If you know someone does not share the same feelings you do, do you tell them anyway?

[Lost in Thought]

If you know the person you are interested in does not feel the same and probably never will, do you bother telling them how much he/she makes you feel just to get it off your chest? If you have done this, have you regretted it or felt relieved? This is for situations where you know for sure the person has no romantic feelings for you at all.

[Jayar]

Have done it before. You feel nothing but empty when you don't hear anything back. My advice? Don't do it...

[Batya33]

No, because it is selfish -- it typically creates an awkward situation for the other person, particularly if the other person has a significant other or spouse.

[melrich]

I'd say don't tell them either unless you feel it is affecting your interactions with them and you believe that requires an explanation or a severing of the friendship.

[l9grl]

what is it that you want to say?

 

if a friend had feelings for me, I'd want to know...but that's me

[desert_rose26]

"just to get it off your chest"? you can try doing it another way. If you play an instrument, try to take it out on the piano. If you cook, cook it out for yourself. Sounds silly but better than feeling empty.

 

OR just say it and bite the bullet. I think personally, when you love someone, u should let them know...depending on the situation...this is a hard question and only you can make sure of what to do.

[Batya33]

I don't think you let someone know if that person is attached to another person or has made it clear he/she doesn't feel the same way. If you truly love someone you want what's best for them, not to burden them with your feelings that will only make them feel awkward or guilty.

[Lost in Thought]

Thanks for the input. Basically I fell for a co-worker in a big company. Met her in 2001, never had any feelings for her whatsoever until this year, 2007. Saw her in a different light and she stirs some feelings inside me.

 

I always said to myself stay away from company romance. Plus at the time she was in a relationship, got married, and now is divorced. I know we are good friends but I don't think she will think of me as more than friends. Would like to tell her my feelings. Besides the rejection aspect, I just don't want anyone else to know. Tell or don't tell?

[nilli]

First things first. What makes you think that she won't have the same feelings? Has she made this clear?

[Lost in Thought]

I have that 'Gut Feeling' she will only like me as a friend. And to tell you the truth, I don't even know if she's still single anymore.

 

It's been really bad the last couple of months. I've been doing small things for her(just don't want to give too much detail) and sometimes she's been appreciative. I feel I've let her know I like her by these small gestures and she just isn't interested enough. She does not avoid me but does not give me any 'Good' signals either.

 

Although we are just friends, it's kind of hard for me to read her. I think she's the type to not talk too much about emotions or feelings.

 

In some ways I just want to tell her I've always liked her as a friend/co-worker but I developed feelings for her this year. Something I want to get off my chest. I don't think she will avoid me but probably won't be joking with me as much either.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Instead of confessing your feelings to her, why don't you try just asking her out on a date?

[weePi]

Thanks for the input. Basically I fell for a co-worker in a big company. Met her in 2001, never had any feelings for her whatsoever until this year, 2007. Saw her in a different light and she stirs some feelings inside me.

 

I always said to myself stay away from company romance. Plus at the time she was in a relationship, got married, and now is divorced. I know we are good friends but I don't think she will think of me as more than friends. Would like to tell her my feelings. Besides the rejection aspect, I just don't want anyone else to know. Tell or don't tell?

So, both of you are single. You could pull her in a quiet corner and say There is something I want to tell you but please don't feel awkwards if you dont feel the same way. I do need you to know how I feel about you. If you don't feel the same way, it's cool. I would like to still be friends."

 

Does she worth the risk? You know it yourself.

 

If she answers she only sees you as a friend and that you cannot be friends after that talk, then she isnt really a friend after all anyway. Any good friendships survive the tough times, as they say!

 

Although, easier said than done.

 

Good luck.

[weePi]

In some ways I just want to tell her I've always liked her as a friend/co-worker but I developed feelings for her this year. Something I want to get off my chest. I don't think she will avoid me but probably won't be joking with me as much either.

Ah, but doesn't she deserve a chance to response herself?

 

I can tell you how I would react, but that's not a reaction she might provide. She might not be joking with you as much, she might not want to talk to you ever again, she might not do this and that again BUT at the same time, she might open up and say Appreciate your honestly, actually, I've been feeling the same way, etc etc...." .

 

You know there is only one way to find out!

[Liam Weic]

I am currently in this situation.

 

My GF has quite an extensive past, and from the sounds of it she was very active with her boyfriends or sexbuddies.

 

But now, with me, it seems like she's the most docile girl in the world. I'd think her a virgin, had I not known of her past.

 

Its a real blow to one's self esteem, especially with this extra angle to it.

 

The worst part, is knowing who the people your S.O. has been with are in person. imo.