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  1. #1
    Member hailtothevictors's Avatar
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    Not Ready for a Relationship Right Now

    "I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

    It's a line we see all the time: in movies, on these boards, through personal experience, etc. Conventional wisdom says that when a girl says "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" what she really means is "I actually would be interested in a relationship right now ... just not with you."

    Is that almost always the case? Or could a girl actually say this and mean it? I feel like some girls, especially around ages 18-22, want that time in their lives to be single, so they can not feel tied down and can have fun and be somewhat of a free spirit.

    If a girl tells you she's not ready for a relationship right now - is that pretty much a 100% sign that nothing will ever happen between you two?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    I would take that as "nothing will ever happen between us". Because, if you hold onto hope that something will happen later, you could really hurt yourself.
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  3. #3
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    No, when a girl says that, it can mean exactly that, that she's not ready right now. I've been there, said that. I've said that to a guy because I meant it, and he acted cool with it, we were friendly. Then he inquired about me thru the grapevine, I let it be known I still wasn't ready for dating, then later he asked me out and I said yes, because by then I was.

    If someone says that to you, I'd take it at face value. No need to take on the attitude that she's feeding you a line. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Move on either way. If you feel like asking her out a month or 2 later, go for it. If she says no again, drop it.

    But really, it can be true, sometimes people just aren't in the right head place to date.

  4. #4
    Gold Member g84's Avatar
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    I would agree that it can definitely be the truth. There may be cases where people say this with ulterior motives, but sometimes a person really doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship; they might recognize that it would be irresponsible of them to become involved with someone when they don't think they are in the right place emotionally or psychologically. Some people are still dealing with past experiences that have hurt them, and this can be another reason why they may want to wait before trying to have a relationship in general.
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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by hailtothevictors View Post
    If a girl tells you she's not ready for a relationship right now - is that pretty much a 100% sign that nothing will ever happen between you two?
    Either she doesn't like you enough or she actually doesn't want a relationship. The later is very rare in my experience/opinion. And who cares? I don't wait for somebody to be ready.

    If I were you, I'd walk away and delete the phone number. Rest assured, you will meet somebody who is ready.

  7. #6
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    I recall meeting a new guy, and during the conversation I mentioned that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. A couple of months and several nice outings later, I was about to say that maybe this was something that we could talk about ... but he beat me to it. We were together for nearly four years.

    So, yes, sometimes women say that they are not ready for a relationship right now - and mean it.

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by kodak View Post
    No, when a girl says that, it can mean exactly that, that she's not ready right now. I've been there, said that. I've said that to a guy because I meant it, and he acted cool with it, we were friendly. Then he inquired about me thru the grapevine, I let it be known I still wasn't ready for dating, then later he asked me out and I said yes, because by then I was. If someone says that to you, I'd take it at face value. No need to take on the attitude that she's feeding you a line. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. Move on either way. If you feel like asking her out a month or 2 later, go for it. If she says no again, drop it. But really, it can be true, sometimes people just aren't in the right head place to date.
    i agree, it can go both ways. maybe she needed to get to know you better?

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by debaser_wolf View Post
    I would take that as "nothing will ever happen between us". Because, if you hold onto hope that something will happen later, you could really hurt yourself.
    Generally right.

    A girl really may well mean that she's not ready for a relationship right now (I used to think that was a BS excuse but I now I can understand the sentiment). Or she could just be saying that to spare your feelings. In either case, don't worry yourself about it too much, cause in either case she's turning you down.

  10. #9
    Member hailtothevictors's Avatar
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    Thanks for the feedback. It's interesting to hear some women say that they have said that and meant exactly what they said.

    I understand that it is not wise to wait, and I don't plan on doing that in my situation. But I do think that this might be one of those cases where she is telling the truth. In a few weeks she is leaving the state for 3 months for an internship - and she's never really been in a true "relationship" in four years of college. Most of the guys she's had things with in the past have treated her poorly.

    So I don't plan to wait around for her all summer while she is gone, but if I am still single and still thinking about her this fall, I might test the waters again, just to see if she's in a different place with regards to her thoughts about a relationship.

  11. #10
    Member hailtothevictors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by enchanted771 View Post
    i agree, it can go both ways. maybe she needed to get to know you better?
    We've been going on hanging out/going on dates for about seven weeks - so I feel like she knows me fairly well by now.

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