Can't seem to stop being his doormat

[debster]

Okay, here's my situation. I am 52, have a good job that I've been at for 16 years, a nice apartment and I just bought a new car. I met a 35 year old in December of 2001. I met him in a local bar - someplace I had never been to. I might add that it's a complete "dive". Anyway, the "spark" was instant on both parts. He was bright, articulate, good looking and fun. Unfortunately, he was also a raging alcoholic. Obviously, I met him in a bar and knew that he drank, but I truly had no idea of the extent of his problem. He is also a drug user. After one month, he moved in with me. Stupid on my part? Absolutely, especially at my age. I drink socially and yes, I've gotten trashed in my day but this guy was out of control - one time coming home and passing out in the driveway (I rent a 3 bedroom apartment), too many times to count he would call me from the bar and say he would be home in "a bit" and stroll in drunk at 3:00 a.m. He didn't have a regular job, but worked here and there. He did however give me $150 per week (I'm fine on my own financially). Anyway, he has hit me twice during an argument when he was drunk and I kicked him out about 5 months ago. He found an inexpensive apartment several miles away and we continued to see each other with him spending many nights at my apartment. His landlady passed away in June and her children sold the house. He had to move out yesterday. Now, he's saying that he doesn't want the relationship, I am not his "girlfriend", but asked me if he could stay for the week until he finds a new place. He has barely enough money to do that. I know I would be being "used" if I let him stay and one week could easily turn into a month with his usual shenanigans. I might add that we introduced his best friend to my best friend about a year ago and they are pretty heavily involved. His best friend is, in my opinion, an alcoholic as well. I know I should tell him tonight that he has to leave. I know I should end this totally. I know, but my heart gets in the way. Also, I just had foot surgery last Tuesday, called him when I got back home at the bar at about 4:00 and guess what time he showed up at my apartment? 8:30 p.m. I feel like a doormat but just can't seem to let go. Any advice???????????????

[michelemybell]

You know what you gotta do, but there's nothing we can say on this board that will miraculously make you do it. You just gotta find that place inside you that says "Hey I deserve better than this" and go from there. He sounds like a world-class loser and you do deserve better than that. Trust me on this one because I've been through it myself----you will feel even worse if you continue to let him use you. Have the last word (I sure wish I did with my ex) and kick him out!!!

I'll be rooting for you!!!

You might want to pick up "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Your guy is all over this book!