I feel much worse than yesterday

[soulisthesea]

I first posted here yesterday under "no closure and I feel like I'm dying" and you all responded with so much understanding and compassion. That helped, as well as being with my family and spending a few hours on the phone with my best friend. But this morning I feel like my heart has been ripped out and half of me has been amputated. I have dropped 10 lbs in the last month and cant afford to lose any more, but I cant seem to stomach anything. I know Blender said that closure comes from within me, but right now I am paralyzed not knowing what happened. One week he loved and missed me and we had a future, and the next he refuses to talk to me. I just dont understand and the pain is the most excruciating thing I have ever felt in my life. It makes no sense at all and I need so badly to know why so that I can start the grieving process. Hope is my own worst enemy.

I cant go "home" because we shared that home for 2 years and when I am there I am surrounded by ghosts, so I am finding comfort staying at my parents...except our 2 beautiful cats are there alone and they are not getting the love they need..I stop by long enough to take care of them but then I have to leave.

Mornings are so hard, and I am literally living out my worst nightmare. waking up to the harsh cold reality and have everything come crashing in is almost more than my heart can bear. How long does this last? I want to feel anger, it would give me some strength. Today is day 2 of no contact and its so so hard.

[auburnslp]

Oh sweetheart...just know that this is the worst of it. And it may go on for a while...but you will be ok. I know this isn't what you want to hear but the pain will be with you for a while. You will dream, sleep restfully, barely be able to get yourself up and going each day for a while. What you need to know is that this is normal. And at this point, all I can offer is to take it one day at a time, and don't neglect what must be done. Get up every day, trudge through that day, do what needs to be done, and if you think of him during that time, stop, force yourself to put it in a box in your mind, and wait until your needs are met and necessities over for the day, get yourself alone, and then let them out...or do so with family or trusted friends.

 

There really is no easy answer or anyway to make the pain go away quicker than you can allow...counselling always helps, if you belong to a Church they often have grief groups, but truly this a time you are going to just have to face...and you will, and you will emerge stronger for it.

 

You have my thoughts and prayers...Michael

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Are you close to any of his family members? Have they been in contact with him?

[emma34]

I feel your pain....i've been there. you will get through this and any man that doesn't see how beautiful,loving, and committed you can be isn't worth your time or energy. You may want to consider seeing a counsellor if you continue to lose weight.

 

It's true that only you can give yourself closure. YOU have the upper hand here because only YOU can let yourself move on with ur life. He can't do that for you. Good luck to you! And continue to post here - believe me, I feel your pain

[desertnomad]

I will never understand how people can do that either. One morning my ex of four years told me she loved me and would miss me that day... and then that afternoon ran off with someone she had met on the Internet leaving me only a note when I got home.

 

I understand the feeling of having your heart being ripped out. Unfortunately there is not 'one' cure all for that. Its just alot of little things that add up day to day that can help you at least move on a little bit.

 

Its been 10 months for me and some things are more stable but sometimes its still a struggle. Its not at all like it was, just a sense of sadness over the past and what happened and how others let me down. I did have other relationships after but be careful with that. You dont want to end up going from one hell to the next.

 

I guess there is no understanding how people can behave that way , changing their tune so quickly, but one day it wont matter to you 'why' just that they 'did' and that you can do better.

[lpdreams]

My fiancé (relationship of 6 years) decided one day out of the blue (almost 5 weeks ago) that he no longer wanted to be with me. I was shocked and still am shocked at times over how could be so insensitive.

 

I couldn’t stay in our house either as we had lived there together for 3 years. I too have two beautiful cats that I felt bad for neglecting while I was at my parents house. I would go back just like you and feed them and give them love.

 

I don’t know what your situation is but I got out of that house as I felt as if I couldn’t breathe when I was in there. Not in the way of I was unable to inhale and then exhale normally, more of I simply couldn’t get past all of the memories that we shared together in the house that we made our home.

 

I will tell you that is does get better, and you have a choice to let yourself begin to heal. He is no longer worthy of your love and you need to realize that you deserve someone who will want to love you.

 

Hope does suck and it is the hardest thing to let go of. For me I still have that lingering feeling of hope (sometimes), or wanting him to come back and say I made a huge mistake. The thing is that I don’t want to take him back even if he did tell me that, and my hope for you is that in time you will see that he wasn’t right for you.

 

Are you into reading? I can recommend some books that really helped me to get this point in my healing. Also go to the gym. This is the single most important thing, besides having absolutely no contact (besides finances) that I have done to help me lift my spirits. It is a huge release to get all of your anger and sadness out with a good workout, and I listen to Alanis Morissette you oughta know. Yes an empowering feminist song, but it gets me going while I am running!

 

You are not alone, we have all experienced what I also consider one of the worst pains in the world and we are here to support you.

 

I promise it does get better and you will slowly start to feel whole again in time. Oh yes, the statement we all hate when we are beginning to heal, time heals all! It holds much truth.

 

Hugs

 

Lindsey

[forgingon]

Go to your doctor and get anti depressants, go to a councillor and come up with a coping plan, then go to your best friend and cry for at least an hour non stop. Get as much sleep as you can. Watch the Secret. A couple of times a day if you need to. Get a journal. Get a puppy. Do anything and everything that makes you smile, even for a second. Make a gratitude list of everything wonderful in your life, and remember, if he did this to you, he is not worth your grief. The world is full of beautful people, and one of them is waiting to love you.

This is how I'm coping, and my husband just walked out after 13 years together, with very little notice and a couple of brutal parting shots 'I'm not attracted to you or in love with you - and haven't been since our children were born."

I'm doing ok, and better I'm teaching my kids how to be strong, and even happy during a crisis. You can, I'm sure of it.