Did you still think about the dumpee when you were a dumper?

[Puckdog27]

OK Everyone, lets put the other shoes on for second. Everyone always assumes the dumper has moved on and forgot all about us. I know in situations where I was a dumper or it was mutual, I still think about the person and sometimes wonder "what if?", unless they did something really unforgivable.

 

Now, place the dumper shoes on your own feet. Do you ever think about someone you left?

[Dubb]

I think about all my ex's. I don't wonder what if about any of them tho b/c I knew they were not for me. I hope to feel that way about the current ex soon. I know this girl is wrong for me I just needed more time to really figure it out. She pulled the plug too soon lol.

[macgyver4ever]

I broke up the "rebound" and only felt regret sometimes. I miss talking to her but because I wasn't in love with her, and still not over my ex, I really don't think about her often and wonder "what if?."

 

It could have been a good relationship, but I knew that would not end well, so it was better to end it sooner than later.

[renaissancewoman101]

Macguyver, does your "rebound" ever try to get in touch with you? I remember you writing that she was kinda devastated when you broke things off with her.

[Puckdog27]

Good feedback so far guys! This is what I was hoping for to show everyone that when you loved someone you never stop thinking about them!!!

 

Lets keep this thread going for everyones encouragement. The worst thing we all feel is the wiped us from existence.

[Puckdog27]

I broke up the "rebound" and only felt regret sometimes. I miss talking to her but because I wasn't in love with her, and still not over my ex, I really don't think about her often and wonder "what if?."

 

It could have been a good relationship, but I knew that would not end well, so it was better to end it sooner than later.

 

See, even though you didnt love her, you still have consideration for her!

 

Now imagine how someone who has loved you feels!

[macgyver4ever]

Macguyver, does your "rebound" ever try to get in touch with you? I remember you writing that she was kinda devastated when you broke things off with her.

 

Yes, she sends me text messages a few times a week. I know she still has feelings for me, but we are going to try to be friends. Hopefully we are going to hang out this week. I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

 

 

I really didn't want to break up with her, but I wasn't ready for a relationship and she pushed things to fast. I knew she was getting too emotionally involved, and I didn't want to prolong the hurt. I was still going through the break up feelings, so I was very sympathetic to her. I had also been reading a lot on how you are supposed to break up with someone, since my ex is such an awful job of it.

[solarplexus]

My experince,

 

After dumping her, just for a couple of months, but actually I never forgot her. Even now after 12 years. Contacted her after 3 years of breakup. We tried to catchup. She was a new person and her expectations were changed. Yes she still had the feelings and I did also. But it did not work out somehow. Her expectations were far too much than I could give her. So that means she has moved on. Now she is married and quite happy.

And I wish her the best as always.

 

Interesting but I have never asked to be friends with her. I told her in the beginning that friendship would not work out between us. Even now after that much year we are not friends. If I will ever see her I will still have the same feelings for her. Never changed for me.

[Puckdog27]

My experince,

 

After dumping her, just for a couple of months, but actually I never forgot her. Even now after 12 years. Contacted her after 3 years of breakup. We tried to catchup. She was a new person and her expectations were changed. Yes she still had the feelings and I did also. But it did not work out somehow. Her expectations were far too much than I could give her. So that means she has moved on. Now she is married and quite happy.

And I wish her the best as always.

 

Interesting but I have never asked to be friends with her. I told her in the beginning that friendship would not work out between us. Even now after that much year we are not friends. If I will ever see her I will still have the same feelings for her. Never changed for me.

 

 

Thats exactly what I mean. 12 years later and she has a part of your heart. My point with this thread is to encourage everyone that maybe they feel its best to move on, but that doesnt mean they don't hurt too.

[LBP]

I'll be honest, I absolutely do not understand breaking up with someone if they make you happy. Are they too poor? Does their family embarrass you? I just don't get it.

[solarplexus]

LBP,

Actually there were things that made me unhappy. May be small. But when gathered together made me feel that I would be unhappy in the long term.

[Puckdog27]

I'll be honest, I absolutely do not understand breaking up with someone if they make you happy. Are they too poor? Does their family embarrass you? I just don't get it.

 

In my case there were a ton of commnication issues and alot of stubborn pride. Rather than seeing a counselor, we foght through it ourselves. I suggested we separate and it snowballed badly from there. But I know we love each other, its just she is unwilling to accept that I can change (we all can) and she doesnt want to give me the opportunity to walk out and hurt her again.

 

But Im sure she thinks of me.

[Jeffrey01]

Good thread. I was the one who was dumped, though it was my fault. I do feel as if I never existed to her. But I know it cant be true because the fact that she loved me so much has to count for something...

 

Puck, by the way, reading what you wrote above.. I am in your exact situation.

[Puckdog27]

Good thread. I was the one who was dumped, though it was my fault. I do feel as if I never existed to her. But I know it cant be true because the fact that she loved me so much has to count for something...

 

Puck, by the way, reading what you wrote above.. I am in your exact situation.

 

The thing that is worse to me is that they would rather take a chance at getting their heart broken by a stranger, than take another chance with us. Thats the rub.

 

I know my ex is dating someone and she says she is happy, but everyone can tell she isnt. She just doesnt want to be alone. Her friends see it and say so. She holds so much anger towards me still which says so to me. If she was happy she wouldnt give a damn oneway or another about me.

 

I sent her an email today to say I received the divorce decree in the mail and best of luck in life. You can always call if you need anything. She called 4 times that I didnt answer and 2 emails to tell me to leave her alone. All within an hour. She sounds real happy.

[Jeffrey01]

Like I said.. puck I am in your shoes. I just have not gotten the papers yet. I am dreading that day.

[deelove2010]

ok guy's what if the girl you loved told you her emotions has swicthed off and she can't swicth them back on, do you think they think about you???

[Puckdog27]

ok guy's what if the girl you loved told you her emotions has swicthed off and she can't swicth them back on, do you think they think about you???

 

Yep I do. Doesnt mean you should wait for them to floip back on.

[1forthegipper]

deelove2010,

 

No such thing as a "emotional switch" they think about you whether they admit it or not...EVERYONE does... I've been the dumper a few times in my life and even till this day I still think about them and how they are doing (several years later). It's a different type of thinking and maybe not the thinking of wanting them back but more of wondering how they're doing etc.

 

After a breakup I would say that within the first 6 months there are many thoughts of the ex that was dumped. If there is a new person involved you tend to compare the two and sometimes might even get turned off by their small quirks that the new guy or girl has, especially if the ex didn't have these flaws.

 

Either way, they do think about the dumpee whether they admit it or not. Most of the time they tell you this because they're looking for an excuse to get out or to give you what they seem to think is a logical reason for breaking up rather than the truth.....

 

 

Tha Gipp

[deelove2010]

yeah this is what my ex told me that her emotions had swicthed off she detacthed herself from me! I was going through depression as I lost my farther just over a yrs ago and it felt like nothing had changed in my life!

 

i was looking for a new job, my ex got a job straight away this bothered me and it would make me feel even more insecure, I just hope she wont compare those things with her new man cos who would want a depressed unsecure person in there life I wouldn't!

 

but I have dealt with these emotions about my farther and my insecuritys I'm looking for a new job as we speak, I've got an interview on monday!!!

 

Im also going down the gym 3 times aweek following a workout plan the gym devised for me and I'm also learning how to drive after so so many yrs!!!

[Pending]

I wonder if my ex does, and its only been like 10 days.

 

Just no contact on her part, but thats most likely just post bs stuff.

 

But as for me-with only two real LTR under my belt, I have never dumped a girl. Sad I know.

[derekjones52]

I have had only 1 true girlfriend, was with her for 14 months (borderline 15). She dumped me, its been 4.5 months since the break. I still think about her everyday, I know she must think about me every once in a while, but I dont think she cares.

[macgyver4ever]

Yesterday I felt really good. I kept busy, and didn't think about my ex much. That made me think that what I was feeling is probably how my ex feels. She's so busy and excited with her new life and new boyfriend that she rarely thinks about me unless something sets it off. I know she can hardly get through a few hours without something reminding her of me, but I am sure she is getting rid of those things from her life. Thinking of me must still bring on feelings of guilt and shame.

 

These aren't feelings that will bring her back. She will have to see this guy, and the person she has become and feel pure fear and need to get me back before I hear from her. Will this happen? Maybe. The best chance is if she gets dumped. She's in so deep now and invested so much of herself and her future into this guy, she will do everything possible to prove to herself, and her family/friends that he is right for her.

 

I guess what I am saying, after 4 years together, things will remind her of me, of us, and our future together. She'll have her good days, where these reminders hardly effect her, and her bad days where she cries. Either way it doesn't matter until I see actions from her, and after 2 months, I have seen NOTHING.

[Puckdog27]

They think about you. Maybe one day they wont, be that will take years. I still think about all my ex's that I had a serious relationship with, no matter if I was a dumper or the dumpee. There are alot of people here. Everyone says they do. Our ex's are no different than us. You cant totally erase someone you loved from memory. The heart holds on to the good stuff, thats the best part. My ex has to look at our stuff everyday of her life. She works where she does because of me. She sleeps in our bed that we picked topgether. She drinks coffee from my coffee maker. She watches our TV. She has everyday reminders of me. I have photographs. She has more memories of me around her than I do of her. There is no way she doesnt think of me.

 

I said it here before, its only when you dont want them back that they come back.

[zenartist]

I find it ironic that all the replys are from males... any female perspectives?

[Puckdog27]

One thing I have found to be true about females, and I dont mean this as an insult or generalization, but usually once a female's feelings are gone, they are gone. Men are usually more likely to go back for a second helping when they were the dumper. Female dumpers usually move on for good.