Confused...Cant think straight...Pregnant Update....

[naughty_jiggidy]

So alright. As you all know, Im pregnant, jesse knows... The saga must go on.....

 

So he called tonight when I was getting home and very busy with caleb- evenings are a zoo with a baby. Anyways, and he wanted to talk.. I asked if i could either call him back when I was done with caleb and got him settled or when he got off work, hes like either. So I got caleb settled and called him back.... He was busy so he called me back.. Blah blah...

 

So he calls, and (im assumin he thinks im on the same page he is) he flat out says... "So how much is this going to cost to get rid of?" I kinda took offense to that!! I mean if you want to talk about this- at least be gental.. I said I dont know and I didnt check into it fully yet. Until we talked. Hes like Ic. Thats ok. So I was kinda quiet and upset with what he said, he realised that. And was like are you ok? I tried soo hard nto to break down and cry and scream NO... But I made it through. I just said Im struggling some and its hard and confusing. And I had morrning sickness today a few times.

 

I dont know what I think or feel. I look into calebs eyes and just tear up. I so badly dont want to get rid of this. I really want this. But its like I cant. I still have 2 years left of school. My parents wont stick by this time around trust me- so that means im on my own. I cant do two babies on my own. Jesse doesnt live here- hes like 500 miles away.... ](*,)

 

I know this is what I have todo. I dont know why im struggling so much right now. I havent bonded... Yet... -sighs- I just keep mentally thinking the flu and not the pregnancy. So I dont bond with this idea. I feel like im falling... Seriously... With nothing to catch me.. Just free falling. And I cant tell him this, or I dont know, maybe i dont know how. Its not like were together so its like I can cry to him. I cant. its not like that.

 

 

I guess I have to decide what I want first.... Maybe im doing this to be with him? Ive laways wanted to be? Noo.. thats wrong...

 

God- Just let me figure life out???

 

Im falling... Help....

[Batya33]

Have you considered having the baby and giving it up for adoption?

[RebeccaChow]

I guess this is a really hard decision and looks like he's not in for responsibility. I can't believe he just bluntly asked you how much it costs to get rid of it. Tell him you want to keep the baby and see how he responses.

 

I think its wrong to kill a life, so I don't encourage you on going for abortion. But if situations don't allow you to keep the baby, maybe put it up for adoption? I know its hard but seems like your parents won't stick by you this time and it will be very VERY hard to survive this on your own. What's more, you've 2 years more for school.

 

Sit down and think hard about this, don't act rashly. This is a life. I hate guys who encourages abortion. Take care sweetie, I feel for you.

[booberry]

I'm pretty sure these clinics have councilors. have you considered talking to a professional? I know you also said that your parents wouldnt help you out this time, but they might be good to talk to at this point. they can help you make the right decision, at least. I dont know if that is an option for you, but you should definitely have someone to talk to.

[naughty_jiggidy]

Have you considered having the baby and giving it up for adoption?

 

Kinda.. But if you read past threads I had posted- I just had a baby in Dec (was a highrisk pregnancy) and was told if it was within a year- that it wound be worse due to my thinned cervix and it needing to heal before something again. So I know I would be bed ridden big time, and once you put that sweat into baby making- trust me, there isnt no turning back and my heart would be way to into it. I couldnt. -Sighs-

[Batya33]

I understand and I am sorry your boyfriend is not being supportive.

[naughty_jiggidy]

I understand and I am sorry your boyfriend is not being supportive.

 

and.. were not together..... He flew me up for a week get away after having my son and for us to figure things olut.. (we have always kinda had flings and so forth for 2 years on and off...)

 

We didnt figure anything out.. I left.. and a Month later... here I sit...

[naughty_jiggidy]

The links to my prior posts:

 

First post:

 

 

Second post:

 

[Locke2121]

*sigh* Well, if you can't have it, and can't keep it or give it away.....horrible as it is, there is only one choice.

 

I'm pro life, but I'm also a pragmatist.

 

Do you have some family you could turn to for support?

[naughty_jiggidy]

*sigh* Well, if you can't have it, and can't keep it or give it away.....horrible as it is, there is only one choice.

 

I'm pro life, but I'm also a pragmatist.

 

Do you have some family you could turn to for support?

 

Family with this. No.. Friends possibly after MANY MANY lectures, which I hate. Ive spoken to my doctor and this can be a health concern- which insurance would help pay for the procedure. Ive done some research- and its bad, but easier now than later.

 

I just wish there was an "eject" button.....

[Locke2121]

Nope, no eject, no rewind. This is a movie that has to be played to the end. I can imagine how hard this is. No real support from anywhere...only yourself and a few bucks thrown to you like scraps to a dog.

 

 

Why no family? Religious? Pious? I would think they would choose your life if it was that dangerous for you.

[RebeccaChow]

I hope you'll come up with a solution.. though there aren't many since your boyfriend is not supportive. Its so sad!

 

I know how you feel about keeping the baby, its afterall your own flesh and blood. I would keep my baby if I'm pregnant too, even if my boyfriend isn't supportive.

 

What are you going to do hun? Have you talked to your parents yet? You need people to talk to, your best friends, your parents, some counsellors.

[naughty_jiggidy]

I hope you'll come up with a solution.. though there aren't many since your boyfriend is not supportive. Its so sad!

 

I know how you feel about keeping the baby, its afterall your own flesh and blood. I would keep my baby if I'm pregnant too, even if my boyfriend isn't supportive.

 

What are you going to do hun? Have you talked to your parents yet? You need people to talk to, your best friends, your parents, some counsellors.

 

**the tears are just streamin down my face**

 

Im writing out my thoughts for when he calls... It should be in the next half hour or so....

 

i just. Am torn. I have no one to talk to- thats why I turned here. I dont want people to look down on me, it was an honest mistake- I was on birthcontrol, I took the morrning after pill, everything! I didnt want this. I really didnt. I just had my son (whom I LOVE dearly) this past december hes 4 months old only..

 

I was thinkin about finding a crisis councler to talk to...

 

I wish I could turn to family...

 

SOmeone said to turn to god, and I did. I know whats right and at the same time I know what it seems I have todo. I just, dont/cant face it? Does that make since?

[RebeccaChow]

Hey babe, take heart, its not something that people should look down on. And you should definitely NOT feel ashamed of yourself in any way. You're bringing life, its not anything bad. Don't worry we're here for you. Hugs.

 

I know you don't want this, but sometimes some things can't be stopped. What God has given you is not by chance. You did everything you could to stop yourself getting pregnant but you are now, nobody can explain this but all I can say is God has given you this gift, embrace it.

 

Babe, you know deep in your heart what's the right thing to do. I'm sure you do. Hugs.

[naughty_jiggidy]

Hey babe, take heart, its not something that people should look down on. And you should definitely NOT feel ashamed of yourself in any way. You're bringing life, its not anything bad. Don't worry we're here for you. Hugs.

 

I know you don't want this, but sometimes some things can't be stopped. What God has given you is not by chance. You did everything you could to stop yourself getting pregnant but you are now, nobody can explain this but all I can say is God has given you this gift, embrace it.

 

Babe, you know deep in your heart what's the right thing to do. I'm sure you do. Hugs.

 

Thanks, I hope. Ill be back after we talk... SHould be anymoment. But Ive learned not to hold my breathe with him....

[RebeccaChow]

So what happened? What did he say?

[naughty_jiggidy]

So what happened? What did he say?

 

Go figure- He didnt call it got "too late".. I left a voice mail stating that he cannot avoid this forever and to make time. I know his schedual during the week when its nice out (he does construction) can be crazy.. Like 4am-10 at night sometimes and hes tired. (not making excuses for him) So this weekend it will happen.

 

Anyways, I left him a voice mail saying I was mad that he didnt call and that he cannot avoid this (if thats what he was doing) any longer, because it just doesnt go away- trust me, Ive tried.

 

Im going to try him before I go to class today.. Feelin crappy already.. God I didnt miss morrningsickness (or ALL day sickness on that note)

[forgiveand4get]

*hugs* i dont know what to say or how I can give you any advice, but heres a hug for you. I'm prayng for ya girly and 'm sure things will work out no matter what you choose!

[RebeccaChow]

I hope he gets back to you ASAP hun. All the best... I hope he's genuinely tired and not trying to run away from this.

 

Take care, hugs.

[Batya33]

I just want to chime in here and say that I think your mindset is good - acting in the best interests of your unborn child - and if abortion is the alternative that you believe is in the best interests of the unborn child given your situation then I support you - of course giving birth to a healthy baby is a miracle and a blessing but miracles don't feed, clothe or help raise a baby - for that you need a stable family situation, stable finances, and all the rest. That can happen through adoption too, of course, but to have a baby just based on it being a miracle from G-d is not always fair to the baby or in the baby's best interests.

 

All the best to you.

[BornToResist]

Oh my goodness. What a tough spot to be in.

 

I know how hard this decision is, believe me, I do. My son is only a couple months old (in your shoes, also a single mother) and while I couldn't go through with the abortion, if I got pregnant again right now, I honestly would have to. Don't beat yourself up for this. This is YOUR life. Nobody can judge you for your choice. You are the only one who knows what you can live with, you know?

 

I applaud you for stepping up to the plate with your son. It is REALLY HARD!

 

You are not a bad person. Nobody has walked in your shoes but you.

 

I'm not telling you that yes, you should get an abortion, because ultimately it is your choice. But if that's what you decide, don't feel bad about it. Think of all the moments you'd miss with Caleb if you are in the hospital or on bedrest with this pregnancy.

 

I just...I don't know. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But you gotta do what you gotta do and nobody can blame you for that.

[naughty_jiggidy]

Your post touched me in SOOO MANY WAYS! I just wanted to tell you that! All of you guys have been soo great I dont know where I would be right now!

 

Still no word from Jesse yet. -Sighs- I called him at 130 am yesturday night to try and talk to him (know he wouldnt answer but I was hoping) and I left a voice mail saying Im falling apart and we need to talk about this.

 

I confided in a good friend, shes a ways away (few states away) but she listened and was great. She thinks jesse is thinking and trying to figure things out. THis is on his mind (eventhough Im convinced it isnt) and hes giving me time to think to... But Its KILLING me.....

 

What do I do now.. Just wait for him to call and stop calling him?

[southerngirl]

First let me start by saying I am pro-choice. I believe it is your future, your body, your life to choose to do what you need to do.

 

Sometimes the best decisions to make are not easy.

 

YOu have to think of the baby you have here already and what if you were to have another one. You have said you could not manage two of them.

 

Believe me, I know what it is like. I have mentioned it in a post before but I will say it again now.

 

When my now 9 year old was about 3..... I was a single mother and I had an abortion. I did not want to have another child. I was already doing it 'alone' and knew I just could not handle it. I have often thought about it up till now and while I do not regret doing what I felt I 'had to do' I regret putting myself into that situation. I should not have allowed myself to even become pregnant. Now I have a two year old and a 4 month old. The day will come that you may be ready to add to your family. But women for many 1000s of years have known when the right time was to bring forth a child into this world.

 

Look into yourself and you will know what to do. It is not an easy choice, and it shouldnt be easy. Its a very serious one that will effect the rest of your life, so think hard. Where do you see yourself in five years?

 

I can not tell you what to do. But know this.... we are all here for you and will support you no matter what it is you decide.

 

I do believe in fate however. You said you prevented this pregnancy and it happened anyway. Perhaps it is meant to be!

[naughty_jiggidy]

Great point!!

 

I just wish he would call!!! Thats all I want. I want to talk to him about this. I want his thoughts before I make a decision. This is a decision I need to start making, I cant even really start my thinking without his. I want this to be a mutal thing, and Hes not calling. Ive called 3x and nothing yet. Im getting kinda upset. I want him to call. Do I leave him be? Let him call me when hes ready. Maybe he needs time? Space? I dont know.

[RebeccaChow]

Hey sweetie, how are you feeling now? Is he avoiding you on purpose or is he really busy? If he does not want the baby what would you do? Does his opinion affect your decision? Because since he is not gonna take responsibilty I don't think his opinion matters anymore.. AND I don't think such a guy is even worth keeping. Sweetie, you deserve BETTER!

 

I'm sure he needs time space whatever, guys and their nonsense. Why are you still bothering yourself with him? You gotta make a decision hun, have you?