Last time, I promise!

[Paradigm1607307567]

So things have unfolded quite the opposite as I'd expect. Which is usually how it works, right? What a tangled web we weave....

 

I'll re-cap.. Everything is fine and wonderful and the fiancee suddenly decides (out of the blue) to not be together. She may have feelings for the ex, she doesn't want to get married... It's a long list. So she initiates a breakup to sort out her feelings. I fight her... Well as it turns out, I actually like the break. I am free to do things that I couldn't do with her. I bought a new motorcycle. I can talk to friends that are female. I go out on a few dates and regain my "game".

 

Well, the deal was to be apart until summer ends and then evaluate things and move from there. Fine with me.

 

Fast forward to yesterday. It's a mere three weeks later (in May!), not even close to the end of summer. Not even the beginning really. She comes to me and says "Okay I'm better now. Let's hook back up and be engaged." I looked at her like this I tell her "That's having your cake AND eating it too! It doesn't work that way honey." This is the chick who REMOVED her engagement ring, broke her commitment, and tried to chase the ex, who I might add had no interest in her.

 

"NOW is a fine time to realize that you want to commit to me!"

 

Here's the real kicker. Normally, I'm a pansy, whipped, sensitive guy and I would have given her a second...no a third.. chance. But I've been dating this new chick. Shes super hot, fun, likes the same crap I do, is always smiling (a MAJOR turn on), and most of all.... She is very UN-crazy. We have so much fun and I'm still shocked that she hasn't surprised with something.. like a kid, or the fact that she is bi-polar. I finally found a normal girl and I'm having normal fun. Here's another kicker. We're very compatible, and now I'm emotionally invested in her. We've kissed.. expressed feelings, and a second date is coming up. I'm in too deep to back out easily now. Someone gets hurt, besides me.

 

Here's the last kicker... Ex doesn't know about her. She told me if I date, she doesn't want to know about her. Well, I used to go see the ex, comfort her as much as I could (yes I am a nice guy after what she did), and talk on the phone... Well, I REFUSE to do this if I'm involved with anyone else. I know how awkward it feels to care for someone and watch them talk to someone they used to love (or still do) from their past. How do I initiate a limited contact with her? I still care for her, and maybe sometime in the future we can get married... But I've firmly decided I'm going to see what happens with the new chica. Another problem... the ex is always around me. All three of us are in the same church. Yesterday I was with the new girl, and the ex comes up and puts her arm around me and asks if we can get back together.... Just like that. It's cramping my style, making my date feel awkward, and it's annoying. What do I do? I made her a deal that was more than fair. I told her we'd stick to the plan and evaluate things in August. Limited contact.

 

What a nasty, tangled web I've woven. This is what happens when you follow your heart. It could be worse I suppose. I have the choice of a new, exciting, non dramatic relationship.. Or the deep rooted, weathered love of a semi-crazy woman who might uncommitt at a moment's notice.

 

C'est la vie.

How would you deal with this?

[Akatea]

I say tell the ex to back off. She made her decision to break up and its not fair on you that she can't make up her mind. To be honest its sounds like your second best? (Don't mean to be harsh and not saying that you actually are second best, but just in your x's mind) she couldn't have the person that she wanted so she'll settle for you? DON'T LET HER! By the sounds of it, you've found someone who you can really relate to and have fun and all the things you should be doing in a relationship. Tell the ex that YOU need some time to think and that by her clinging to you and pressuring you to get back together, she is ultimately pushing you away further...

[Lucid]

I agree with Akatea, you stand your ground, she doesnt deserve to put you in that situation, just you get on with your life and enjoy it the way you deserve to!!

 

Good luck x