me, the gf, and the ex

[munchies]

Hi,

Been seeing my gf for a few months now and all is going good.

 

But there is this one cloud - her ex. Who admittedly is many miles away. But she says she is still very good friends with him (they were together for five years and split up 12 months ago). The thing is she still texts him and phones him. She also kind of sends him pictures of her when she is out somewhere new - it is the same ones she sends to me aswell.

 

Now she wants to meet him when we go on holiday next month but she says she is having dilemmas about whether she should or not.

 

Is this kind of contact with ex normal when in a new relationship? I am not really in contact with my ex at all.

 

Is it fair to ask her what her dilemmas are, and if she still has strong feelings, or loves this guy?

[arwen]

Hey Munchies!

 

To be honest, I think that it's not ok for her to even THINK of meeting the ex while on holiday with you (for the first time?). But there are no 'rules' for this but the ones you have for yourself. Clearly YOU are not ok with this (I wouldn't be either), that is what is most important. I'd ask her if going on a holiday is about the two of you or also about the ex. In a less abrupt way- but I'd want to know that.

 

Arwen

[Iceman26]

 

Is this kind of contact with ex normal when in a new relationship? I am not really in contact with my ex at all.

 

Is it fair to ask her what her dilemmas are, and if she still has strong feelings, or loves this guy?

 

 

I don't believe there is such a thing on what normal is in a relationship, because every relationship is different. That being said, it sounds like she is still extremely close to him and that would bother me.

 

Of course you can ask her what her dilemmas are, but I doubt you'll get a straight answer.

 

I think you need to talk with her about this relationship with the ex, and if it bothers you, let her know.

[munchies]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Yeah I do have slight concerns about it. I do not have a problem with them keeping in touch etc and it was not really a big issue. But when she mentioned having dilemmas about us meeting him (it would just be an afternoon) I started to hear slight alarm bells ring, I thought it was decided before that we were going to meet him. I guess none of you can answer this (but I fear she may not really either) but what are the dilemmas - does she still want this guy. She says it was an amicable break up (and that it was coming) but it was him that finished it.

[Iceman26]

If she still misses him, I doubt she would ever admit to it.

 

I feel your best bet is simply keeping an eye on the situation, and if the contact between him and her creates any red flags for you, bring it up and discuss it with her.

[arwen]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Yeah I do have slight concerns about it. I do not have a problem with them keeping in touch etc and it was not really a big issue. But when she mentioned having dilemmas about us meeting him (it would just be an afternoon) I started to hear slight alarm bells ring, I thought it was decided before that we were going to meet him. I guess none of you can answer this (but I fear she may not really either) but what are the dilemmas - does she still want this guy. She says it was an amicable break up (and that it was coming) but it was him that finished it.

 

I think that for you NOT to have a problem with them being in touch on a friendly basis, shows that you trust her and that you are not overly jealous or insecure. So those are variables in the question that you could eliminate. The question is then the way you put it... does she still want to be with the ex? We cannot answer that, and she may never admit it. But I think that actions always talk louder than words. It's just harder sometimes to translate their meanings. You have been with her for a couple of months now, right? Do you get a feeling from her that she is TOTALLY into you?

 

Arwen