My ex died

[LilyXX]

I just found out that my ex died. He was only 29.

I googled his name to see what he is up to and found a website his friends designed in his memory. I think he died of drug overdose or something drug related. I always considered him "the love of my life", I just can't believe that he is gone.

 

We went out for abour 1yrs when I was 19-20. I am now 28.

We had so many wornderfull moments together and I have not felt the same way about anyone but him. I don't know how he felt about me, in the begginning he was really nice, but then he stated to be indifferent was too much into drugs and drinking. I was starting to get a feeling that he was just using me for sex. We were fighting and were on and off for a while. Then one time I was with him in the car when he was selling drugs. That is when I decided that I was not going to be with him anymore no matter how I felt about him. We broke up. It took me a few year to stop thinking about him daily and having a constant urge to call him. (Which I alway resisted)

 

He called me once in a while. We run into each other s few times. A few

years ago he started calling my parents house a lot. I did not live there anymore. I never called him back, even though I wanted to. I did not want the tempatation. I alway though that one day, when we are both older and smarter we can have a conversation and get some closure on our realationship. I wanted to know how he really felt. I secretly hoped that one day, we may get back together.

 

I realise now that it is never going to happen. Never, ever. I will never ever see him or speak to him again. He is gone. It is so difficult to accept.

 

I am in a relationship right now. My boyfriend is a nice man and I love him more and more as time goes by. I think a lot of peole have that "firts love" that is always in their hearts.

 

Thanks for reading. Any commernt or opinions are welcome.

[annie24]

I think you should write your ex a letter and set it at his grave. Go visit it, and tell him everything you wanted to say. Have that conversation now, leave some flowers. Do you think this could help you get closure?

 

sorry for your loss

[havefaith]

Wow... that is an amazing story. I cannot believe you just happened to come accross that information by accident. I am very sorry for your rather confusing loss.

 

It seems like you ended up far away from him, like in another state?

 

Anyway, just wanted to say I know what you mean with the first love thing. I am still with the first love of my life (just about 2 years now) and I know if anything ever happened between us I would always carry him in my heart.

 

I hope that, even though you never got the closure you may have wanted, you are able to remember fondly the wonderful memories the two of you had. Perhaps it is truly time to move forward. I am very happy you got out of the relationship, as hard as it may have been, because he obviously had some issues.

 

I am sorry again for your loss but I hope something positive can come of it. Love is an amazing thing but like everything else on this tiny rock it can't last forever.

 

Except in your heart

[Hondadonkey]

Annie's idea is good. I am sorry you had to find out that way. It might help you to call one of his friends that you used to get along with pretty well and just go for a beer or coffee or something. I think that reminising is a big part of the grieving process and you should find someone who also new him well. When did he pass away?

[Dako]

It's impossible to forget those people that touched our hearts, even after many years. It may be meaningful to at least pay respects in some way.

[LilyXX]

Thank you for all the responses. It feels so good to be able to share.

I think I will get in tauch with some of his friends through myspace.

 

We actually live in the same city, we were't really in touch.

The last time I saw him was at least 4 years ago, he came to a bar where I used to work, with a girl. I was not the one serving them, so I completely ignored him. Did not say "hi", nothing. He ever "forgot" his cellphone and came back later without the girl, I just walked away and did not give him a chance to approach me. I did not return his phone calls when he called my parents house. I did not want to open "a can of warm", I knew that if I were around him or talked to him the feeling would come back strong. I was just too proud, and did not want him to "mess with me" ever again. I always assumed that one day we will talk, since we live in the same city.

[Cadence308]

Wow, that's crazy! It sounds like you are experiencing closure on this relationship in a way that you never imagined. That would be hard to deal with and accept, esp. since you really loved this person. That is incredibly sad that he died at age 29.

 

I agree with Annie. Write him a letter and say everything that you ever wanted him to know, but never got the chance. Then I would visit his grave and read it.