wanting to call her (just venting, actually)

[sfindependent]

hey folks.

 

A few of you may know my sad story. I was a pathetic, low, sad excuse for a man. my ex-broke up with me last july and i chased after her for THREE months. I chased her down like a pack of wolves. I said all the things that shouldn't be said, did the things that should be done and made such a fool of myself to all my friends and all the people around us. I mean, I did and said things I literally shudder thinking about it now.

 

sad story short, that was long time ago. It wasn't only till sept or october (and with the help of scout, majord and all the lovely folks of enotalone) that I started NC, moved on and picked up where I left off. I was starting my Masters n Social Work and began meeting a lot of people. Sooner or later, with the program that I was taking, I found out a lot about myself, what I've been doing wrong in my relationships and what I've become as a person. I've tried (and am trying) to become a better person that I was before. Later on, I started dating, and getting my life back. I've also been trying to rekindle some of the relationships i've lost, and making sure that I am moving on, and letting people know that I'm a changed man. A lot of people have already attested to this fact and told me "you look, and act and are completely different from a while back" and "you've gained a lot of weight (which is good), man". A couple of people also told me "man, you seem to have the easiest time talking to girls"...something like that.

 

She's called me once or twice, not to get a hold of me coz she misses me but because she needed something from me (keys) and one time when she "dialed" the wrong number. That was back past thanksgiving. A few weeks back, I tried to call her, and to my surprise, she called me back (although 5 hours later). I only spoke with her about 5 mins and she said she had to go, someone was to pick her up. I'm guessing she's still going out with the guy she ran to after we broke up.

 

I've been wanting to call her again, not to ask her out, but just chat. Show her i've become so different. But I know she become different herself.

I know she hangs out with our "old friends" still. People who party a lot, drink alot, and are part of the music scene here. I've left that ever since we broke up myself.

 

argh.I don't know why i keep feeling like this. its been more than 6 months!

[cristal]

Sounds as if you have really done a complete makeover of your life.

 

If I were you, I would give her a call and ask her out for coffee and keep the conversation light. Then you can test your true feelings for her when you see. From my experiences, I would sit there and pine for an ex, convincing myself that I still love him. Then you finally interact with them and you are suddenly flooded with the realization that you were just used to pining for them and your feelings are just ghosts from the past.

 

Call her up and just test the waters, but brace yourself for anything.

[sfindependent]

I agree, that's why I was actually surprised she called me. But then I have a few relatives living in the same 3mile radius as she does and I get a little anxious in seeing her. I have done a complete makeover, but also remained to my roots. Hmmm. thanks for the input cristal

 

j

[cristal]

By calling you, she was probably just sending out "feelers". I know when you are the dumpee, how we tend to read so much into them. We start looking at these "feelers" as some sort of "vindication". She just could have simply been bored.

 

If you do happen to run into her, it is normal that you will feel anxiety. You should however feel confident, with the '"new and improved" you.

[elithepi]

Gosh it sucks to be in love....

I'm in your boat.

Give her a call....coffee would be fun.....but have something to talk about!

[sfindependent]

I know, my sister texted me the other week (i'm lucky to have people like her) saying the same thing (i have to give her credit) "it is normal to feel the way I do for someone who loves some one so much"

 

I did so much to make her unhappy, though.

 

 

I don't know if she will ever forgive me

 

 

PS: I'm not depressed anymore. Although I do feel the occasional bouts of sadness knowing I can't make things right anymore... u know what I mean?