I don't know how to heal from this

[dancermsp]

Hi all, this'll be long but please bare with me.

 

My ex left me without an explaination. Everything seemed fine, we had very minor disagreements, both had lives outside of our relationship but a healthy one together, etc. I moved accross the country to be with him after I graduated from college (we were together a little over a year at the time, both 20) because it felt like the right thing to do (and I wanted to finish other degrees at a university in his city. I still plan on doing that). About a month and a half after I moved to be with him our roommate (it was him and I in one room and another couple in the other room) and I went to Vegas for 3 days. When we returned Sunday night it turns out he had moved everything (even my dog, side story below) out and left me. Never gave an explanation except for things that don't really involve me (suffering schoolwork...when I never bugged him when he was studying and I even pressured him to study more, etc).

 

It's been over a month. I have gotten my dog back, moved into a different apartment. I've gotten a better job and signed up for classes over the summer. I've made some more friends and have gone out on a few dates. I don't really miss him because I know we could never get back together after what he did.

 

But I don't know how to get over the situation. I don't feel like there was any closure and that bugs me. I don't know why I can't just move on...but I keep thinking about it. Keep wondering why. Keep trying to figure out what I did that made him leave. I don't want to think about it anymore, but that seems to be what my mind always drifts to alone late at night.

 

I know he will never give me any reasons as to why. I know I won't get any more closure than what I have now. But I can't seem to mentally move past it.

 

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, posting this on here. I just don't know how to move on from the situation. I've moved on from him...but not the way things ended.

 

Side story about the dog -- he came to visit me over thanksgiving break. I was having a hard time coping with stress and being alone and so he offered to either take me to Disney World for the day (one of my favorite places) or buy me the puppy I've been wanting forever. Of course I chose the puppy, for my early birthday/christmas gift. When he left he thought because he bought the dog it was his. Um no, since you gave him to me as a gift he is legally mine.

[filmraven]

Have you not had ANY contact with him since he left out of the blue?? You say near the end of your post that he came to visit you during Thanksgiving break (was that before you guys broke up or after?) so did you not ask him the simple question of: "Why did you leave me?" If so, how did he respond to that?

 

It's very understandable that you're unable to bring closure to this situation because the rug was pulled out from underneath you very fast and you're left sitting on the ground wondering what made you get there. I'd say the best you can do is try asking your ex what his reasons were and tell him you don't want him back but you do need those answers to close that chapter in your life and move on. If he is unwilling to do that then you will need to find a way to make peace with not knowing. One way is to have the reassurance that somebody else who will knock your socks off is out there who would never have gotten the chance to be with you if it weren't for this not-so-nice-ex leaving you.

 

See it as a new door opening and honestly, if a guy doesn't have the decency and maturity to let you know why he's leaving then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve respect and honesty. That's the foundation of a relationship.

 

Good luck!

[dancermsp]

Oh, we were together then. Sorry for not being clear, he left me about a month ago.

 

I saw him once, and tried to talk to him and he just stared at me and then walked away. I just want some form of answers...but I know he's too immature to straight-up talk to me.

[filmraven]

 

I saw him once, and tried to talk to him and he just stared at me and then walked away. I just want some form of answers...but I know he's too immature to straight-up talk to me.

 

Sounds like one of my ex-boyfriends! I know for a fact that with some people no matter how hard you try you can't squeeze things out of them. Is there not anything in your history with this guy that might make you think he had a particular reason for leaving? Did you guys argue very often over things? Did you have any major episodes which made you think things might come to an end? It helps to look back at your relationship and look for any red flags (eg. suspicious behaviour, spending less time with you, making up excuses for things that he use to do with you, etc.)

 

If you thought your relationship was near to perfect and going along well then obviously your ex is dealing with major issues that belong to him and not to you.

[dancermsp]

We never really argued. The only real things we fussed over was the fact that he was so dependent on his family (never had a job, no credit, etc. they just gave him money, his beloved car wasn't in his name, doesn't know his blood type, doesn't pay any bills, etc). I tried to help him, and sometimes I did get frusturated and push too hard. But I had come to accept that he wasn't going to change until he wanted to. We hadn't fought about it since I moved to be with him, we talked about it, but didn't fight like we had.

 

I think the real problems and why he left me are within himself. I think he has a lot of issues to work through. But I wish he would tell me that, so I wouldn't question myself any longer. I wish I could firmly believe it and not think about it anymore.

[daveygravey]

Why did you go to Vegas for three days with your housemate?? If I knew my girlfriend were sleeping in the same room as another guy I'd be very suspicious and uncomfortable. Maybe he just presumes you cheated and didn;t want to hang around for your explanation, which he never would have believed?

 

Or did you cheat on him?!?

[dancermsp]

My housemate is a chick haha sorry. I have pictures of us there..we went to Vegas for my birthday trip because I had never been (nevermind neither of us are 21). She had a boyfriend until about a week before so I brought her along because she was sad. And my ex didn't seem to want to go with me since he's been to Vegas so many times.

[daveygravey]

Aaah sorry I completely misinterpreted that Vegas thing!

 

In that case ... I'm as baffled as you!?! Although if I knew why relationships just end out of nowhere, I wouldn't be on this website trying to understand what happened with my own!