I yell at the guy, I am in a change room trying to find something to wear. The ex-bestie comes out of another changeroom and I am angry because my mum invited her. She looks really good in an amazing dress and boots. I decide I want her boots and get angry at her. I feel exactly the way I did when I was depressed in this dream. So sad and angry.
3) Last night I dreamt she called me and was talking to me on the fone. She was trying to be nice and then she bought up this girl that hates me. She was trying to get me to say something bad about the girl and I knew they had planned it together. I didn't get angry at her. I just said I know what you're doing and hung up the phone. Then she emailed me and we argued on there.
Help, I didn't know where to post this because it's a bit random. I want to move on with my life but I feel as though I'm being held back because of these dreams. What do you guys think they could mean and what can I do to stop them?