Should I just leave her be?

[coryb]

Let me just jump right in...

 

My girlfriend/first love/so-I-thought soulmate of 3 1/2 years broke up with me a week and a half ago stating that she didn't know what was going on right now in her life but she knows that she is not happy with herself and I don't deserve someone who can't give back in a relationship what I was giving to her. She recently dropped out of her 2nd year in college and is has some other things going on her life (normal 22 year old worries) and is getting pretty down on herself.

 

If the true and only reason why she feels we shouldn't be together is because she can't give her all to a relationship right now then I really don't understand.

 

We didn't talk for a week and I called her to ask her if I could bring her her belongings and talk to her. At this point I was done crying for the week and wanted some "closure". I told her I was going to be completely honest and I asked the same of her. I didn't really get any answers, just a lot of crying form the both of us and basically "I don't know what's going on but I don't want to drag you through it". I told her that I loved her and would always take her back in a second when things were right and told her thank you for the good times and experiences. I was ready to deal with the hurt again.

 

That night I was devestated, of course. I hung out with some friends and stopped at my house to get some things because I was going to stay at a friend's house because being at home by myself is the worst. As I am about to walk out the door, the phone rings and it's her. Crying out of control and pretty drunk. She had gone out with some friends and got kicked out of the club where she was at(never found out why) and got into an argument with her friends because they thought she had just left for no reason and was sitting out front and was scared and she said I was the only person that she knew would be able to calm her down, make things ok, and understand and told me that she wished I was there right now to hold her. She eventually found a ride and called me back when she got home. She told me that all she wanted was me to hold her and be together with her but knew that that wouldn't be right.

She got home Ok and I told her to call me tomorrow.

 

She called me the next day(yesterday) and had gone out after work and was pretty drunk again and told me more of the same, how she wants to just run away with me and start things over and make them ok, but things are just not right right now and she doesn't know why. I again made it known that I was willing to help her out and be there for her.

 

After I got off the phone with her, I sent her a text message after I figured she would be sleeping so she would get it in the morning before work which said something along the lines of:

 

If you want a friend, I am here for you.

If you want your best friend back, I'm not going anywhere.

If you want to pack up and move somewhere, let's go.

 

Which brings me to today. She called me while I was at work and, this time she was sober, and at the end of the conversation said that she thinks we just shouldn't talk and feels that we can't even be friends because if either of us meet new people then that would be an akward situation. I couldn't talk much at work but after that conversation I am even more confused. She is out with her friend's as I write this and I asked her to call me later so I can make sense of what she wants. I also get the feeling that maybe she just doesn't want a relationship right now because she is young and doesn't want to have to answer to anyone and come-and-go wherever/whenever she wants.

 

I want to be with her more than anything but I am more confused now then I was 10 days ago. What do I do? Try to be there for her? Try to be a best friend to her? Or do I respect her wishes and just _not_ answer the phone when she calls and turn my back on her? The last question being impossible...

 

I also don't want to be the person that she calls when she is hurt just because it is comfortable because that will kill me in the longrun.

 

Please help!

[coryb]

OK, well I just go off the phone with her and she was her cute and funny self. We decided that we are going to meet up and talk face to face tomrrow. I really need some advice on what to do and say. I know that after tomorrow if we don't work this out, then that is it and my soulmate is gone forever.

[coryb]

Swingfox,

 

I feel that maybe she is just confused right now and doesn't know what she wants so thereforeeee, right now, feel I DO need to answer the phone when she calls because otherwise I am turning my back on her when she needs someone the most.

[Chris4430]

Hi!

Yes I read your letter it, is very interesting and sad....

Umm, something is up with her and she is not telling what it is or what it is about, that is what I see.

 

You said"week and a half ago stating that she didn't know what was going on right now in her life but she knows that she is not happy with herself and I don't deserve someone who can't give back in a relationship what I was giving to her"

 

It is a mystery, sort of. What I can say is that the problem is not YOU! It is something with her. She may just not feel happy in her life right now, it could be a million things. This may sound ridiculous, but you could try this. It may be pressuring her a little though. But you could meet with her and say OK! Let's have a little honesty session here for 10 minutes. And be completely honest with eachother. There is something she does not want you to know that is why she also does not even want to stay friend and she feels like she has to totally cut off. If you love her, I would just support her and say, whatever it is we can be here for eachother in life. She needs to know that you will not judge her for what she has to say... It is just my feeling. If you give her, her way then you two will part and she will just fade away for reasons uknown... It could be an opportunity for you two to really become much much closer by just opening up completely to eachother. Women love to talk, I think you two need alot of heart to heart and let it out... good luck.. Sometimes women just get really really really emotional and you have to just ride it out. The whole thing could be different in a month.

[coryb]

Thank you guys for the advice so far and I will post an update after tonight...

[coryb]

Wow. That's all I can say.

 

Well we met up and had lunch and it went, in my opinion, very well. I realized a lot of things during the 2 hour conversation I had with her that I would have never realized had I not been in this situation. I realized we just sort of got too comfortable worrying about if each other was happy and that was all that mattered. She told me in this conversation that I AM THE ONE. I am the one she wants to marry. I am the one she wants to have a family with and spend the rest of her life with. But she is not happy with her current life situation IE: job, not going to school, etc. We are going to set goals, live life for ourselves, and be there for each other and I believe this can truly bring us together closer then ever when we have our lives on track.

 

It's a breath of fresh air to known she -still- feels the same way about me.

 

Any comments on my *new* situation would be, as usual, greatly appreciated.