The company she keeps...

[Clementine orange]

Prelude: First of all I broke up with “I wanna have fake breasts” girl a month ago, in case anyone is following my life that closely. I monopolized the enotalone forum about this for a few days back in mid March. Not looking for sympathies on that, it was a clean break up. She seemed a little surprised actually – I think she was more accustomed to being the dumper than the other way ‘round, however, she has recovered quickly and has attached herself to one of the men that was floating around us waiting for us to break up. (See that actually works sometimes). Regardless, no angst, it just wasn’t meant to be and she’s some other guy’s problem now Ha.

 

My issue I met someone new. She’s nice, attractive, a quasi boho/vegetarian/artist type (except she shaves her legs lol). We aren’t sleeping together yet but it is heading in that direction rapidly. I’m not 100% sure about this girl (which is why I’m holding off having sex with her – I find it easier to extract myself from the situation before the "deed" rather than after – then you don’t get accusations of exploitation and “you just used me for sex” etc.)

 

The problem : her friends. Simply put, I don’t like any of them. In fact I’ve never met a more annoying bunch of obnoxious rednecks in my life, some of them are actually bordering on abusive. She seems so different from them that I can’t believe she knows them. I gently brought it up once (the difference) and she says she has known them from high school and that’s it.

 

I realize that I am dating her and not her friends but I seriously can’t stand these people and I will have to see them a lot. For sure I’m going to have disagreements with them on issues. I lean left and they lean extreme right so it’s just a matter of time before the fireworks start.

 

How do I handle this - or should I even?

[ghost69]

i've been in this situation. not the same type of people, just friends i couldn't stand. you have to just learn to cope with them if you really like the girl. if you aren't feeling her at all, it's just another reason to move on.

[Scout]

Hi, CO...I can't really advise you on if you should break up with someone based on how you feel about their friends. I mean, that can be a pretty big deal, I completely realize that.

 

But, I will say I have a group of die-hard conservative friends from the South (I'm from the South, too, but a bleedin' heart tree hugger) here in Denver. We don't agree on ANY political issues, but I will say they're some of the funnest people I've ever hung out with from a social point of view. They love to camp, have BBQs (and they always make sure there is something vegetarian for me to eat, shockingly), and just have a good time Southern-style! (Gee, I wonder if its the same crowd, lol)

 

So, I learned a long time ago I would not find common ground on anything political with them, but they were mighty hospitable folks, other than that.

 

If your girl has similar beliefs as you do, consider yourself their token libs, lol. And I'm sure you have more left-leaning friends, so now you have a mix. I will say this, having some conservative friends has helped me at least better understand where people who have those beliefs are coming from. Not that I still agree with them, but I like to have insight into those kinds of things. Plus, it's a good idea not to live in a vacuum where you're only around people who think mostly as you do. We want to have an open mind...riiiiiiiiiiiiight?

[fnlyfrei]

I think friends DO influence you, my fiance' has all sorts of friends, but they all seem to be on the upper-crust of integrity and thinking...which I think reflects on him positively. He works for a very strict fundamentalist christian, and sometimes those thoughts come through in our debates on certain issues...(i am not a fundamentalist christian, I am possibly closer to buddist or some other metaphysical line of thought) But like scout says, I appreciate diversity, and others can think what they wish..as long as I am allowed to have my own beliefs and opinians. I think we are all richer for it really...one of the bestest parts about living in america! (as long as we don't fight!)

I think in a relationship it's the same way. You aren't going to find your exact twin. If you did, I expect that would be rather boring. Vive' la differance!

[Iceman26]

A vegetarian/artist that hangs out with rednecks? That is something I would have to see.

[Clementine orange]

A vegetarian/artist that hangs out with rednecks? That is something I would have to see.

 

I KNOW!!! It's so weird that I don't really know what to make of it. I think she is trying to make some changes in her life but doesn't want to let go of some things.

Thanks for the advice other posters.

 

I'm all about diversity and I do have some people that I know and like and we have "agreed to disagree" on issues but these friends of hers are genuinely obnoxious. It's not even really a political thing (right vs left) it is more a world view. These peeps are homophobic, borderline racist and a word that I can't probably can't post here.

 

Policitical and/or moral/value differences I don't have a problem with - just plain ignorance I do though.

[fnlyfrei]

I KNOW!!! It's so weird that I don't really know what to make of it. I think she is trying to make some changes in her life but doesn't want to let go of some things.

Thanks for the advice other posters.

 

I'm all about diversity and I do have some people that I know and like and we have "agreed to disagree" on issues but these friends of hers are genuinely obnoxious. It's not even really a political thing (right vs left) it is more a world view. These peeps are homophobic, borderline racist and a word that I can't probably can't post here.

 

Policitical and/or moral/value differences I don't have a problem with - just plain ignorance I do though.

 

Okay, does she tend to think more like you? If so, you two should try hanging out more with your friends...and when she does go back to her other "group"...she might see the stark difference and choose to hang out with them less and less. She might not even realize how narrow-minded they are until she is influenced by more like-minded people. Just an idea.

[Serendipitous]

I think people are cool who can be friends with people from all walks of life.

If you like her and respect her, you should not fret about her friends.

[onelittleladybug]

Personally I totally relate, I cant be friends with someone whose view on life (like politics) completely clash with mine. I wouldn't end the relationship though, I would however make a huge effort to make new friends together that are more like the two of you. Take an art class together or a dance class or join some kind of club. It doesn't sound like her friends are a good fit for her anyway.