Is she really a changed person? (kind of long)

[Wicked Miss]

I need an opinion on this. I was not the best of friends with this girl, but I will say I did try to befriend her. She was my boyfriend's friend.If she needed help, if she needed anything I tried to be there for her. She seemed to like me as a friend but I'm not too sure if that was all a cover now. She really liked my boyfriend, I could tell that from the very first moment I met her, not in the buddy buddy way in the "I want you" way. She flirted with him continually while she was dating a friend of his. This really bothered me for two reason:

 

1. Obviously because she was flirting with him. Not just the common way comfortable friends talk which can be misconstrued as flirting. The "I'm going to try to take my pants off in front of your boyfriend" flirting.

 

2. It seemed like she was basically using his buddy to get closer to him. Which I could see his friend being really hurt by since both his girlfriend's cheated on him in his last two relationships.

 

I told him about it but he said he didn't see her as anything more than his little sister. My boyfriend didn't notice when I was flirting with him before we went out so I knew it would be hard for him to tell.

 

One day I caught them together, alone, at the mall. I was really upset but it turns out she kind of invited herself along with him to get me a birthday present. He sat me down and asked me if I thought anything was going on and I told him not until I saw them together. He said he had told her that I might have thought he was cheating on me. Apparently when he said that the girl threw a fit. Telling him "fine we'll just won't see each-other anymore", and blowing it way out of proportion. Basically kind of making me looking like I was controlling and didn't want them to hang around each other. She then and there told him that she liked him. He told her he only wanted me and that he only saw her as a friend. She wouldn't have any of it.

 

After her and his buddy broke up, he found out she had lied about a lot of different things. It was mainly an attempt to get closer to him. I wasn't too surprised but my boyfriend was. He defended her through a lot. He saw her as his little sister and good friend but she totally tarnished their friendship with all of this falsehood of who she was. They stopped being friends after that.

 

The thing is now. She's trying to get into everyone's good graces. Saying she's changed and she wants to patch things up with everyone. But recently she tried to get back together with his friend and then totally stomped on his heart when he was being earnest. She's done that with quite a few other guys as well. This makes me question is she has truly changed. I know she has been hurt her fair share of times but I don't think its cool to do it to others. I don't really know what to think of her. She tries to talk to me but I can't really stand her anymore. I befriended her and trusted her against my better judgment. I feel pretty wounded as well, maybe not as much as the others. Its hard not to have someone you love be hurt and not feel their pain as well. She is around quite a bit so I can't really avoid her.

 

So my question is: Do I sit her down and talk out the problems I have with her? Do I pretend to be nice since she was going through a rough patch right now? I am supposed to be mean?

 

I considered her a friend but it feels like she crossed a big line and even though she claims to be a good person now. I don't know if I believe it.

 

Any advice?

[chickidee23]

My advice is to be nice- not best buddies, just nice- because she is around a lot and you can't avoid her as you said. You don't have to like anyone you don't want to but that doesn't mean you have to be mean to each other. People don't like other people- it's a fact of life and there's nothing wrong with it but it doesn't mean you can't be civil toward one another. I doubt she's changed as most people don't and if they do, it doesn't happen quickly. I don't know her reasons for her behaviour but don't hold your breath, it probably won't last. However, there's no reason to create or maintain tension between the two of you- be polite to her and leave it at that.

[Wicked Miss]

Thanks for the advice. I know what you mean. I just feel bad cause I've gone throught similar hardships that she has been through so I can sympathsize but the way she walks over people to get what she wants is horrible.