sarey Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Tears slip down my eyes, my life is full of filthy lies, nomore of this lifeless mistake, my little mind is full of hate, all day long, being alive is wrong, soon it will be right, ill walk into the light, ill be out of sight, ill do it with all my might, no more putting up with this fight, dont be upset, the date is set, changing my mind i will not do, not even for you, the only thing thats on my mind, is the only thing i cannot find, and that is not to be shared, i do not deserve to be cared, my heart is teared, as am i more than ever scared. --------------------- Hurt, destroyed, played and toyed, messed, unloved, this life is too tough. Hit, kick, taking the mick, no love, no care, all alone and bare. Thoughts, feeling, im not healing, suicide death, nothing left. One tablet, two tablet, date is set, which will soon be met. Three, four, ill open that door, five, six, nomore kicks. Seven, eight, i cannot be late, nine, ten, never again. Eleven, tweleve, now ill leave this hell, thirteen, fourteen, nomore Sarah to be seen. A dozen more, this heart is tore, gulping them all down, nomore frown. Lying so still, im taking the kill, fading away, on my final last day. Nomore me, as you can see, this life will be gone, since im done. Goodbye, im a lie, i want to die, i do not even know why, and so now i finally will, nomore climbing this hill. ------------------ Words so powerful, burning like the fire within hell, such words i cannot tell, but they are so deep, as deep as a well. This poem i type, you may not like, i think it will be lame, but thats not what my poems aim. As i write this today, i may have to go away, not for a while, forever. Hospital is my next step, no date is set, but if i am forced to go, i will sink so low. Underground, no sound, no heart beat, no heat. Pain, came, gone, done. Depressed, left, alone, all on my own. No love, its too tough, hurt, im just a piece of dirt. Shred, mislead, lost, this life has no cost. Noise everywhere, here and there, i cant bare, but i just sit and stare. Silence is within, all i am is a sin, death and suicide, forever i shall hide. Fears, tears, no one, i have never, ever won. They win, why not just throw me in a bin? im nothing to the world, just filthy mold. This poem does not have a message, just mixtures of words explaining my feelings, i am not dealing, no words are left to explain this life, goodbye. -------------------- The tears i cry, i give one last sigh, as i write this poem tonight, everything around me just isnt right, the blades have been hid, these sins i cannot rid, i just want to cut, but where its put. i dont know where, its not like they care, if i die i die, im all just a lie, everyone hates me, but they just dont understand, you see, the pain i go through everyday, with the awkward things they say, i cannot stay, i need to pay. -------------------------------------------------- Dead I hate this pain, ITS DRIVING ME INSANE! I cant take this, I shall give you one last kiss. My death is awaiting me, i hope people just see, this pain is just too much, i will give you one last touch. The blades i will soon own, when i die dont moan, i will be dead, enough said. My life will be nothing, all this pain thats been coming, will be gone for eternity, and everything ive been, will soon be faded, my brain that has been invaided, that will be shut off, everything will be soft, everything will be so still, my life has now been killed, something that was a mistake, something that shouldnt of never been made, my end will soon come, and when it does, i will finally be done. -------------------------------------------- My end is near The end is near, my face is dripping with hot tears, the words that she said, she has fulled them in my head. She told me to go die, and i know that she didnt lie, how can she say that too me? why the hell doesnt she see? She left the razor in the bathroom again, that will end all of my pain, I hope tonight ill do it for real, i just know ill never heal. This pain is killing me inside, it got worse when my nan died, everything seems to go wrong, ive lived this life far too long. Soon the razor will touch my skin, i will rid all of my sins, i will bleed on the floor, no matter how sore. My final last poem i write, trying to make things right, my final poem i write tonight, i will soon be out of sight. My end is here, my entire existence will be cleared. ---------------------------------------------- The secret- Part one The screaming words i hear all day, The abusive words i hear them say, I run upstairs on my bed and their i lay, Soon i will pay. I flinch from my bed i roam my room, looking for the priceless thing which will soon lead to my doom, The metal blade hides under my draws, Once it hits my skin it feels like a sharp saw. I press the blade againts my skin, The voices soon will win, I slide it accross my worthless arm, I suddenley hear my mums alarm. I run for my medical kit, I quickly sit, Hiding my blood on the floor, I hear a knock on my door. My head runs around with many thoughts, I hide under my bed hoping i wont be caught, I hear a voice calling my name, If they catch me things will never be the same. --------------------------------------------------------- The secret - Part two. I count in my head hoping she will leave me be, God how those cuts made me feel free, When will everyone see? I just want to be me. The cutting isnt enough, This battle is too tough, The tears streaming down my cheeks, I have lived in this darkness for so many weeks. The name calling has started again, Im going through so much pain, 'Fat' they will chant, 'You should diet, but you cant'. I eat my lunch with tears as my sauce, The other children say I eat like a horse, I tell myself 'crying is for the weak', But i just cant help but to leak. I run to the bathroom and cry on the floor, I look at my body and i cry even more, If i make myself sick, Will they still take the mick? Cutting turned into making myself purge, Sooner or later it was impossible to say no to the urge, Others could see i was getting thin, For me it was a deep sin. -------------------- I have longed too die, and ive wondered why, everytime i try, the promise i tell myself, turns into a lie. i tried too kill myself tonight, i wanted too walk into the light, but my friend wouldnt let that happen, that friend is a he, and he loves me, he wouldnt let me go, he wouldnt let me sink that low, he placed words into my head, ill always remember what he said, he told me how much he'd miss me, how much he loves me, how much hes done for me, how life would be without me. ive never felt so loved before, my life is a war, im just scared of loosing it, so here i sit, and tell about tonight, he made me realiese, killing myself isnt right, but one day i might, but when that day is here, ill shred loads of tears, but i know he will be with me, and make me see, that doing this too myself, wont help. He said he would help me, but i guess ill just have too wait and see. ----------------------- This poem has not a name, these words have just came, the anger i feel, its just too much, i cannot deal. They have took my outlet away, i cant even say, what the pain feels like, this just isnt right, they dont understand not a single bit, so here i sit, writing this poem, trying to explain, about this pain, life just doesnt make any sense too me, i cant even see, what my future holds, except a dark road, unless i end it all, the only escape tool, i will finally be at my eternal rest, the thing that i want best, im such a mess, this pain isnt getting any less, so i will soon be underground, no sounds, no pain, blood not running through my veins, i will finally be dead for all eternity, but soon they will see, i just couldnt handle it, and i just couldnt fit. So as i sit here and write this poem tonight, i will soon be out of sight, time is so precious and valid, all these years i have hid, but soon i wont need to hide, and everyone that was by my side, has just giveup on me anyway, they dont understand what i want to say, all i want to be is dead, but soon ill be covered in red, lying in my puddle of pain, they will see me and think i was insane, but they will never know, about what i have always felt and so, as i write these words, im trying to write, that i have never been heard. -------------------- I search for the razor, i take a seat, opening the draws, i find the thing that will soon make me complete. Grabbing a knife, i dig the blade out, placing myself on a chair, soon i shall remove all my doubt. Pulling my sleve up, putting the blade towards my skin, thoughts overwhelming, the voices will soon win. Pushing it down as hard as i can, thinking weither this will make me die, look at what ive become, who the hell am I? Slicing it accross my skin, faster than any ive done before, staring at the cut inwhich ive inflicted, just one more will do, just one more. Blood pouring from my arm, shocked at what ive done, i run upstairs screaming it wont stop, showing my pain to my mum. Hot tears streaming down my face, my mum wondering why i do this, dialing the number 999, she smiles and just gives me a kiss. I wonder if tonight is my last, i think of everything in my past, waiting for the ambulance, i stare like im in some sort of trance. The ambulance arrives, rushing in, my mum explains what happened, they stare at my deep sin. The hospital i arrive at, stared at by the public, i curl up, feeling sick. Stitches i receive, wishing i could just leave, returning home, feeling so alone. The next day, feeling as depressed as ever, should i just die? No i cant, not never. I grab a knife, i pull the stitches out, the blood leaks down, filling up my gown. I wrap my arm up, crying on what ive just did, flashbacks of the cut is all i see, ive completely changed from what i was like when i was a kid. The morning comes, the pain increases, the anger screams, the thoughts of suicide have turned into a team. ------------------------------- I am the truth waiting to spill, I am the hurt waiting to fade, I am the pain signing the life will, I am the torture that has been made. You are the listener, You are the help, You can make it go away, With my quiet yelp! The world is full of torture, yet also full with happiness, choosing is an option, but sometimes you just need a rest! Torn inside, I run and hide, not wanting to become, things that will never escape my tongue. Broken and crumbled, spoken but tumbled, always in the wrong, this life has been lived far far too long. Suicide is my destiny, I will soon leave, life will become death, enough and i mean enough said. ----------------------- Why did you leave me? Why cant you see? I didnt want you to leave... I thought we werent meant to be. I loved you, I thought you did too, I still do, But i guess i loose. Now you are gone, I feel theres something i could of done, Before it felt like everthing was so bright, like the sun, But now i feel there isnt one. Please return, please just listen and learn, just come back please, its all i want and need. ----------------------------- Please hold me tight, keep me by your side, love me forever always, ill stay with you and hide... Call me your hunny, call me your baby, if i asked you do you love me, please say maybe... Love you forever, dont leave me ever, love me long time, be forever mine... -------------------- Mom, not only a mom, but my best friend, who'd go out her ways for me, preparing for the day ahead of us, doing what you must, your gentle and soft touch, i love you so very much, words cannot express just how i feel, from kisses and hugs, to your home cooked meals, i dont know what id do without you mom, your smile is as bright as the sun, you've always been there, i never knew how much you cared, from everything that weve been through, i love and care for you, never leave me mom, not until im done. ------------------------- Writing in tears, living for years, cant take anymore, no light, not even an escape door... I dont feel right living this life, no one understands anything im going through, they think its all fine, soon i will prove them wrong, in time... Life will be taken, as its been mistaken, i bid you all goodbye, everyday i always cry, i dont know why, sigh... Love and care, its all gone down a drain now, i dont know how, maybe its because im a stupid, fat cow.. Goodbye to those who 'care' for me, its time for me to leave, i find myself stuck, sometimes i wish i was hit by a truck... ------------------------------- The blade i seek tonight, wanting to get the cuts just right, it never feels enough, but battling it is so very tough. Cutting some more, knocks at the door, screaming go away, or ill make them get out my way. Trying to stop, not getting much luck, bleeding, dripping, curling and crippling.. Is that it? can i now stop this? oh no, of course not, im stuck inside a locked box, never to be free, how can i leave? im going nowhere anytime soon, just waiting for that big ol' boom, which will end all my pain, then ill finally be sane! ----------------------------------- This is for my friend; Your always there for me, whenever im alone, you say you care for me, and you deal with me all on your own... Your the best thing thats ever happened to me, i just hope you never leave, but i hate letting you see, the true person inside of me.. Id never want to hurt you, and i never mean too if i do, i just want you to be there always, no matter what i say.. Please never leave me, ever, stay with me forever, because i dont want to loose you, and i hope you dont too. ------------------------------ Another one for my friend... Whether in the right or wrong, i know our friendship will be long, it will be, just stay with me, never leave. Through hard and good times, you try to be there, you tell me you love me, you tell me you care, i just dont know if i can believe you, i just dont know what to do. You try to stop me from doing silly things, sometimes i listen, sometimes i dont, but i just want you to know, that im sorry for all ive done. I love you so much Chelsea, i hope you love me, i hope you stay with me forever, and dont leave, ever, your so important, your smile is as bright as the sun, I just hope i never loose, someone like you. -------------------------- Life, full of so many things, death, full of hell, live for those who love you, have the courage to tell others about your pain, you are not insane, live for you, and others too, fight and show, how once you were so very low, but now continuing a thing called life, nomore sighs, but happy faces, take it in slow paces, live for those around, although your heart may pound, when you hear the word 'die', ask yourself why, why do you want to fade away, when all you have to do is say, what you feel, yes it is real, its not a nightmare, soon, your life will seem fair, just give it time, as i do with mine. ---------------------------- The sun sets, the moon awakens, shining so very bright, as bright as the suns light, soon it shall disappear, out of sight, hiding in the darkness feels so very right, but i cant for all eternity, i have to sometime leave, i wonder how i can make them see, the true me, deep inside, where i hide, within my mind, i try to find, the end of this line, trying to find, a little sign, but i have so little time left, everything is such a mess, i hope oneday i will vanish from this place, and so hear i lay, thinking, dreaming, wondering, will i ever escape this alive? ----------------------- You are my hero, you are my saviour, you are the one, from what I saw. You say you love me, more than I could love you, this is not true, I win, you lose. As I fade, you increase in pain, if you really loved me, you'd let me go, and you'd also remain. I do love you, I do need you, but I have to leave, don't you see? I can't bare living anymore, I can't bare being here, I can't bare this, I need to get away, I don't know how, I don't know where. I wish, so much, for us to be together, to hug, to kiss, to feel, but that won't happen, ever. -------------------------- This love I'm drowning in, mistaken from the beginning, thrown away and torn apart, right from the start. This broken heart never to heal, but my lips are forever sealed, screaming inside, but these feelings can never hide. I still feel the love for you, but you never will, never too, alone, lost, hiding from this, but I will still forever wish, that we could be together, forever. My passions fire burns on and on, but yours is eternally gone, lost for me, but you just cannot see, I'm drowning in your love, even though it may seem wrong, may seem impossible, but I will forever, be drowning in your love... --------------------------- I stare in the mirror, I look at the fat, I feel the tears, I despise all that. I try to cut, to cut the fat, the fat I see, upon me. All else fails, must resort to it, cannot prevent, cannot quit. Starving, purging, continues day to day, the pain continues, not to go away. The weight disappears, but where from? I stare at the reflection, I don't see it gone. I see I am fatter than all else, I see I am uglier than my own sister, I see I am inperfect in every way, as I go into public, I feel a thousand glares. I wish to be thin, I wish to be pretty, I wish to be perfect, but I don't wish to be me. -------------------------- I was scared, alone and broken, but he never left, he'd stay with me hours on end. I'm so grateful I have you, a special, precious friend, I will never forget, even at the end. You and me have such great fun, even with my mum! through smiles and tears, you'd stay near. But now I'm too be gone, I just hope and wish, that you'll be okay, while I'm forever away. I love you so much, I care for you too, I'm sorry for all I do, I guess I loose. I'll always love you Jack, I'll always care, I'll always remember you, no matter what I am, or where. ------------------------------- Times when we were together felt so right, but now I see no light, the glimpse of it has disappeared, the end for me is getting near. Me and you I want to be true, but now that dream has washed away, I lay here crying, thinking, so selfish I was, I must pay. I miss you truly, it feels like something has stabbed my heart, I hold this blade in my hand, preparing myself to be torn apart. Turning the music up, just a bit more, tears form and speed down my skin, the blade I hold drags itself against my wrist, the voices say over and over, 'I win'. The fight is over, I lay still, stone cold, blood splashing everywhere, I fade away and leave this world. --------------------------- Tears streaming down, no feelings, no sounds, heartbroken, in despair, nomore love, nomore care. Love from 'the one' has disappeared, the end I sense is near, tormented and torn apart, right from the start. No comfort nor help, I have failed, days and days this went on, but he never loved me, if he ever did, not for long. The end is here, the end is coming, the end is near, for what I've been longing. Sitting here, I cry and cry, tears flooding, I await the arrival, for me to die. ------------------------ Those days are gone, never to return, the love we had, shining like the sun. I love you, and you don't even realise, the pain I'm in, even after the lies. Shaking, shivering, wondering, thinking, suffering, hurting, loosing, sinking. The times we had together, happiness shone, like stars twinkling, but now that's gone. The feelings returning, stronger than before, never to disappear, no escape door, tears forming behind my eyes, but no, I won't cry, hiding in despair, fading, I sit and stare. Lost all hope, lost all care, lost all love, nothing anymore is even there. Believing a false feeling, visualizing a false dream, lives have been torn apart, all because of me. --------------------- Tears rolling down my cheeks, burning the skin, I sit in my room and think, thinking if I'll ever win. I shout and scream, I curse and cry, but in the end, I know I will die. Shivering cold, goosebumps appear, I sense it, the end is near. Staring into thin space, atmosphere around me shakes, it blurs, I fall asleep, never to wake. Shaking, freezing, dying, leaving... ---------------- There are more, but I figured, THIS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. The maturity and grammar isn't so good, but, well, I'm just copying them from my file... So yeah, enjoy? If you manage to read it all. Link to comment
NKP Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 I loved em all, very depressing but its a good way to let out how you feel inside. Link to comment
sarey Posted May 12, 2007 Author Share Posted May 12, 2007 Yeppp, I have some happy ones, I think, but I've lost them. o.O Link to comment
girl friend Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 From your file? As in a school file? Has a teacher ever read them? They are incredible hun, but you feeling this way, that isn't good. The depression, cutting, suicidal thoughts, we need to get that fixed. You know that yeh? How are you doing? Have you ever been counselled? Link to comment
sarey Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 Not school file, I have my own file here, it's password protected. I have had counselling before. I've been seen by a physcologist, physciatrist, social workers, therapists, counsellors, doctors... *shrugs* I don't think it needs sorted, I think it's fine. Link to comment
girl friend Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 Hi. Oh sorry, i didn't mean to come accross as, well something i didn't mean to. If you feel ok, and don't think it needs sorting, then you're probably right. I just assummed that it couldn't be good to live with all that pain day in day out. But hey, at least it makes you a great poet eh.? BTw i noticed your entire thread has disappeared now (um hello, under suicide). Did you withdraw the whole thing? Did somebody else upset u or sumthing? I like talking to you. girl friend Link to comment
sarey Posted May 15, 2007 Author Share Posted May 15, 2007 no they deleted it. oh well. Link to comment
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