Is she taking me for granted?

[netman]

My g/f and I have a great relationship and we love each other dearly, but sometimes I just feel like she takes things for granted. In the beginning of the relationship, she used to be very romantic and passionate. She would send me cute e-mails and leave me romantic voicemails and stuff like that (I've always done the same and still do), but now I don't get anything like that AT ALL almost. Ever since we've gotten closer and we started talking about marriage, I feel like she has the "he's not going anywhere" attitude, so she probably thinks that she doesn't have to put in work into this relationship anymore or as much.

 

I'm beginning to resent her, and I'm losing interest by the day. Yeah, she calls me like 3 times a day, but it's the little things that I'm talking about. Just last night, she mentioned how she notices that I don't leave HER voicemails anymore and that I've been a little cold with her. I told her that why should I do those little things if she doesn't do those little things herself. Then she started the mushy puppy eyes "you don't love anymore" talk; I know she was joking but I felt that she meant it a little. I'm concerned because a friend of mine recently got divorced from his wife of 9 years because of this same thing, but I don't want to make the mistake of getting married without clearing this issue.

 

Am I wrong? Am I asking for too much? Am I just overreacting? Are there other ways to make my point to her?

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Netman,

You and i have coresponded about things quite frequently and usually I take your side, but now I must tell you that I can not side all the way with you on this one. The man is supposed to be the persuer. Atleast that is what I think. You should never do things in expectancy that she too will do what you did. That is called "CONDITIONAL" love. Love is not about gettting as much as you can from your partner, love is not about hey "I bought you a rose, so you better buy me three or else its quits to you babe. I think you are not only expecting too much but your setting yourself up for disappointment. If she is doing her best and I believe she is , then you should appreciate what you are getting. However if she is slacking off majorly,,...(and don't exagerate buddy, you know what I mean) then that's a different story. Sometimes us woman are told that if we give toomuch you guys will leave or take advantage, maybe she feels like if she does those things, you'll use it and think she's smothering you. Just a thought..what do you think?

[netman]

Sweetypie, I guess you're on the right track since she's definitely not slacking off THAT much, but it is noticeable to me. I guess that it might be my insecure nature that needs me to be constanly reassured, so when she used to do these little things I felt great about the relationship. Since she doesn't do it as much, I get mixed feelings in my head about how things really are. Honestly, I already decided to pull back a little.

 

I always do things not expecting things in return. However, shouldn't I call her on it when I see her slacking? It hasn't been a complete year yet, so imagine 2, 5, even 10 years of this. My resentment will rise and my interest level will drop even more. I could tell that you really love your man, but what if he stopped doing the little romantic things for you. Wouldn't you call him on it if he stopped so drastically?

[Knctrnl22]

I don't know if your the same guy from a while back that was giving the girl clues on speacial things she could do for you.

 

Honestly you are acting like a girl-and there can't be two girls in a relationship.

 

I don't mean to stereotype women but how many men act like you Netman.

 

If you wan't this relationship to fail and expect it to it will.

 

It seems that this poor girl will never be able to live up to your ideal. If I were you I would really enjoy my time with her and even if you (out do her) it doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.

 

Maybe she simply can't live up to your expectations

 

In the end I truly believe that she will end up caring about you more than you do about her. Just my opinion.

 

I wish you good luck

[netman]

Honestly you are acting like a girl-and there can't be two girls in a relationship.

I just knew that somebody would make this comment. Thank you for your honesty, but don't misunderstand. You're right, not many men act like me, but maybe I've just been spoiled in the past by having so many women who would always do these things for me, but now I find someone I may want to spend the rest of my life with, but I don't get it as much from her. Maybe that's the irony of life.

 

I guess you're right though, Knctrnl22. Maybe my standards are pretty high; definitely a reality check for me. I should just enjoy my time with her and not think so much about this stuff. It's easier said than done though, but I'll try.

[Knctrnl22]

How old are you?

 

 

 

It's good to hear that your at the point in your life where your considering spending the rest of your life with someone. Personally Im not but thats another story.

 

All that I have to add is that if you want to be sad you will be if you want to be happy you will be.

 

Yes it is easier said than done, but someday you will have to make changes so why not start now.

 

Give her a good kissing tonight -make it known whats shes got.