STILL ANGRY! What to do??

[LBP]

To show that it doesn't only happen to women... This is a perfect encapsulation of what happened to me in my LDR. I think the only thing you can learn is that words are cheap - don't forget it. He may have said he was into you, but he clearly wasn't. His own business comes first.

 

You'll be better prepared for next time...

[Aufhebung]

Hey Marilou,

 

I can truly relate to your perdicament. Last month, the woman in my life recklessly ended our relationship on our 3rd year anniversary (citing poor reasons and excuses). What you have been expressing in your threads is simillar to what I've been thinking and feeling.

 

But what has helped me handle the rage and visceral pain is a hell of a lot of exercise.

 

Also, come up with some statements to say to yourself that help you rise above this toxic situation. Like: "The reality is - I was a wonderfull person to him. Why? Because that's who I am."

 

Yes that's who you are. And that is something to be proud of. There you will find that your dignity is completely intact.

[tomtommyboy]

Great thread! I'm really seeing a lot of what I went thro in the early stages of grieving the relationship (and still am to an extent), especially this desire to find a state of mind where you're comfortable with your perspective: was she awful to me or was she just forced into the situation? (it's not really her fault that her feelings changed for instance; but sometimes I think she's handled the breakup pretty patronisingly).

 

I also questioned this business of 'not sending' those angry letters - I want her to know I'm angry! I want her to know what she's done to me so she hurts too! And in the early stages when I did call her and pour it out, she did get very upset because she truly did feel awful for what she was doing to me; so I guess that was a kind of revenge, making her hurt through her guilt or whatever. But ultimately it was pretty undignified and on one level I was still boosting her ego; so it's never actually worth it.

 

Finally - you're going to keep analysing the situation, finding mistakes you've made etc. This is normal and healthy and a way of adapting yourself so you don't make the same mistakes in future relationships (assuming you did make mistakes by the way! I found in the early stages of the breakup my perspective on 'what I did wrong' changed by the day...and right now I've settled on the thought that her feelings changed just because they did, and certainly not because of anything I particularly did wrong). These thoughts will fade as you become more comfortable with being on your own again, and you'll then be in a stronger position for all those great future relationships that are waiting for you.